Bad to worse!

[Gisele]

Here's most of my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278267/

 

Today i had the horrible realisation of just how chummy my ex's new girlfriend is with our old mutual friends, but worse, old friends ive had for years and years

 

She constantly hangs around with them, i feel like i can't approach a group she's with when she's sitting there with my ex. i don't have the guts

 

Some of these friends know the situation, some don't (and i don't plan on telling them) but it's absolutely breaking my heart

 

I feel like not only does HE prefer her, but my old friends do as well

 

Im so intimidated by her. I don't think she's better than me, though my mind is now constantly screaming at me that she is, she's just so loud and popular and CONFIDENT.

 

I still have feelings for him, and it's killing me seeing them together, but at least i could isolate that situation and avoid them

 

I feel like my world's being taken over by it, and ive nowhere to hide seeing her wth them just makes me feel like ive lost them (probably projecting from my experience with him) and i feel so isolated and forgotten

 

It's like ive been replaced in every way. Im crying over this again guys I have one good day, followed by some bad event/realisation like this

 

What i'd give to be able to have 100% no contact....

[Gisele]

It's actually gotten to the stage now were im contemplating transferring. This has been the most miserable year of my life, im pretty sure at one stage I was suffering quite severe depression. Family even commented that i seemed like a different person, im usually very upbeat and positive

 

I would never do it though, my course is so competitive that getting in somewhere else would be exceptionally rare.

Also, i love my degree, i just feel like socially i started out brilliantly, and since going out with him, my confidence disappeared and now im isolated because they have 'claimed' a lot of people as their group, and im on the outskirts. His younger, forgotten ex.

 

I really, really need to vent today. I feel awful

[Ajax]

If it hurts, don't do it! It may not be fair that your ex and his new lady stole your friends, but if seeing them together is setting you back, you may need to go your own way for a while. Hopefully they'll understand, but if they don't maybe they're not really the type of people you want as friends in the first place.

 

This has been the most miserable year of my life, im pretty sure at one stage I was suffering quite severe depression. Family even commented that i seemed like a different person, im usually very upbeat and positive

 

I can completely relate to this. I've said the same thing about the past year for me. And I'm not the same guy I was before my ex dumped me. I used to be a lot less serious and a lot more fun. I miss the old me.

 

I'm not familiar with your story though, what program are you in that's so competative? And are these friends/ex/new girlfriend in that program? If not, maybe you could start making friends in your classes.

[Gisele]

Im about to be a third year medical student in London

Medical schools have very different structures depending on where you go, and i wouldn't be able to just go into another at this stage because we've been trained in different ways. Also, it doesn't show great commitment if you drop out and reapply

 

I can't go my own way, that's the problem unfortunately They're both on my course. i have to see them together about 8 hours a day.

 

There's nowhere to hide. im 19, shes 26, he's just turned 23. We're all in the same course: everyone goes out together, if you're not there...well, you're forgotten about really. it's a pretty social year. I feel like avoiding them, which i desperate would love to be able to do, will just isolate me. That ill lose my old friends forever.

 

They slept together straight after our break-up, she had broken up with her longterm boyfriend a few hours before. I feel like im having a panic attack sometimes to be honest, when they're kissing in front of me, or I see them acting all friendly with people ive known for years

 

Thank you so much for replying. it really helps to know that im not unusual to feel like a break-up has changed you for the worse. Though im really sorry that you're feeling this low too

[Gisele]

Lol im sure a lot of people are going to be thinking 'she'll be some doctor....:/'

 

This isn't normally how i am. I have 4 brothers, 2 older and 2 younger, and the 2 younger are very severely disabled. it's made me (well the old me) into a very, 'man-up and carry on' type. i was popular, outgoing, confident. I tried to stay positive about a lot of things, because i knew there's so much worse that can happen to people

 

Part of why im so upset is how MUCH it's affected me: im shocked at my own reaction im shocked at how much things change in a year

[bl22]

I know you must be hurting like crazy right now and I cannot imagine how it feels to be seeing your ex and new gf day in day out. I only caught a glimpse of a picture of my ex with the new guy and that tore my heart out at the time.

