Rightlymia Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 These people spill their guts and a lot of the people on here curse them for it. NOBODY is perfect. People make mistakes. You learn from your mistakes.Some of these things that happen to these OW/OM might make them better people in the end. Did you all ever think that maybe the married man or married woman might be to blame even more??? They are the ones who are married. They need to keep their pants on and quit messing with peoples minds. Link to post Share on other sites
catspajamas Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I agree with the married person being more at fault then the ow/om. but I find trouble understanding why someone who is contributing to the process of desroying a relationship has any complaints about their relationship! They put themselves in that situation. No one holds a gun to their heads and forces them to hook up with a married person. How can someone expect someone who cheats on their spouse to get with them to give them any respect. The respect could be earned if the married person would first dissolve their marraige and then procced to have a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
catspajamas Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I am not saying these people are dirt, I am saying that these people need to make better desicions for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I have, without a doubt, been a real b*tch to people who are so wrapped up in their own selfish needs, they can't see the hurt they are causing other people. You want to be selfish all the time? Be single. The married/committed person should be held more accountable--they are disrespecting their partner and lying. Who cares if the spouse is really the ugly evil, frigid creature made out to be? When did two wrongs suddenly make a relationship right? And why stay with someone who you are unhappy with? Many times the spouse doesn't know about the affair, or they disregard or are afraid to confront warning signs. They love their spouse--they don't want to believe their spouse would cheat on them. Many of these people have children--the one spouse is at home with the kids. What kind of person would rather be out wh*ring around when he could be with his family? There are also numerous instances where the OM or OW does not even realize they are involved with a committed person. The devastation and humiliation they feel when they discover the truth is awful. They often feel like a side fling, a diversion for the person they loved and thought was only committed to them. Many hope that the married person will leave their spouse for them, such occurences are generally rare. Sorry, but if you get knowingly get involved with a married person, you should be responsible enough to see that it oftentimes is a dead end road. Read the stories posted here on LS, how many people wasted their lives waiting for someone to make up their mind and get the divorce that never was. Look at people who thought they had a happy marriage, who had it all end due to a spouse's affair. In many cases, the OM/OW and the betrayed spouse feel the same pain and anguish. They feel like they weren't important enough to the person who claimed to love them. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 When you do something censurable, expect censure. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 People do learn from their mistakes, and that's good. However, if they spill their guts on this site, they also run the risk of having people express honest opinions about their situation. I come here because that's what I want. I want someone to give it to me straight, whether I like it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Chanelbelle Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 I do think that the husband or wife that does the cheating is more to blame then the other women/other man. This is a person that is not working on thier marriage, instead going out and being with another person, while ignoring the obvious problems at home. The other man/other women is a participant, true, but speaking from experiance, it is hard to sympathize with someone you have never met. The man I am with, I have never met his wife, another problem here is that love makes you blind, and sometimes all you can see is that person who you truly care about and not what you are doing to your own/the spouses self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Originally posted by Chanelbelle I do think that the husband or wife that does the cheating is more to blame then the other women/other man. This is a person that is not working on thier marriage, instead going out and being with another person, while ignoring the obvious problems at home. The other man/other women is a participant, true, but speaking from experiance, it is hard to sympathize with someone you have never met. The man I am with, I have never met his wife, another problem here is that love makes you blind, and sometimes all you can see is that person who you truly care about and not what you are doing to your own/the spouses self esteem. Because you choose NOT to see. You choose NOT to care about anyone else. Love may be blind to a persons faults, but NOT to a persons spouse. BIG difference. Both parties in an affair are equally to blame. They get the hurt they deserve. The spouse/children of the cheater did nothing to deserve it. An honest and decent person would bow out of the marriage before having an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 You are right, Rightlymia nobody is perfect. However, if you are an adult and knowingly get involved with a married man - you need to realize that your actions ARE hurtful and disrespectful. Using an excuse that you are following your heart or that it is an unhappy marriage is not good enough. Instead of following your heart, follow your brain. Have some respect for yourself and for the concept of marriage. Find a man who is available and will treat you well. If you allow yourself to accept anything else - you are opening yourself up to a lot of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 My dad's fond of observing that "sympathy" can be found in the dictionary. Right between sh*t and syphillis. Link to post Share on other sites
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