vabutterfly Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Hello everyone- My husband and I have been married about 2 1/2 years and dated for six years before that. We have no children. My husband is a controlling man who corners me in "discussions" that are extremely heated and last hours. We fight every day, most times twice a day. It started about a year after we were married. Something was missing and I started to feel empty. Call it woman's intuition but something was wrong. We separated in July 2010 and were sleeping in separate bedrooms. One day in October, he left his computer open. I saw emails to three different women over the course of a year and a half. One he ended up meeting with (she was an old high school friend) back in January 2009, 10 weeks we were married. They had been talking since that day and met up in a hotel room in FL in May. The emails they sent back and forth were extremely flirtatious where they talked about what turns the other on, etc. One of the emails talked about their encounter and it really seemed like my husband had second thoughts and left before anything could happen. The other emails consisted of an ex-girlfriend where they would talk about dreams and what turned each other on. This dialogue occurred when we were engaged. When I confronted him on this, we turned it around to be my fault and said that if I paid him more attention, then maybe he wouldn't have done the things he did. I was screamed at for seven straight hours and he threw our wedding picture across the room where it shattered. I honestly think my husband is either bi-polar or just completely controlling and he can't stand rejection. He can be very sweet and he never has to be asked to do anything around the house. Because of the recent events with email, I installed computer monitoring software on our home computer. He has registered on Match.com where he regularly looks at other women's profiles. He also looks at porn to the point that I think he's got a serious problem. I know men are men, but he looks at this for hours each day. I think he's border line addicted to the stuff. I also saw that he was researching brothels in the Vegas area just recently. He had mentioned how he wants to go to Vegas in the next few months. I guess I'm looking for an outsider's perspective. I don't want to go to marriage counseling, I just want to go. I have a very good job and would have no difficulty supporting myself. He just has this way of manipulating me to stay and turning everything around to be my fault. I never thought my life would be like this. It's extremely uncomfortable to be in the same house because I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. If I do laundry instead of watching TV with him (given his mood) I could be in for a long "discussion". Can someone help give me the advise I need? Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Can someone help give me the advise I need? I'm sorry you're in this situation. I vote cut your losses and go. Link to post Share on other sites
Mauschen Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I am very anti-divorce, especially if children are involved, but I ended up divorced anyway. In your situation, there are no children! And your husband has been lying, controlling, and unfaithful to you (yes, being on match is unfaithful and talking to other women about what turns them on is unfaithful). None of his lies and unfaithfulness is your fault. If he needs something from you that you aren't giving, he can tell you instead of lying to you and cheating on you. If he can't have a normal conversation with you, write him a letter. Tell him that you know what he has been up to and that it has to stop. No sane person would have entered a marriage knowing that their husband is doing these things and he knows it. What if you were to do these things? Would he be okay with it? I wouldn't blame you if you left, really. But the grass isn't ALWAYS greener on the other side. You could see if he is willing to work on your marriage first. By the way, "men are men" is not an excuse. My ex is a man and he lied, cheated, and abused me. My current husband is nothing like that even though he is a man. Not all men do the things your husband is doing. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Restwich Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 How often do you have sex? Have you talked about how often you have sex? Are you disinterested in sex in general? Sometimes, one partner feels that sex 1-2 times a year is enough. If the other partner feels that it isn't enough, that can cause stress. Link to post Share on other sites
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