Jane-Doe Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 "You fall in and out of love with your husband/wife all throughout your marriage. You always love him/her but you are not in love with him/her. And it is what you do when you are not in love with him/her that makes or breaks a marriage" This is what the woman had said in her post after saying said quote: I also love my husband, just sometimes that love is the giddy, freecaring, romantic, stargazing, heart racing, sexy, head in the clouds kind of love {thats when you are in love} which everyone has experienced and enjoys. But you cant stay that way for years and years, life gets in the way, you have kids, you change diaper {nothing romantic about that}, you pay bills {not romantic}, you get sick {definately not sexy} So most of the time, i just love him. But if you just hold on long enough,{in my case up to 2 or 3 years} and if you have a parnter that actually cares about you, you will notice one day, out of the blue, WHAM...you get that fluttery feeling again when you look at him, and you just cant keep your hands off him, and before you know it, you are all in love with him/her again... I was reading boards when I came across the post. Do you find this quote to be true? I am currently having troubles with my long term partner of 5 years. (He wants to purpose). I have lately been feeling as if my feelings are fading. I'm unsure if it's a phase, or the lack of space between each other. We are together 24/7, and I think that it is contributing to my resentment. I am hoping that once I take some space apart for him I will have a bigger sense of my feelings for him. The issue also ties with the above quote. It would be great to hear some input if you feel the above has some truth to it. - Jane D Link to post Share on other sites
DufenSchmertz Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Why are you in this relationship in the first place if he wants to get married, and you don't? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane-Doe Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 Why are you in this relationship in the first place if he wants to get married, and you don't? I never said I did not want to. In the future if things are better within our relationship I would not be opposed to marriage. However, I would like to work through whatever problems we are encountering now. It would be foolish to enter a marriage without identifying my current issues. Link to post Share on other sites
DufenSchmertz Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I never said I did not want to. In the future if things are better within our relationship I would not be opposed to marriage. However, I would like to work through whatever problems we are encountering now. It would be foolish to enter a marriage without identifying my current issues. After five years you either do or you don't. If he's ready to propose he wants to get married NOW or soon, not some indefinite time in the future. You don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane-Doe Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 After five years you either do or you don't. If he's ready to propose he wants to get married NOW or soon, not some indefinite time in the future. You don't. Again, it is all about timing. It isn't wise to enter a marriage when you have conflicts to get over. If we are to get engaged to be married, I want to make sure that things are moving along smooth. The last thing we'd want is to end up with a failed marriage. Many people have longer engagements, it does not always equal up to "NOW" or immediate. You do not know how my partner feels about the subject. I don't appreciate you putting words into my mouth or making assumptions on my relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 We've been together 20 years. I've gone days without "in love" feelings. I've never gone weeks, months, or years, though. Usually it is a matter of working through a misunderstanding or resentment, and we're back I may be a different breed, though, because typical "romantic" stuff has little effect on me. On the other hand, the diapering, bill paying, and illness times (when handled well--and H handles them VERY well), make me feel very loved and in love. I appreciate him so much when we are depending on each other the most, and that translates to feeling deeply in love for me. I would not marry if your feelings of love are fading. I don't necessarily think it means you are with the wrong person, but it may mean that you aren't ready for marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane-Doe Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 Thanks for the reply xxoo! It's good to hear that you are able to get through those tough times when they occur. That is my main focus right now, communication. So I suppose that the above does have some truth to it. - At this point I am not ready (yet) BUT this does not mean I don't want it in the future (Next year(s?) or so). As the other poster had assumed. I feel that I need to get my feelings in-check before I consider a life long commitment. My main focus is to repair our issues, and resume to being a happy couple. I think that he would agree too. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Sometimes I find that my love for my Hubby becomes hidden. This can happen with his love for me too. We just carry on and it returns, usually after we have overcome something together.. I think our vow to love 'For better or for worse' kind of kicks in at these times and we pull together. Mainly this seems possible because when one of us becomes weak the other one fills in the gaps. We have not seen a stage where we both feel weak for a prolonged period of time. We just see this now as part of life when those times come around, which thankfully are not often! Historically this has happened around periods of transition. Thinking back the seven year mark was quite testing too. We were like, 'what is going on here?' That was a strange phase but we adjusted together. I can't comment on your situation OP as we made our commitments early on in our relationship. In my other main relationship I avoided the idea of marriage and now can see that we weren't right for each other... I suppose the million pound question kicks in here. If you came into one million pounds tomorrow, would you stay in your relationship? Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Linda9999 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 In Greek, there are four words for love which describe it much better than just one. Storge - Affection Philia - Friendship Eros - Romance Agape - Unconditional Love I definitely believe partners can fall 'out of love' in a healthy marriage, but when they do they have just moved from one type to another. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 In Greek, there are four words for love which describe it much better than just one. Storge - Affection Philia - Friendship Eros - Romance Agape - Unconditional Love I definitely believe partners can fall 'out of love' in a healthy marriage, but when they do they have just moved from one type to another. I like that a lot! Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Ive been told variations of the same idea by couples who have been long married and are happy they road it out. Link to post Share on other sites
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