Why did my husband do this to me??

[Confused & Hurt]

I am so hurt and confused and I don't know what to do, where to turn to.

 

Last June, my husband came to me to tell me something that would break anyones heart. There has been suspicions going through everyones mind, but no proof to say it was true. What I am going through is tough and it would be tough for anyone.

 

To make a long story somewhat short, my husband couldn't hold it in anymore, so he took me in the living room to talk. All of a sudden, the truth spilled out. My husband confessed in cheating on me, not with just anyone, but with my 18 year old niece.

 

I don't know how to handle this situation. We are going to be getting a divorce. We have 3 young boys and I don't know how I am suppose to explain things to them or even how am I suppose to be sane, not just for them but for me. My husband tells me he is very much in love with her, but I don't know why. She's not responsible and she doesn't take things serious.

 

One of my problems is, is why do I have a hard time letting go, when I know its the best thing to do? He says he is madly in love with her, and I need to move on and be happy and not be hurt. I am also to the point that I don't want anything to do with my niece anymore.

 

I tend to blame myself for all of this happening. I know its not my fault and nothing that I could've done would've stopped this from happening.

I was hoping that maybe someone out there has been in a similar situation, and how did they deal with it and move on? Is it me?

[marriagesucks]

none of this is your fault. if i were in your situation i would leave my husband. your husband is being very honest with you. i know it hurts, by you moving on, you will be letting go. in my opinion, i would nt want anything to do with my husband after i divorced him. but being that you two have children together, i dont think advoiding each other is possible. i wish you the best in your recovery. i really do hope you find someone who wont ever hurt you like that again.

[spencer]

i would bet that after the divorce give him six months with her and he will coming running back to you. it wouldnt be such a horror if he was say 24 or 26, but i gather from your 3 boys that your probably older. no man with any maturity could be happy with an 18 year old, for long.

 

no offence to any 18 y/o's, older husbands and 18 y/o's should have differents expectations about a long term relationship.

 

I dont know why this relationship is happening, but its ugly. good for you to move on.

[YellowButterflies]

What about your neice in all of this - can she not see that she's wrecking your marriage? Of course she's too young to realize this now - and you gotta step back and ask yourself who your husband thinks he's kidding...your neice is not going to stick around long.

 

This is just a sex thing - your husband THINKS he's madly in love but your neice isn't going to dedicate her life to him when he's got three boys and YOU involved. Does she think that will all go away if he leaves you for her?

 

This fling between the two of them won't last - it will fizzle and then man are there gonna be some raw feelings between all of you.

 

I am just so sorry you and your boys are being put thru this. Focus on your boys and what is best for them.

[DayumQuitPlayin]

Dayum.. so sorry ta hear this. I for one hate cheaters... i jus really do.. because u think ur with someone.. you give your heart and soul.. and then you come to find that he/she has been sharing with others.. when its supposed to just be between us.. I feel you.

 

Its one of those things that can really affect you.. I kno you're really hurt about this. But like wut those otha ppl said.. u must go on. Yea it would b best that you leave him.. but not leave him out of her life..for ur kids sake. I just can't believe how your neice would have allowed that to happen between them. Its just so wrong. She has basically wrecked ur family life.. it may not have been intentional.. but she still allowed it.. and if she didnt want it to happen.. she could have atleast told you about it.

 

Like I said b4.. I'm sorry that this has happened to you.. and its going to be something that will take alot of time to heal.. but I kno you can do it. If you have strong will-power. You still have your children to love and care for. Who knows.. mayb sum tyme down tha road.. u might bump into a perfect gentleman... and mayb u'll see sum sparks fly

 

I wish the best for you and you children

[supermom]

I totally feel for you. and also, how is she your niece? your blood, or his blood? Thats sick that her uncle becomes her bf?

 

I also know the pain you feel. My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old (he was 28 at the time, I was preg at the time) and I remember feeling not only hurt but sickened by his actions. It was bad enough that he cheated on me, but when it's with someone who is not even an adult - and you are - omg I felt soooo sick.

 

I did end up staying with him ONLY because there was no intercourse involved. We have really had to work on our marriage because I am still in the feeling that he is not the same man I married.

 

This happened two years ago, but I just found out in Feb so I'm still hurting too.

 

I can't belive that your neice would do that to you. How does her mother feel about this?

 

And even when they break up, and he tries to get back together with you, how is that going to go over with the family? It seems as if it would change things for every body.

 

And your poor kids, isn't this girl their cousin?

 

I really hope you are okay. Let us know please!

 

Good luck

[DayumQuitPlayin]

Originally posted by supermom

I really hope you are okay. Let us know please!