 

What I think is best for you right now is to somehow try and find the motivation and determination to succeed. You don't need that guy or any guy to be happy. If these friends who know about your situation and know how much it hurts you stil insist on being with them instead of you then lets face it, theyre not true friends as true friends always stick by you and won't put you in awkward situations which is what it sounds like at the moment.

They may not realise theyre doing anything wrong, in which case it might be better to have a quiet word with them and tell them you are stil hurting over this (understandably) and that you dont want the situation to get anymore hurtful or awkward for you.

 

In time, i can gurantee you'll feel much better, but you have to find the inner fighter in you. By this I dont mean taking revenge or anything like that but focusing solely on yourself and your success in life. I'm sure you being a medical student that you have quite high goals you'd like to achieve and since the breakup, you probably haven't been yourself. You need to focus on you and just know, you've already hit rock bottom, the only way you are heading now is upwards. I feel you've already been through the worst of this and once you get the real you back, you will realise that they are no better than you.

In fact, id say you were pretty damn tough to make it this far despite how much it hurts inside, and although you are thinking of transfering, just know the worst is over and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Focus on your goals in life, be the best you can be, and dont bother with people who disregard your feelings because at the end of the day, theyre just not worth it and you will do better than them!

Edited May 18, 2011 by bl22

[nini]

Hi Gisele, sorry about your situation, it doesnt sound good, it must suck to watch them together everyday. Good on you for handling it so far. How long has it been since you guys broke-up?

 

I would suggest:

 

- Maybe reach out to a couple of friends and suggest meeting up for coffee or go cinema or shopping? During it, try not to talk about him/them, focus on having a good time and enjoy yourself with them. Is this possible?

 

- Make sure you do really well in your studies, since you guys are on the same course, you dont want them and especially her see you mess up your studies. I'm assuming you will soon be applying for your foundation year training? Make sure you do the best you possibly can. In a few years from now, you will look back and he will be someone you just met and it didnt work out, hopefully you will look back at your relationship with indifference. However, if you mess up studies, it'll be a regret that stays with you forever. So pls dont do that.

 

- Are you from London? If not, maybe go home on weekends and hang out with friends from school? Maybe join a new hobby, e.g. I've been going through a really rough patch recently with my bf and though we're still together, there's a lot of uncertainty in the air, so I've decided to join Zumba classes. Maybe you can try something similar?

 

-You're only 19, there will be soooooooooooooo many opportunities for you in the future. Please dont waste the next 2 years of your Uni life over this guy. Meet other ppl outside the medicine program, join some clubs etc.

 

I hope you feel better very soon.

[justagirrl]

Since we're the same age, I feel like I can really relate to you...even though our situations are quite different. This has been the most miserable year of my life (so far) as well...and I have been very depressed for months now. I've been reading a lot on here, and we're not the only ones. My friends and family have noticed a change in my behavior =/

 

I think I made a big mistake agreeing to be friends with benefits for now. "If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they're forever yours." <---- I ignored that, because it's so hard for me to completely let go. And the fact that I haven't seen him in 3 weeks (I'm not counting the other night because he was completely wasted and had no idea what was going on) sucks because I really just wanna have the opportunity to talk in person. I did terrible this semester grade wise...I'm always an A, B student....got C's and D's =( This has taken over my life. I try to keep myself busy with 2 part-time jobs, but they're in the town he lives in and all I ever do is think about him.

 

Don't let this effect school. Stay where you are, because it seems like you have a great opportunity, and you should take advantage of it. I understand how you're in shock that all of this happened so fast...so am I. We've only known each other for 6 months now and it feels like years.

