FolderWife Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Ok, I am HAPPILY married, and have been for one year. There are two men around my age that I work with. One is happily married, and the other is in a relationship. I try to avoid them as much as possible, because I don't want to be attracted to them. Well, every time I talk to them, I get akward and silly! I feel like a stupid person every time I try to have any kind of conversation with them...even if we are discussing work related topics. Yes, these men are good looking, and they have qualities besides their looks that I would be attracted to if I were not married, but I don't really feel attracted to them per say, I just know that I COULD be attracted to them if I were single. Why on earth am I such an idiot around them....I get so uncomfortable when they are around, that I act so stupid, that I'm afraid they'll get the impression that I'm FLIRTING with them but I'm not! I just feel so uncomfortable Help me to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Many on this site would tell you to avoid them, that an emotional affair is imminent. However, they are all off looking at porn at the moment (!). My solution is to flirt with them in a harmless way. It stops the awkwardness, and if you're committed to your husband you'll keep it within appropriate boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Maybe the uncomfortable feeling is coming from 'guilt'. You are married, yet find other men attractive. Just because you got married doesn't mean you went BLIND! LOL! No one knows the thoughts of your brain but you. Don't feel uncomfortable with it as long as it doesn't injure your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 i would feel all retarded around hot coworkers too...the things that helped me were time-i got used to them, and trying to see them as regular people that you have to see everyday, so do not do try and act all cute but be who you are...unless you are all cute..just try to be yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author FolderWife Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 he he...guilt...hmmmmm What both of you said makes a lot of sense. I don't want to flirt, because with these two, I don't WANT to flirt with them. I know that being married doesn't mean I go blind I find a lot of guys as hot still It's just....I don't actually TALK to them, or spend time with them....hmmmm I guess harmless flirting would be the best way to ward off the awkwardness. I know I'm human, and I know that I'm naturally going to be attracted to men besides my husband (although he is TONS better in every way than any man I'm attracted to ) I just don't want to be I do feel guilty about being attracted to other people. I feel like it's ok to fantasize about Enrique, because he's not real. I've never met him, I've never talked to him, so I can look at his picture and think things all I want...but to have people that I can reach out and TOUCH in my head is something that I don't like one bit. Admittedly, I am attracted to the married one, because he is so sweet and nice to his wife She is so clumsy and dumb, but he loves her any way. I'm clumsy and dumb, but my husband calls me on it I wish I could be clumsy and dumb, and have a husband that laughs with me at my sillyness, instead of trying to make my unclumsy.... So that makes me uncomfortable too. I don't like being attracted to this guy because he has something that my husband doesn't. If he had gorgeous blue eyes that I loved, then that would be ok, because my husband has gorgeous blue eyes that I love The thing I'm attracted to is that this guy is sweet and caring and loving in spite of her faults, and I sometimes feel that my husband is not. Now that I'm talking about this...I just remembered that I'm attracted to my best friend's husband in a similar way. To watch his face full of love when she's around just warms my heart. My husband lights up like that sometimes, but sometimes it gets dark with disappointment, and I hate that. My best friend's husband is never disappointed in her. He loves her faults as well as her good parts. Well...poo...maybe I'm not as happy as I thought. The reason I'm attracted to these men, is because I see them as loving unconditionally, and I want that. Of course...the cute one who's just in a relationship I know nothing about...he's just always greasy and smelly from washing cars, and considering how cute he is....my attraction to him is purely physical I sure do get silly when he's around Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 it seems you are atracted to the attention you get and also to how capabilities of how these men love. it is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FolderWife Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 you are atracted to the attention you get They don't give me any attention. Just when they talk to me about work, or in the married one's case, his wife and married life, I get silly. Fortunately, the married one has played off my sillyness by acting silly right along. Example: One time, he said that the boss just left, so I looked at the door and waved (not something I usually do...it happened before I stopped myself) Then he looked at the door and waved too...which made me feel less stupid. The cute one that's not married was just in my office (I rarely see or talk to him) and I couldn't stop talking in this silly babyish voice that I hate! It's like I get soo sooo soooo stupid! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 The problem with harmless female flirting is many guys take it as an admission of wanting to have sex with them. You can never tell what the guy is assuming until it's too late. Tread carefully....... Link to post Share on other sites
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