I just don't get it

[Dave]

I really don't. How can there be so many stories of people who fell in love and lost that because they were too nice? I read this board because it's interesting, but if most of these stories are actually true, it's rather sad that those things can happen. What is it that causes this? My best guess is that it is human nature to improve oneself, to always get something better. If that is true, then when someone does not show you the attention you crave, I'd guess you try to get attention to them because when you do it's sort of a victory???? And conversly, when someone shows you all the attention you want and then some, you think that there must be something better out there for you because you didn't have to work hard enough for the current attention? Human relations and people can be crazy sometime. I'm going to the gym to workout, maybe I'll check back in tonight and see what anyone has to say then.

[Tony T]

I didn't get it either...for a very long time.

 

Yes, a lot of it is human nature. And human nature is very odd. Now, I can sit and download songs from Napster all day long, freely and with ease. I feel great about being able to get all the music I want at the press of a mouse button. But when it comes to women, when one is too nice too quickly I get turned off...way off. You have no idea the times I sit and think of the very sweet and wonderful women I passed up in the past because they were simply way too nice.

 

It seems men have more of a problem with this. Women too may go for quick music on the Internet, but they don't want their men to come that easily. As I've said, they want mystery and challenge. I don't know if that's an evolutionary thing, an instinctual thing, or maybe it's just human nature to be more attracted to that which is not readily available.

 

As you pointed out, we seem to want to work for our love. We will take millions if we win the lottery and feel GREAT about it. We download free stuff on the Internet and feel GREAT about it. But, we don't want our lovers to come that way. We want to feel there is value their. We want to feel that the person we are going to give our love to didn't just drop in from heaven.

 

When somebody is too nice, our guard goes up. We wonder what their ulterior motives are. Is this person desperate? What does this person want? Am I about to get conned? Why isn't this person a turkey like all the others? We just start asking ourselves a lot of questions.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with human chemistry. There is just no chemistry at all to instant goodness. Now, from time to time in certain cases things do work out OK. But I think when it does, there may be something wrong with both people. For the most part, things are better when love grows slowly. Maybe even some of it has to do with the girl looking for a guy who was like daddy, distant sometimes, away sometimes, loving sometimes, strict sometimes...yeah, maybe that's the key. Daddy was NEVER sweetsie sweetsie all the time to these ladies...well, almost never.

 

You write that human relations and people can be crazy sometimes. I think it's that way most of the time. Going to the gym sounds like a great idea...but I think I'm just going to put a video in my VCR.

[Tony T]

I didn't get it either...for a very long time.

 

Yes, a lot of it is human nature. And human nature is very odd. Now, I can sit and download songs from Napster all day long, freely and with ease. I feel great about being able to get all the music I want at the press of a mouse button. But when it comes to women, when one is too nice too quickly I get turned off...way off. You have no idea the times I sit and think of the very sweet and wonderful women I passed up in the past because they were simply way too nice.

 

It seems men have more of a problem with this. Women too may go for quick music on the Internet, but they don't want their men to come that easily. As I've said, they want mystery and challenge. I don't know if that's an evolutionary thing, an instinctual thing, or maybe it's just human nature to be more attracted to that which is not readily available.

 

As you pointed out, we seem to want to work for our love. We will take millions if we win the lottery and feel GREAT about it. We download free stuff on the Internet and feel GREAT about it. But, we don't want our lovers to come that way. We want to feel there is value their. We want to feel that the person we are going to give our love to didn't just drop in from heaven.

 

When somebody is too nice, our guard goes up. We wonder what their ulterior motives are. Is this person desperate? What does this person want? Am I about to get conned? Why isn't this person a turkey like all the others? We just start asking ourselves a lot of questions.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with human chemistry. There is just no chemistry at all to instant goodness. Now, from time to time in certain cases things do work out OK. But I think when it does, there may be something wrong with both people. For the most part, things are better when love grows slowly. Maybe even some of it has to do with the girl looking for a guy who was like daddy, distant sometimes, away sometimes, loving sometimes, strict sometimes...yeah, maybe that's the key. Daddy was NEVER sweetsie sweetsie all the time to these ladies...well, almost never.

 

You write that human relations and people can be crazy sometimes. I think it's that way most of the time. Going to the gym sounds like a great idea...but I think I'm just going to put a movie in my VCR.

[Tony T]

Sorry about the repeat...but some things are worth repeating.

[Deejette]

It's true what Tony says. I see it happen every day in my life. Recently I was invited to a party by a guy and I when I arrived he had women all over him and he was all over them, so I left as soon as I got there. Up to this point, I had been nothing but sweet and kind to this guy. I even told him that of all the guys I relate to, he was the one I didn't have any troubles with.

 

So when he saw my reaction he called and called to apologize, but I would not answer the phone. So he came over to my house, univited, while I had another man over. I yelled at him, "----, Get the hell off my porch! What are you doing here?," very loudly and meanly. He called me many times in the next days and I decided to go out to dinner with him. He took me to a fancy lobster dinner and has been calling me to talk, etc., ever since. He was intrigued by the fact that A) I was mean to him, and B) that I found another man to take his place so quickly.

 

It's too bad the game is like this but that is the way the game goes.

I really don't. How can there be so many stories of people who fell in love and lost that because they were too nice? I read this board because it's interesting, but if most of these stories are actually true, it's rather sad that those things can happen. What is it that causes this? My best guess is that it is human nature to improve oneself, to always get something better. If that is true, then when someone does not show you the attention you crave, I'd guess you try to get attention to them because when you do it's sort of a victory???? And conversly, when someone shows you all the attention you want and then some, you think that there must be something better out there for you because you didn't have to work hard enough for the current attention? Human relations and people can be crazy sometime. I'm going to the gym to workout, maybe I'll check back in tonight and see what anyone has to say then.