valparaiso2 Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Dear all. I am a male, 25 years old. I had been dating a girl for 1½ years, and broke up with her, which was quite hard for both of us. We began seeing each other again half a year later, and afterwards we began dating again, and have been together for more than a year now. My problem is that I still love her very much, but I fell so overburdened by being in the relationship. I have also been thinking about another girl (but I would never be unfaithfull). I think the bottom line is that I dont believe my present relationship has a future, but I respect her so much and even though I am not a "chicken" in most other areas of life (at least I dont think so) I just have a feeling of beeing "numb" - not able to do anything. I can not break up with her, and I can not stay in the relationship either. For the last many weeks I've just been thinking and thinking, and been postponing the break up week after week. We're both students and in some weeks from now we will both start our exam preparation, as we are both studying hard I have the feeling that I cannot break up with her before the exam, and so this comes up as another deadline, and it's all getting so frustrating. I know the proper advice is that I should break up with her for her's sake too, but still I have a feeling of being numb, and unable to do anything. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have already broken up with her before. Afterall I still like her so much, and I keep saying to myself that I must be absolutely sure before I break up, so I dont make that old mistake about breaking up, then going back again, and it all confuses me, I really have problems knowing what to do. All advice would be very welcome. Thanks alot in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
sassygal Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 This all sounds like something we all have probably gone through a time or twleve. It seems like your very much confused and have been tossing the idea of breaking up around and around in your head. Just be honest with her in whatever you are feeling. I think after a yr and a half you have grown close to her and somewhat comfortable with her. You are however, thinking of another girl. This tells me that your wondering what it would be like to be seeing this other girl instead. Sounds like your dealing with more of a comfortability issue more than anything. I know you don't want to hurt your girl friends feelings, but if you truly don't want to be in the relationship it doesn't do any good to drag it out! Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 What makes you feel overburden in the relationship? Is it the exclusivity or committment you're not ready for? Link to post Share on other sites
JT Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 I've been through a similar situation. Its kind of weird how it works. I finally cut things off with her about 1 week ago.. and said things I now regret. During my two year relationship with her I had mixed feelings... I would love her, then hate her for the way she was.. I was so indecisive.. I could not marry her the way she was. After I cut things off with her I am starting to have my doubts about doing the right thing.. so I know where your comign from when you say what you say. I think its an attachment thing. Anyways, my advice is to always leave your options open and don't say anything you don't really mean. I have nothing to go on but the mere saying that "if its meant to be then it will work out" That is all I have to go on at this point. I must find myself.. become independent once again to be able to analyze the relationship from an objective point of view. I suggest despite how hard this is.. that you try to do something similar.. but.. do not do what I did and burn the bridge after you have crossed over. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Based on my past relationship experiences, you need to be upfront and honest with her. Yeah....it's hard and it hurts. But it needs to be done. From a woman's viewpoint, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who has doubts about me, and the relationship. My ex didn't extend the courtesy of telling me that he wanted to reconcile with his other ex and their 2 children. I had to find out from other people and that made the whole break-up worse. Now I see him as someone who is a cheat and a liar. So my advice would to approach this in a mature manner. Tell her what you think and how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
iceprincess Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 You say that you like her soooo much, but I think that you are not "in love" with her anymore. If you're already have doubts about your future with her, then I suggest tell her soon. She's going to be angry, sad, confused....but you need to tell her that if you don't break up this relationship, then she's never going to have a man who's fully content to be with her. I'm sure you love her very much....so if you really do, then you should tell her. You owe her that much and it'll be a stress-reliever for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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