Sleeping Easier

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Hey all. I haven't been on here much lately. I'd just like to give a quick update:

 

I'm doing a lot better now. My ex broke up with me over a year ago now, and I've been NC for just over a year. Only a month or two separates the break up from the NC. I had a really rough time for several months. I drank obsessively. To the extent I ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning and had a stern doctor warn me of the danger I was putting my health in. I got myself together, got back into Uni work and started dating again. There were slip ups (most of the girls I dated I was, as confirmed by them, a cold b*stard; at one point I realised my ex's apartment that she was in when we dated was up for rent and I had considered taking it; not to mention a few times I very nearly broke NC) but I'm now dating someone really great. I'm enjoying Uni and I have a very enjoyable summer ahead of me as a good few plans have been made.

 

I know I'll relapse again at some point. Everyone does. I've learned that this isn't a temporary affliction that may go away with time, it is an experience that will live with me for the rest of my life, as it will for each of us in turn. How we learn from our loss, our grieving, is up to us. What we can take away from that pain, that tremendous emotional experience is never ending! We can learn so much! I am continuing to learn every day and I'm over the worst of my break up. The self-destructive attitude, the unbearable longing. Now, I have memories, the knowledge of a happy time, even if an unhappy one proceeded it. And that's no bad thing. Now I am happy again, my life as I want it to be is back on track, even if it has to be without her. I am perhaps all the richer for it. My grandmother always used to say "What's for you will not go by you" and I think to myself maybe this was always the way it was meant to be. I was always meant to learn from this and move on to other things. I feel now like I don't regret her, or what I had with her. Rather I'm glad for the experience I went through, because I'm stronger now. I know I am because I've been told this last year has seen a change in me and it's for the better.

 

So thanks to LS for providing a great way to vent, and for giving me some invaluable advice over the last year. For my part, I will try to get on this site as much as I can so I can impart advice to others going through what I went through.

 

For those reading this who are currently suffering through what I did. Hold on, it will get better. Just let yourself learn from it

[brokendreamz]

Hi Mate.

 

Good post - how long were the two of you together for and are you in 'Love' with your current girl??

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Hi Mate.

 

Good post - how long were the two of you together for and are you in 'Love' with your current girl??

 

We didn't date for very long. It was one of those "best friends for so long" type situations. I dunno how long it'd take but you could find the whole story on LS somewhere lol.

 

Basically we were best friends (very, very close) for 3 years or so, this whole time I was secretly madly in love with her, then we started dating after this crazy night where we kissed. I swear, it was like somethin from a film. Anyways, it went sour very fast. I think she got bored and we had an argument one night (our first real one) and I was told to pack my bags the next morning. We had been dating a matter of months.

 

As for the new girl...I don't know how to articulate it, now. I don't really know what love is, I suppose. This new girl, we're great together. She's very supportive of me and the things I do, she's there for me. She gives me that security, that companionship that I really wanted from my ex. But I'm not madly, crazy, think-about-her-every-single-moment love. Not how I was for my ex. But what I had for my ex didn't work. I was too in love, too over zealous. On looking back, I think my being too enthusiastic about us probably bored, and annoyed, her. So I prefer the way I am with the new girl. Maybe that's no bad thing.