 

I don't know if you saw my post yesterday, but my phone broke the other night after I was texting him and he said that rude thing to me and never answered. I really think it was a sign like...I've done this soooo many times, and I know what the outcome is going to be...yet I keep doing it. I have a temporary phone on now until my new one comes in the mail later, but I haven't put his number in it (even tho I know it by heart)...Last night I almost put his number in, I had the "heyy" text written out and just drafted it. I swear I put my finger on the send button at least 10 times thinking about the consequences. In my head ------> "It's 930 pm...what's the point? It's probably gonna be whats up, nothing, u, nothing, how was your day, good"...small-talk and a pointless way to break NC. I wouldn't be accomplishing anything, and I would just feel like crap afterwards because sometimes it seems like he just answers to be nice. I over analyze things a lot...but still, I know what I deserve and it's not this. And you don't deserve to see this happen to you either. Stand up for yourself (I need to learn how to do this) and become focused on you.

 

I'm trying my best to help, but I'm hurting so much as well. It's 11:50 am here. I woke up about a half hour ago. This is NOT like me what so ever. But this has been happening ever since I've been depressed, like I want to sleep as much as possible to the day is shorter and the less time I have to think about him. Sad, very sad. We're 19 years old. Our life is just getting started. So many people have tried to tell me how beautiful I am, and to just look at him, and I'm way better than him....it's so easy for them to say that bc they don't know what he's like when he's with me. But then again, I push the red flags aside bc of how much I like him.

 

This is turning into a lot because I seem to be venting as well =/ sorry lol.

 

I wanna text him in a few days and tell him I miss him and I want to get together...it's just bothering me so much that we haven't had a serious conversation in person, but it's almost like beating a dead horse now. I know how he is...he likes to act like nothing happened so I know if I text him, he's gonna be his normal goofy self...but I don't want to look stupid if I ask to see him and he has something to do or is busy =(

 

Honestly, I would just stay NC. YOU have control. Make it like a game. How many days can you do it. Honestly, you're probably going to break it a few times...because I did. And he even texted first after a few days of me being NC. Just give it a try...it will give you power even tho you're still going to be very upset. It takes a lot of healing time and I'm trying to begin that. Just keep venting. I'm working at the tanning salon today so I'll most likely be on here

[Gisele]

Thank you SO much to everyone that replied.

 

It gave me a good wake-up call that im going to start neglecting my work if i keep letting it upset me. What am i saying, it HAS affected my studies: i've never had a worse year in terms of taking my foot off the pedal. I learn fast, and i don't think my exams are in jeopardy, but i could have really reached my full potential and i didn't even try.

 

I was heartbroken. I couldn't focus. I still can't really. Obviously in hospital id be paying attention to the patients we were practicing examinations on etc, but in my flat later, in private, id break down in tears

 

Im much better than i was a while ago, and im tempted to think the worst is over, but i don't want to set myself up for more disappointment: i thought it was over when he had sex with her. Then i thought the worst was over when they started going out officially. Then i thought it was over when they started to cling to my old friends. Then I thought it was over when i admitted to him how i felt, and he let me down in a patronising, 'she's amazing' type of way. Then i thought it was over when i learnt they're going to Spain for 3 weeks. See where this is going?

 

I have learnt that i can try to IGNORE how it's going though. I obviously still hear and see them, and there's times im literally stuck sitting in earshot, but things like facebook and mutual friends discussing them: i have power over that, and im going to use it

 

I felt good today. Didn't think about it much.

 

And im not from london, im from glasgow. It's a bit far to head home a lot, and i don't have a car at the minute (i wouldn't need one here anyway) so i can't really afford it.

 

I know a lot of people here from years ago though, really close friends, and although some of them are becoming part of my ex's new group, there are others who aren't medics and I should spend more time with them

 

Justagirrl i know EXACTLY what you mean about wanting to sleep all the time. I slept for a day straight after he rejected me. Wasn't getting up until 12pm some days. Skipped a LOT of classes. I felt exhausted all the time, but i also knew i just didn't WANT to get out of bed.

 

Actually went to my doctor in case it was a physical problem (though deep down i knew why), but blood tests were fine and it was only when i recognised the questions he was asking me that i realised 'he's checking me for depression...'

That was a wake-up call. Pardon the awful pun.

