curiousnycgirl Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 We basically had no contact from September and then sort of saw each other at a memorial service on April 16th. I knew he would be there and can assure you I had plenty of panic attacks over the very thought of seeing him, but felt I needed to attend. I executed my plan almost flawlessly, I am always early and I know he is always last minute. I paid my respects to the family before the service and slipped out immediately afterwards to quietly head home and leave the repast for him. Unfortunately he texted me as I drove home crying my eyes out (just at having seen him) asking if I really planned to leave without saying hello (um,....yeah that was the plan!). Then when I didn't answer the text he called and it turned into him yelling at me that I had "flawed data just like back in September..." which I ended by saying I didn't want to fight and that he should go back into the repast to take care and I hung up. I got home, cried some more and then did the only mature thing - got stinking drunk and then walked my dog in the rain for about 7.5 hours until I was sober. The next day I sent him an email wanting to understand why he felt the need to lie to me at this point and asking him to please explain why he had never corrected me, if my data was flawed, despite all the times I had asked him. He never responded. I followed up again yesterday because the one point I have never been able to get past is why he never just told me the truth. Since seeing him last month I am probably 10 steps backwards in my attempts at getting over him (not that I ever thought I would). But I guess i'll never get an answer and I need to figure out how to live with that, the question is HOW?! And how do I learn to stop thinking about him? TIA Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 My advice is to just keep yourself busy. It can be hard and tiring to keep yourself as busy as you need to be but I always find that I think about my ex less when I have to fully concentrate on something else. You also need to work out when you think about him most and tailor what you do to suit that. I think about the ex most in the evenings so, I try to make sure I'm busy in the evenings. I've even bought myself a games console to play on when my friends aren't around. I'm concentrating on playing so much I think about her less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 Thanks Renard99 I am - I have been. I've been walking my dog 4 miles a day during the week and 10 on weekends, I bought an elliptical machine for when the dog is sleeping and/or it's raining and I'm back to riding my horse. Intellectually I am very aware of the fact that he really never gave a crap and is very selfish - but emotionally I am just so stuck. These are the reasons why I just know I am damaged goods. I guess I'm not only hoping to get over him, I'l hoping to get past wanting anyone. I just need to become a jewish nun! Link to post Share on other sites
happiness0421 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Ugh, Curious - that is rough. I know the feeling somewhat; my dog is really lucking out from this breakup because he gets a LOT more exercise now!! :laugh: I don't know how people that live with/work with their exes get through breakups. I've been NC for one month and even though we live in different towns, I worry about running into him all the time when I am out, etc. We work in the same profession and I have to go to his building for a work event next week. I know the chances of running into him are slim, but I can still feel the anxiety building. Just knowing that I have to be around/go into his workplace bothers the crap out of me. How did your ex break up with you? Sounds like he doesn't have any balls, since he had the nerve to text you and yell at you after your encounter. Very mature. Just keep your head up and tell yourself that you're worth more than someone like that. I know it's hard, because I'm doing the same thing, but hopefully it'll pay off at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Gazoo Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 I got home, cried some more and then did the only mature thing - got stinking drunk and then walked my dog in the rain for about 7.5 hours until I was sober. TIA Funneeee Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Funneeee so glad I can be the source of your amusement. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 then did the only mature thing I must admit, cnyg, I thought you were trying to be funny with that bit. x Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Gazoo Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 so glad I can be the source of your amusement. Sorry. No offence meant Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Actually I was trying to be funny - it's my fault that I sounded bitter - I tried to tone it down originally I had typed at the end of my response "you little blue man" but thought that sounded worse - truth is I AM glad to be amusing to others - if you aren't laughing you are crying and sometimes you are doing both. Unbelievably my ex responded this monring right before I typed my response, so unfortunately I came out harshly to you when I didn't mean to. Needless to say his 1.5 line response to my email was a bit mean and basically he refused to answer my question (yet again) unless it was either on the phone or in person. Since I'm unlikely to see him again, I called - he didn't pick up (no suprise there) - and I'm left wondering if he'll ever call back. Controlling, nasty and mean to me right through the end. UGH! Link to post Share on other sites
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