kris-26 Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 So I have been straight NC for alittle over two months now. It was a very unhealthy relationship and my ex had severe emotional issues, so obv was best and only move to go NC. we had been broken up for about 6mths before we started NC. So i dont know I was doing really good the last few weeks, went from thinking about stuff all the time, to days where I didnt think about him at all! But in the last week or so all the emotions seem to be coming back. partly b/c I got wind he might be seeing someone new. I know in my head anyone he dates, he will never change and is incapable of having a normal healthy relationship. But the other part of it is, as i know i would not respond I was surprised that he has not contacted me at all in the past two mths. I know the reason I wanted him to was for the wrong type of validation that he still cared but it really doesnt matter if he cares or not tbh. I have had thoughts, should I call or text him and have not. b/c in reality there isnt anything to say. Were broken up and moving on. but our relationship we both loved eachother more than we have ever loved anyone. I know he is emotionally cut off so this is prob easier for him to move on, as i am healing the healthy way. My question is ...anyone else making it through NC?? How do you stop yourself from remembering stuff? Like I keep thinking back, this time last year we were going to a baseball game or smth like that. He treated me very badly in some of the things he had done, I feel like something is wrong w me. B/c someone who cheated or lied to me, I shouldnt be remembering anything good we did together, I should be mad!! Could really use so advice so I can keep going strong to move on and find the right person for me!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kris-26 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 anyone who has been thru NC and survived?? How long does it really take to feel better? Not wonder what they are doing? most importantly not care?? Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) The time it takes people to heal is diffrent for everyone but most of all it depends on what you do for yourself. Unfortuantly its not somthing that you just wake up one day and everything is better its a slow process.. I did NC for a while and had to start talkin to my ex because of finacial stuff. We have a son together.. Its been 6 months and I think about him less and less but I still have memories of good times because you loved him your brain will always revert to the good things because thats what you miss about him,even though he hurt you. I can tell you though once you get to a point of not caring you will still probably remember good times together but it won't hurt or make you sad to think of them you can just smile on it as a good memory. 6 months for me and I still have bad moments every once in a while bad days. The best thing you can do to move on is throw yourself into new things. I was a homemaker for 11 yrs so I am now getting a job even though I graduated in 08.. I also volunteer at a hospital and spend time with my kids. Whatever you can do to take your mind off things is best.. There is no exact caculation for healing for coming out of depression or for completley moving on. You just have to do your best to do what you know is best for you. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself and distract yourself.. Edited May 19, 2011 by Jdw_Icequeen Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 anyone who has been thru NC and survived?? How long does it really take to feel better? Not wonder what they are doing? most importantly not care?? I have been over 6 months NC and it does get better. You need to just take the focus off of him and put it on yourself. I went from being mad, totally pissed, tearful, resentful, guilty, blaming myself, but ultimately realized he is the one that quit me and this is not my fault. Being angry always helped me stay NC in the beginning, especially when I told him to stop contacting me and he didn't give a **** enough about me to respect my wishes. I read a ton of books and just kept focusing on me. I needed this not to happen to me EVER again, and I am still learning how to make that happen. Work in progress, I wish you the best, you will get through this and be better for it. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 anyone who has been thru NC and survived?? How long does it really take to feel better? Not wonder what they are doing? most importantly not care?? I have been NC with my ex that "brought" me to LS for 3 years. I have no plans of breaking it. I'm on NC with my most recent ex. I have not contacted him either because of my past experience with it. I know I can do NC and not cave. With this ex, I stopped caring about a month ago, though I still think about him a lot. Thoughts of him don't bother me now. I used to fight those thoughts and doing that worked for me in that I became accepting of them in the process. I wish I can explain better. Everyone has different NC phases and when you're feeling bad because your memories and thoughts of your ex are making you miss him so much, I want to assure you that these hard parts will be gone but only if you face them. Get through them, cry your tears, vent to your friends, rage, rage, and you'll find yourself unburdened by them soon enough. Don't shy away from the tough parts because usually, the ones who do have a more difficult time letting go because they never allowed themselves to confront the bad parts. They were either "too painful" or it was "too hard." Link to post Share on other sites
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