 

Im trying not to let it get my confidence down. I do my best in terms of looking after myself and trying to keep my spirits up. but i have people telling me i look beautiful, i get male attention, and it lasts about ten seconds until i see them together, or i see her and a voice in the back of my head says 'you're not that great...he prefers her. She must have qualities you don't. It doesn't matter how hard you try, because she's won'

 

One thing i really can't get over in terms of focusing on them though, is HOW LONG THEY'RE GOING TO LAST.

 

It's partly because i have feelings for him, but i know we'd never work now so i also know it's just me being insecure, angry at how poorly he treated me (borderline manipulation at times) and how well he treats her, but most importantly me being JEALOUS and indignant that he gets a happy ending, and i don't

 

He was cruel to me. I had people i didn't even know remarking on his behaviour. And i stayed because id already fallen hard, he was older and im naive, and i wanted his approval so badly

 

So why does he get to be so happy? To not feel nervous going out at night in case we see each other? He makes out with her in front of me on these nights out, gropes her and everything, and it's me that's left standing like the loser. And it hurts

 

 

I know it's childish. But i also know there are a hell of a lot of people here feeling the exact same way, and are watching their ex's new relationship out of the corner of their eye, hoping it ends sooner rather than later

 

 

Im scared of getting my hopes up that they'll break up over the summer or something, then having to face them in september with them stronger than ever. Im definitely crossing my fingers that they will. I know that's unhealthy. Im just scared of returning and feeling even more socially isolated and insignificant. And lonely.

 

Or worse, that they'll stick together for the rest of this degree :/ I'll be 22 when/if I graduate (i still don't understand how im going to be a junior doctor at 22), and she'll be turning 30.

 

Shouldn't that make me feel better? It doesn't. Because i can see her pushing for marriage by then, and maybe THEN the worst would be over lol

 

Thanks again for replying. i really do appreciate your patience with me, and the support is great

[Gisele]

Also sorry for double post, but im still mulling over what to do about heading out for big events that everyone goes to, when it's guaranteed they'll be there.

 

Keep trying to push NC as far as the circumstances will let me, and not go? (it really is heartbreaking having to see them) And risk drifting away from some people on my course?

 

Or keep going until it stops hurting?

 

We all rented out a part of a london club one time for a charity event, with that many people it was pretty cheap, and they had a big screen that they flashed photos of people up on later on in the night.

They put up a photo of the two of them, sitting with their arms wrapped round each other. Loads of people cheered and clapped, a few 'awwws'.

 

I wanted to melt into the ground. A friend of mine squeezed my hand and i didnt burst into tears or anything, thank god

 

Was still painful, and felt like someone was tugging my guts out

It's tricky. I don't know whether going is brave, or just masochistic

[Ajax]

Thank you SO much to everyone that replied.

 

It gave me a good wake-up call that im going to start neglecting my work if i keep letting it upset me. What am i saying, it HAS affected my studies: i've never had a worse year in terms of taking my foot off the pedal. I learn fast, and i don't think my exams are in jeopardy, but i could have really reached my full potential and i didn't even try.

 

 

Oh my, I can relate to this so much! My ex broke up with me last summer actually, just after my summer courses ended and my fall courses were to begin. I became a mess. For one thing, my ex had helped me move into a new apartment a couple months before, and left such an indelible mark on that place that I couldn't stay there for an entire month after the breakup. I lay in bed some days myself, though I couldn't sleep. I just lay there. I didn't eat either. I lost twenty pounds that first month.

 

When classes started, somehow I managed to keep my 4.0 GPA, but as this was my final year, I had a capstone project to complete. I just didn't do it. It was all I could do to get through my classes. It's not that I didn't complete it, I didn't even start the thing.

 

I'm actually working on it now, and should be done by the end of June. But I definitely let my studies slide because I was so broken up over her. It's embarrasing.

 

Also sorry for double post, but im still mulling over what to do about heading out for big events that everyone goes to, when it's guaranteed they'll be there.

 

I don't know what to tell you, but I'm curious as to what you do and how you handle this. In a few months I will be in my friend's wedding, and my ex (his cousin) will be there, possibly with her new boyfriend. I have no idea how I'm going to handle that myself.

