Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks guys Had a really great day, spent it with a group of girlfriends. About 10pm we were out getting drinks, phone buzzed and it was him :/ i felt really happy (pathetically) and really freaked out all at once. I think it's because i haven't had any contact with him in about 5 weeks, didn't expect to see his name in my phone again. Just said 'Happy birthday! ' I havent replied, but i dont know if thats really rude or not. Was thinking of just sending a mass 'thanks for the birthday wishes everyone' type text. Part of me is scared ill get talking to him again, part of me WANTS to. But that latter part needs to get her head screwed on Had a nightmare last night (haha..) that he told her i had admitted feelings for him, and she phoned me and started hurling abuse at me, and afterwards a load of mutual friends started writing stuff on my facebook like 'whats wrong with you?' and 'lock up your boyfriends...' It felt VERY real, have never been more happy to realise ive been dreaming! Though it did remind me that it's a very real fear of mine. I don't know what id do if he ever did that Link to post Share on other sites
nini Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Happy birthday Gisele! Wishing you loads of success, happiness and good times x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks Nini, that's really sweet I think on the whole im getting stronger, but today? God i miss him. It really really hurts. Even just thinking about what it'd be like to have him back. It would help if i didnt find him so charming Im missing him like hell. The certain way he'd look at me or touch my hair. Can't believe she gets all that now. Even just seeing a picture of him gives me that lurching feeling. I miss his VOICE, for crying out loud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Im reading and re-reading kilty's 'you do not miss him' list here just to stop myself from contacting him That, and last night's dream are all thats stopping me from picking up my phone. Wow, this has hit me fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Dont do it and DO NOT REPLY ! Trust me on this You are just getting to the top of the hill This is the hardest part as it's all the first things since the split. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas etc - ALL of them are crap when they are the first after the split After that it will be fine And it still isnt him you really miss - it's just someone better. Dont listen to the fantasies your mind makes up - God knows ive had a year of them but they are burning out. And get that elastic band tweaked girl ! ps - Happy Birthday x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 I barely even saw him today and i still cant stop thinking about him!! And what if he's changed? He clearly seems to treat HER well, so maybe he's grown up a bit. I really cant get him out of my head. It's driving me to distraction. I just want him to be holding ME again like that i miss him. Maybe his nastier side has softened a bit? He still made me laugh far more than most, and he was smart. Very smart. He kept me interested What id give to have him miss me too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 On facebook to check a message a friend sent, first thing in my newsfeed is a mutual friend who he lives with saying to him "Mate you need to rein it in, all i can hear is you two f***ing non-stop, am heading out but we need to chat about rent later" Feel like i cant breathe again. Am in tears. Vivid mental pictures. When is this going to stop i honestly cant take this anymore. It's too difficult. It's bad enough trying to come to terms with him being with and sleeping with someone else without having to see them both I know i can do better than him. It just really doesn't feel that way. Im still bursting into floods of tears at the drop of a hat I lost my virginity at 18 to a friend, and it was a one-off thing, we weren't together. It just happened. This guy is the first guy ive slept with while actually in a relationship. And i can't stop picturing them together now This is so painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 How am i going to cope on wednesday night? Ill break down at the SIGHT of them leaving in a taxi at the end of the night at this rate Why did i break up with him if it was going to be this painful. Im so jealous of her taking my place in his life Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) Gisele doesnt matter what age we are we want REAL love. I hope one day to meet a girl that I love soo much that she is actually irreplacable to me..Look all over the news (papers etc etc) celebs breaking up left right and center. Everyday people always wanting more, wanting out. To find a love thats irreplacable is my dream. This guy replaced you without even thinking. Go find yourself a man that will love you (all of you) till day you die x Edited May 30, 2011 by Mack05 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 I feel dreadful. Like i cant quite catch my breath. I hate what this break-up has done to me. I used to be so strong, and calm. I feel like my emotions are all over the place now. Link to post Share on other sites
Desensitized Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I feel dreadful. Like i cant quite catch my breath. I hate what this break-up has done to me. I used to be so strong, and calm. I feel like my emotions are all over the place now. Gisele, like my dad says, we all have relationships that will always leave a scar on our hearts. The last serious relationship I was in with my ex-fiancee, that left so many scars on my heart. But with those scars, comes wisdom. I also hated what my last serious relationship did to me, I used to HATE so much what became of me. I was a monster that was out of control, and I wanted to unleash my pain on anyone that provoked me. I later realized that fighting fire with fire was pointless, so I used my negative energy and converted it into positive energy. I started working out (got my six pack abs :]), started eating healthy, started socializing with my best friends again, started helping people, started reading more, and I have just been doing my best to improve myself in every aspect. You still are strong and calm, but you're letting these negative emotions take over you. I am blessed to have a good amount of self-discipline, so doing things like the aforementioned come pretty easy to me, but you can develop self-discipline! You