Linda9999 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Another one is looming in June and paperwork with the date on it crossed my desk today and I triggered badly. It's going to be this way till the date (June 12) passes. It's like this every time. Someone tell me it gets better? The first time the date comes round again is the worst right?? What are the dates you have in your brain? Mine are: March 13 June 12 November 6 December 16 Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Aug 28. Our 'wedding anniversary'. Father's Day (heard my first mention of it today and I got so angry I wanted to scream). My birthday There are others, but these are my top 4. I wouldn't know about them being the hardest the first time around since it hasn't happened yet. I have my suspicions though. Hopefully a ray of sunshine can happen into this thread and make us feel better.... Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I remembered the first D Day 'anniversary' and the second, both triggered the hell out of me and I raked over the coals, re asked the same old questions, got the same old answers (lucky for him eh) from H and then one day when I had a reminder of it all I just couldn't be bothered with it, it was so tiring going over and over the same old all the time and achieved absolutely nothing. The day I felt like that was the day I knew I had turned a corner. I acknowledged all my triggers to H, we talked about what I needed to talk about and I got it all out, so did he, which was important as he also needed to explore what it was about him at that time that resulted in the A. It can get better, it never goes away fully and will always be a scar on our old marriage, but you can either choose to rip the scab off and let it all bleed again, or just recognise the scar is part and parcel of it all. I don't recommend putting a band aid over it, that just hides the wound, look at it, head on, recognise it for what it was, acknowledge the hurt and damage and then get on with living in the now. It is dammed hard, but now, TBH it is just another day. I hope everyone in the hurting stage finds peace whatever they choose xx Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I won't post the dates. I want the significance of them to die. Really for me, it's times of the year that get me thinking and remembering. And TBH, references to the year 2008 are a huge trigger for me. Great, I just posted a date of sorts. It does get easier though. With time, perspectives and perceptions change. And hopefully, intervening happy events make new memories. So sure, it still is all back there and was 2.5 years ago for me now. So, I think of all the happy or at least interesting events that have happened to me/us/our family in 2009, 2010 and 2011. Life goes on, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 My dates: December 25th, the first records I found of him cheating went to this date. Good thing I always hated Christmas anyways February 12th, the last DDay March 8th, the day he left to go on a bender last year March 19th, the arrest March 31st, one if our DDays June 13th, my birthday last year where he dumped me August 12th, the first real DDay May 27 & 28 our actual anniversaries, we made love on one last year and then it turned out that he had been cheated before and after that date while we were supposed to be being celibate as part of his sexual addiction treatment At least I still have July. Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 ... Someone tell me it gets better? The first time the date comes round again is the worst right??? It absolutely, positively gets SO much better!! What are the dates you have in your brain? August 23 - This is the date the continues to stick in my brain even after I was married to my ex for over 21 years. That date is the day I discovered my (then) wife's journal laying out on the coffee table. I read it and found out that she was continuing to see the OM and was lying to me. So I went to her and asked her when she last saw him? See lied. I asked if she continues to talk to him? She again lied, so I said, I read your journal, does that change any of your answers? She responded by, "how could you?" Yeah, how indeed, guess I'l just have to live with it... So August 23rd was the day I asked her to leave and I started the divorce shortly there after. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I am divorced now, not quite a year. But our wedding anniversary date was always the hardest for me after discovering his infidelities. It felt like the date I gave it all away, the day I betayed myself by falling hook line and sinker. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 My birthday on Monday. Link to post Share on other sites
TerryW Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Today!!! Two year anniversary of D-day. I guess that's why I'm here. Triggered. It's hard, so very hard. I'm hating people today. Her because she got away with it. It seems like I'm the only one who got hurt. So many feeling today. Mainly sadness.... Link to post Share on other sites
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