 

I think ultimately though, you have to let time do it's thing. Cliche I know, but I've never found anything that magically makes the hurt dissappear.

 

Is there any volunteer work you can do? Outside clubs or organizations you can join to develop friendships outside of your classes?

[Gisele]

I had my last exam today.

 

There is no way in hell ive passed. Im in tears

 

Ive only got myself to blame, but i feel awful

 

I can resit it if i need to, but i shouldn't have put myself in the position to have to repeat

 

My parents are going to be so disappointed in me. I haven't worked properly for months, and i was a fool to think id be able to pull things together by now

 

I left it all too late. Because i was sitting around heartbroken and crying, not wanting to do ANYTHING

 

My parents have no idea about him, or the big ugly break-up and having to see him everyday, and they wouldn't take it as an excuse anyway

 

Am absolutely kicking myself. Ive really screwed up.

[Ajax]

I had my last exam today.

 

There is no way in hell ive passed. Im in tears

 

Ive only got myself to blame, but i feel awful

 

I can resit it if i need to, but i shouldn't have put myself in the position to have to repeat

 

My parents are going to be so disappointed in me. I haven't worked properly for months, and i was a fool to think id be able to pull things together by now

 

I left it all too late. Because i was sitting around heartbroken and crying, not wanting to do ANYTHING

 

My parents have no idea about him, or the big ugly break-up and having to see him everyday, and they wouldn't take it as an excuse anyway

 

Am absolutely kicking myself. Ive really screwed up.

 

I'm sorry you're still hurting, Gisele. Maybe you'll surprise yourself and have passed. It's happened to me before, it could happen to you.

 

And even if you didn't, it's not the end of the world. Although there is a guy here in the US claiming that the end of the world is actually tomorrow...

 

What happens if you have to repeat the course? Could it be a blessing in disguise? Look at it this way: if you do have to repeat it, at least you won't be taking it with your ex and his new girl. And you might even make a new friend or two!

[Gisele]

No id just need to resit it in the summer then it'd be back to normal

 

I don't know...i keep doing that stupid thing where you count up the marks you could possibly get, and even when im generous (and our professors are NOT!) im nowhere near the pass mark

 

I just didn't work hard enough. i didn't know my stuff

 

How im going to deal with my parents' reaction is another story :/

 

Haha i didn't hear about that guy, interesting! What's his theory?

 

ugh. not a good day.

I really need to get my act together now. This is a perfect example of just how BADLY your feelings can start to take over your life!

 

Didnt see them outside the exam though, which was a blessing

 

Sorry, you asked me before how i deal with it because you're attending the wedding, forgot to answer

 

Basically: look your best, and you'll feel your best.

Or closer to it than usual...

 

Try not to imagine what it's going to be like when you bump into them too much or you'll build it up in your head, but have a plan laid out in your head which is basically: be brief, be polite, be gone

 

Smile and say hi if you see either of them, but try to keep walking/strike up a conversation with someone else. Anything more or less looks bad

 

Don't drink too much, it doesn't help. For me it just amplifies the feelings im trying to suppress.

 

If it gets really bad, go somewhere private and calm yourself for a while. So many times, at events where they'd be whispering sweet nothings to each other or kissing in full view of everyone, if it was really heartbreaking to watch, id actually just go to the ladies and gather up some courage (and get some peace and quiet) before heading back out to witness more

 

God, the more i write here just reminds me how much of an ordeal going out with people from my course has been, with them there :/ it's a test of stamina

 

Try to refrain from glancing over at them too much. It's hard to look away. if there's anyone at the wedding you really get on with, or always lifts your spirits, stick close to them!

 

And remember, no matter how bad you feel inside, if you don't let it show they'll be none the wiser, and you'll come out of it with your dignity intact

[Lilmisus]

I feel where you're coming from chica! Not sure if you've seen any of my posts, but for a long story short, I worked at my job for over three years, dated my ex for a year, then he left me for a coworker who was a friend of mine two months ago. Since then, a few people have taken sides though we tried to make it to where we could still have mutual friends there.