need to be proactive, Gisele. For some people, time doesn't heal all wounds. You can do this, don't give up. Never, ever, give up. Don't let this consume you, Gisele. Please... fight Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 thank you so much for replying. I want to fight it, it just feels like everytime i feel good about myself again, something happens and it knocks me back The whole thing is really wearing me down. I cant keep dragging myself in to face them again and again. im exhausted. Kilty, if you read this, i dont know where you're getting the strength, because mine is DEFINITELY fading! Ive tried channeling my frustration. Im a dancer, and i just forced myself to push myself more, faster, more focused. The effects were good, but temporary. Lasted until i faced them again. That comment about them being at it like rabbits has really affected me. I still have such strong feelings for him Ive really never been this miserable before in my life. I wouldnt wish this whole experience on my worst enemy. it's completely consumed me, and ive got nowhere to go to get away from them Link to post Share on other sites
Desensitized Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 thank you so much for replying. I want to fight it, it just feels like everytime i feel good about myself again, something happens and it knocks me back The whole thing is really wearing me down. I cant keep dragging myself in to face them again and again. im exhausted. Kilty, if you read this, i dont know where you're getting the strength, because mine is DEFINITELY fading! Ive tried channeling my frustration. Im a dancer, and i just forced myself to push myself more, faster, more focused. The effects were good, but temporary. Lasted until i faced them again. That comment about them being at it like rabbits has really affected me. I still have such strong feelings for him Ive really never been this miserable before in my life. I wouldnt wish this whole experience on my worst enemy. it's completely consumed me, and ive got nowhere to go to get away from them I just posted a thread, I think it might be able to help you. Check it out Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 thank you so much for replying. I want to fight it, it just feels like everytime i feel good about myself again, something happens and it knocks me back The whole thing is really wearing me down. I cant keep dragging myself in to face them again and again. im exhausted. Kilty, if you read this, i dont know where you're getting the strength, because mine is DEFINITELY fading! Dont get me wrong Gisele - i still have bad days too and the strength is sometimes a front. I can remember being how you are now and it wasnt all that long ago. And i do get set backs often But I dont know whether it's because it's been a year since the fall out. I dont know whether it's because i have had a front row view of her life with no escape since the break up. I dont know whether it's because if have had blow after blow from hearing they were an item, hearing they were going on holiday, hearing them announcing engagement when they came back, hearing they are getting married in August and honeymoon trip booked - all within 6 months of our split. I dont know if it's being in close proximity to the fiance and seeing him every day and realising how ludicrous the situation is. Maybe its a combination of them all - but as i said some time ago - as human beings you can get used to something after a while no matter how crap it is and you do become sort of immune. I dont know how i am going to react in August. I dont know whether to take some time off as i dont want to be in work when they have celebrations on old baldy's group giving him the wedding send off - im trying not to think about it. Maybe it's because i finally realised i couldnt take her back. That in itself is ludicrous as she has made it clear with everything she has done that she doesnt want to come back lol. But i did delude myself for ages that it was just a rebound and that she was angry and had hurt pride - and that she would tell me she had made a mistake - God how silly was i And i also poured my soul out to that girl and it meant nothing - so why would i want to be with someone with whom that means so little. Dont get me wrong - i deserve all i get as it was more my fault than hers for the breakdown in the relationship - but there was never anyone else and i never mistreated her apart from the old favourites like being a little insensitive and taking her for granted a wee bit. You just have to hold on Gisele and see where you are in a couple of weeks. If no better then you maybe have to talk to a professional. I dont know if posting on here is helping you at the moment. It is good for us venting but if you are talking about him/her all the time then you are not going to get him out your system anytime soon But i do sympathise - i may be a wee bit older than you but ive went through everything you have - our situations are quite similar. But by all means keep venting if it helps you - i'll always try and reply x Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 thank you so much for replying. I want to fight it, it just feels like everytime i feel good about myself again, something happens and it knocks me back The whole thing is really wearing me down. I cant keep dragging myself in to face them again and again. im exhausted. Kilty, if you read this, i dont know where you're getting the strength, because mine is DEFINITELY fading! Ive tried channeling my frustration. Im a dancer, and i just forced myself to push myself more, faster, more focused. The effects were good, but temporary. Lasted until i faced them again. That comment about them being at it like rabbits has really affected me. I still have such strong feelings for him Ive really never been this miserable before in my life. I wouldnt wish this whole experience on my worst enemy. it's completely consumed me, and ive got nowhere to go to get away from them Rabbits have a short lifespan. They live fast, die fast. Keep in mind why you broke up with him. Because he was treating YOU poory. It really doesn't matter how well he treats his new girlfriend. It matters how he treated you. And it's not a reflection on you how he treated you, but on him. I still think it might help with your anxiety and depression to learn some mindfulness meditation. It helps refocus your lense on reality and what's important at the moment and cut out the garbage. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Forget what i said ! She was at the bank at the front door of the work before going out the door as i left this afternoon. She seen me coming down the corridor. I really dont know how to decribe her facial expression at seeing me - but it was clearly unhappy. I realise this is more to do with not wanting sight of me rather than missing me - it was that kind of look i guess. I really want to email her and ask her if there is any need now for this animosity/ignoring each other but i wouldnt know where to start and it would come across as weak - so i wont be doing it But still Sigh Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Forget what i said ! She was at the bank at the front door of the work before going out the door as i left this afternoon. She seen me coming down the corridor. I really dont know how to decribe her facial expression at seeing me - but it was clearly unhappy. I realise this is more to do with not wanting sight of me rather than missing me - it was that kind of look i guess. I really want to email her and ask her if there is any need now for this animosity/ignoring each other but i wouldnt know where to start and it would come across as weak - so i wont be doing it But still Sigh I think sending an email would be like picking at a wound to see if it still bleeds. From your description of her reaction to seeing you, it sounds like she's annoyed by your very existance. I'm not saying that it's deserved annoyance, but I think she doesn't want to be reminded of what happened between you two, regardless of who caused it. That being said, you can't help yourself from existing. And sometimes you can't even help existing in the same place at the same time. So if you just happen to run into her but aren't doing anything to specifically bother her, then her annoyance is her own problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Yeah - Thanks Ajax I have nothing left to say to her anyway and id only probably end up saying something that id regret later like what she has did so quickly and with whom. And the last thing i want to be is mean to her - totally pointless Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Yes Kilty, please do NOT contact her! I think in both our cases, we've said all we've had to say. Even 'peace' attempts on our part for the sake of tackling animosity will be read as "why are they contacting me again?? Do they ever stop thinking about it?" Well no...but they sure as hell shouldn't have that ego boost! Whatever expression she pulls, your presence still gets a reaction out of her. I think the best we can hope for in terms of US, is feeling indifferent when we see them: we dont need to be pulling faces. Guys, i had another nightmare and im absolutely terrified he's going to tell her i admitted feelings. I dont see why he'd be that cruel, or what it'd achieve (particularly as he made ME promise not to repeat some inappropriate things he said to me sex-wise and i still have evidence!), but im panicking about it Big time. Im still NC and i know that sticking to it, and literally DODGING them when they happen to be close, is the best i can do right now in terms of both my conscience and not causing further conversations like that But im still so scared that one day he will. I mean, what could i do to defend myself?? I still told a taken guy that i was interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 (edited) I think you will be ok on that score. Lets think about it rationally - i know we both find it difficult lol However - What benefit would he get out of telling her you told him this ? The main reason he would not is that it could put his relationship with her in jeopardy - think about it. Imagine that you were with a boyfriend and he told you that an ex had told him she still loved him - how would that make you feel ? Your first instinct would be complete insecurity that he is not over the ex. Thats why he wont do it . And even if there was a million to one shot that he stupidly did - what difference does it make ? It was how you felt at a certain moment in time - and now you dont. Never apologise for your emotions - you are apologising for being real. And dont be embarrassed about it - i sent a 10 page letter lol I doubt she would have shown baldy that either for the same reasons. When folk jump from one relationship to the next quickly they will never tell much about the one they have just been in - at most if questioned they will simply say it didnt work out. And who would ask their partner about previous relationships ? Dont worry about it x Edited May 31, 2011 by Kilty Link to post Share on other sites
Rory12345 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Good luck for this evening. It will be brilliant. Regards, Rory Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gisele Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks Rory, really appreciate it am not feeling good about tonight AT ALL Terrified ill put this much effort into it, then end up seeing something upsetting like them groping each other, or chatting up all my close friends who are none the wiser I plan to just look my best and stick close to the friends who care about me Still....am dreading it. Absolutely dreading it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Gisele honey - you are dreading it because you are going about this the wrong way Yes i know it could be awkward but still - You are going out for YOU YOU are going out to have a good time Whatever THEY do is of no interest to YOU - just try your best to be oblivious and concentrate on YOU. What if YOU go there to have a good time and meet someone completely new that YOU like and who likes YOU Thats what you should be focusing on YOU having a good time It wont get any harder than tonight - just hold onto that If you can get through this, have fun and have a good time then you are well on your way to the rest of your life YOU are expecting him to be groping her, giving her attention etc - so if it happens you are not going to be shocked right ? YOU are ready for that and if it happens you aint gonna be surprised. See through it and concentrate on your own night and what YOU do x Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Good luck tonight, Gisele. Have fun and don't get too worried about the ex and company. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Is no news good news? Link to post Share on other sites
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