 

Good luck

 

 

Please do Let us Know

[Confused & Hurt]

I just want to thank everyone for their imput on this situation. How am I doing seems to be everyones question? All I can say is I am hanging in there, and there are times when I don't know which end is up and which end is down.

 

My soon to be x-husband, is still obsessed with my niece (and this is my brothers daughter). I am giving up on him. I don't ever want to take him back and if it weren't for my children, I would have him out of my life for good. He tells me he doesn't want to give up on our marriage, well I am giving up. I am going to go through with this divorce.

 

He also tells me he wants me to get along with my niece. I am sorry but I can't seem to be able to ever get along with her again. I don't want to sound heartless, but I don't even think of her as my niece anymore.

 

When he told me about his so called new lover, I was severely heart-broken, to where I couldn't see myself moving on. Needless to say, I have a lot of friends that are helping me get through with this. Alot of my friends are also saying that it is time that I leave him, he didn't always treat me the right way. Anyways, as he pushed me away constantly, I had turned to someone else who is a male friend and thats what we are is just two good friends who are going through tough times. He has been hurt by his ex, and I am being hurt by my own husband for my niece. Anyways, after being hurt by him so much, I have been turning to my friend and helping him with his problem and he is helping me with my problem. I am starting to feel something for him, but also afraid to be able to trust another guy. How to I move on from that? But then also, how to I move on, knowing my husband wants to be with my niece and throw away a 12yr relationship? But as of taking him back, I honestly don't think I can ever do that. He's had intercourse with my niece, he goes out of his way for her, and just the fact that he cheated on me with my own niece is unforgivable.

 

I know she will hurt him one way or another, and I already told him, when that happens don't come crying to me. I have to move on, one way or another and it is a hard obstacle to jump over, its like trying to get a horse go through water. I refuse to get hurt by him again. When he tells me he is over her, a couple of days he is right back to her. I can't live like that, not for me or my kids.

 

What is the next step? Do I let my feelings grow for this other person? I ask myself the other question, do I really want this divorce, and yes, yes I do!!

[tiki]

I would *not* in any way, shape, size form or fashion continue on with this extramarital affair. The marriage is yet to be over and I can guarantee that any type of gratification that is received (from said relationship) is only temporary. You can't fight fire with fire and for you to stoop to his level, well to be frank, it kinda makes it hard to condemn him for runnin' around when you've gotta get your own head straight. Your children deserve a focused mom, especially when their dad has his head up his ass. It's your place to now stand up and be the adult. And like another poster stated, he will come running back. Usually within 6-9 months and that's for YOU to decide if it's forgivable in your eyes. What makes ya think some teenager is gonna put up with a fellow that has cheated on his wife, has three children that he's obligated to, will pay major child support and his considered 'old' to her. As I was once asked by someone, "Why want a prune when you can have a grape?" She'll get tired of his crap quick. He'll then be lost, used, and torn. He'll crawl back.

 

I feel your pain and see that what is happening is despicable. All I can say is that when the karma train makes its way around that corner, that mofo's gonna be layin the TRACKS. Good luck to ya.

[brashgal]

You are in a pretty emotional state right now even though you have made up your mind to leave. Step back, stay friendly with this other guy but keep your distance for a little while, at least until you are divorced and doing well on your own - by yourself. If he's really worth it, he'll be there when you are over your husband and your head is in the right place for a relationship.

 

My best wishes - this is a tough thing to go through, especially since he cheated with your relative.

[Confused & Hurt]

I just wanted to say, Yes, I am going to take it slow. I am not going to be like him, and like I had mentioned he is there for me as a friend right now and that is it. My main goal is to get the divorce finaled. As for me being strong. I myself think I am doing pretty good to a point.

 

As for taking my cheating husband back, there is no way. Once a cheater always a cheater, and once a heart breaker, always will be one. I told him, I never cheated on him, and if he really loved me like he said he did, he would've never cheated on me, especially with my niece. That just makes me sick.

 

I just don't know why he turned to her.

[SilverWing]

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I wished there were somthing I could say to you, to help heal your heart. All I can say is that you can not control his actions and even though he has done you wrong it may have been for the best. If you say he has never really treated you well in the first place.

 

Any man that has his head straight on him knows better not to go for a little girl. So like I said this may be the best thing in the long run for you. Who knows what other sick things he may do or has done.

 

This obstacle will not hurt you, it will make you stronger and use better judgement. Take the time for yourself and your children and be you for a while. Make youself happy for once. You do not need another person around to make you happy.

 

Just remember this is not your fault !!! You do not need someone in your life that is going to hurt you. I do not care what he says, but he does not care for you a whole lot or he would not have done something so supid. You deserve much better than this in life.