 

But I know how it feels to feel like you can't go around a group of your friends because he's standing there..especially if he's there with her. I know how it feels to feel that he treated you like sh*t and he treats her like a f*cking princess. It hurts a lot. Makes you feel like something's wrong with you or that something isn't quite good enough. I let my breakup get in the way with my academics as well and ended up failing a very important course as well, sadly.

 

But what a few people suggested for me to do, is to date someone right in front of him. Make him jealous and all of that, ya know? But I personally couldn't date someone out of spite. Like your ex, he also told me how much happier he was and told me to move on as well...and he continued to flaunt their relationship around like it's no one's business.

 

I let them get in the way of my life too much, and so have you. The other day I realized that they weren't important enough to get in the way of who I talked to, or how I did in school or work, and that they're definitely not important enough to hate. He treated you like sh*t, so why should he be important enough for you to dictate who you talk to and when based on the fact that y'all dated for a few months? Don't give them that power. They're not worth it, trust me.

 

So, I want you to do me a favor. Write down (not on here, but if you want to, go for it), what kind of future you want, and what kind of guy you deserve. Write down how strong you are and how you deserve to be treated like he's treating her and how you deserve to be friends with your mutual friends, regardless of if you're with him or not. He's not great enough for you to say no to talking and hanging out with those who he's talking to and friends with as well.

 

But basically, what I'm trying to get at is that you're so much better than this. Take your focus off of them, and take your mind off of them. Focus on you and how you want and deserve happiness just as much as he does. Strive for that happiness and show him that you know that you're better off without him. Trust me, it will drive him crazy to see how happy you are without him by your side. It's worked for me, and I believe that it can work for you as well. I gots faith in ya

[Gisele]

Lilmisus thank you so much for replying, it really helps to know im not alone!!

 

Yesterday was a terrible day, but today was a bit better.

 

You're right in saying i should just walk up and talk to these people, regardless of whether they're there or not, but i honestly feel like id have a panic attack if i tried to, and i can't even pinpoint why!

 

I'd feel unwelcome, or like an intruder, and my mind's telling me what if they sit there thinking 'what's SHE doing here...'

 

Which is actually very self-absorbed really, im sure these friends don't think twice about it

 

I guess im afraid of any interaction with my ex and his new girl, beyond what is necessary and unavoidable

 

I don't get it though. It sounds paranoid, but it's almost as if they've noticed who im close to, who ive been friends with for years, and are pursuing them.

it really is more on their part than my friends, even the unaware ones are just responding to them striking up conversation etc. They 'like' everything these friends say on facebook, approach them outside class...

 

i honestly feel like im getting pushed to the side

 

My ex was VERY aware of 'getting popular', and tended only to talk to the 'in crowd' and try to get into as many groups as possible. I never understood why. he's 23, but behaved like he was a 16 year old girl. Ive no problem with him trying to be the centre of attention, but it's upsetting enough to have to see them together everyday, while i walk past alone trying to keep my chin up. I dont want to lose my friends to him too

 

thanks again lilmisus. And ajax as well, the support really helps

Edited May 21, 2011 by Gisele

[Lilmisus]

I definitely feel you on the anxiety. I let it control my life, not just after the breakup, but since I was a child, since I had social anxiety up until last year when I really started to not let it rule my life. But one thing I learned, is that it's all in your head - anxiety is - and what you need to do is to control your thoughts. Yeah, when you breakup with someone and have mutual friends, it's hard to imagine approaching them and their new girlfriend, but know that it's okay. It's actually great if you can! It shows that you're the better person in the situation to be able to put the past in the past and move forward with your life..which I know is hard to do right now. Believe me, I was in the same boat up until yesterday when I left my job.

 

How about you try this...try approaching your friends if it's just your ex around and she's no where in sight, at first (even if it may be rare that she's not glued to his side every now and then), until you get used to his presence again. Or..if it's only her and your friends, go up and start talking to them or asking them questions or whatever. Maybe even be the nice person and compliment her on something so that you can get used to talking to her (which, you'll probably have to do if she's hanging out with all of your friends). Plus, it may help if you take him or her aside and tell them that you want to work at a friendship with them. Or at least work at being friendly towards one another since you have many of the same friends and since you have a course together. Maybe tell them that you know it will be hard, but that you think it's the right thing to do, and that you hope they understand and are willing to work at one with you.

 

I know it's hard to do. Trust me, I definitely know. But I also know some of the necessary steps you need to take in order to move forward with your life and to put them and the breakup far, far behind you. Once you are able to confront her and or him on their own, then it wont be as hard to confront them together. If it helps, just remember that she helped take a horrible part of your life away from you - a boyfriend who treated you like sh*t. Try to convince yourself to thank her for helping you move forward, even if you haven't quite done that yet. Since most likely, you'd probably still be pining for him if he was single still..even if you wouldn't want to admit it.

[Gisele]

Is it really bad that i get the most comfort from telling myself they won't be together forever, and hoping that they have a messy break-up which makes their social situation just as awkward as mine?

 

Obviously im working on myself and trying to just ignore them, but still...

 

it wouldn't be BAD news...:/

[Kilty]

I do that too Gisele - but i've found that the more i wish it to happen the closer together they become.

 

So i try not to think of them at all - obviously impossible with the work situation but still

 

The wedding is in August and there is no backtracking at this stage - so i've accepted it's gonna happen some time ago and that will be the ultimate closure (i hope)

[nana841121]

and i just want to add that sometimes, your imagination plays its own game and amplifies a lot of things.

reach out for your friends, give them another shot.

[Gisele]

Yeah id actually never thought of that...maybe i focus on them so much that it appears bigger than it is

 

She's worse for it than he is sometimes, and i do think they're trying to turn things into some sort of popularity contest. I don't know whether to fight back and try to re-assert myself, or let them get tired while i go spend time with other people

 

I have a really, really strong urge to text him today. i don't know why, or what for. Saw something that reminded me of an inside joke of ours, and my first instinct was to text him. I havent yet though.

 

I haven't had a problem sticking to NC, especially given his response to me admitting i had feelings, until now

[Gisele]

i also definitely think im starting to fixate on her and beat myself up in comparison again

it's a horrible feeling. Are there any good ways of stopping yourself from constantly comparing yourself to your ex's new gf/bf?

 

Distraction only works until i have to see them again. I need a way to tell my mind 'shut it' whenever it starts the usual 'it's because she's more experienced than you/more fun than you/thinner than you' thoughts!

[nana841121]

You get hurts.

You Blew every tiny detail our of proportion.

Do the comparison between you and his current girlfriend. and felt crestfallen and doubted yourself. it's quite normal.

But, keep in mind that she is just an ordinary girl.

i am so lucky that my ex's current girlfriend is a 19-year-old local freshman in college.

ex is her teacher.

He doesn't deserve me.

[Gisele]

...Im a 19 year old student :/

 

And she's 26. that's one of the problems, i feel so insignificant

[Ajax]

...Im a 19 year old student :/

 

And she's 26. that's one of the problems, i feel so insignificant

 

It's easy to look at ourselves and feel that we aren't good enough, or that nobody cares. But that doesn't mean it's true and the feeling won't last forever.

 

When I first heard my ex was with someone new, and then especially after I saw a picture of them together, I couldn't help thinking how much more he must have to offer her than I did. I gave everything I had in my relationship, and at the end of the day my girlfriend wasn't happy. I wasn't bad to her. I was romantic, supportive, and loving. And yet she ultimately chose someone else over me. I felt like a a toy that she'd gotten bored with and tossed away.

 

It takes time to bounce back. And what you do with that time is important too. You're going into a really noble profession, Gisele, and you're going to be in a position to help a lot of people and do a lot of good. That's not insignifigant.

 

What your ex and his new GF are doing by throwing their relationship in your face isn't classy, but you're classy. Keep being classy and people will take notice.