whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Quick update folks. Thank you for all the concern. I did read the letter, probably stupidly as it was about of apologizing and wanting to make things right on her end. Half of me wants to try but the other half knows its now a lost cause. It really it. I do plan on going forward with a divorce. There was some other drama but I wont get into to it right now. Once again thank you for the concern and support. Don't disappear, come back and post as you will some guidence and help during this process of ending your marriage. Nah, it wasn't stupid, I think everyone knew you would read it, understandably. Of course there's a part of you that wants to try to salvage things, she's your wife and the woman you planned on being with for the rest of your life! But, her actions and behaviour show that she isn't going to change. That letter was written out of emotion and desparation, she would have said anything.. Words vs actions.. So far, she's just saying words. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Question: In the letter, does she fully admit to the affair and take full responsibility for cheating, and apologize for that? Or, is she sorry she hurt you, etc., but not taking full responsibility and admitting what she did? Doesn't even matter what the lady wrote because we all know it's full of crap. Just some sick feeble attempt to manipulate him into staying. Link to post Share on other sites
dyiosah23 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Half of me wants to try but the other half knows its now a lost cause. It really it. I do plan on going forward with a divorce. I think you two should talk before going to divorce, yes we know that she made the biggest mistake here, but don't you think you have to hear her side first? You can proceed with the divorce but I deeply suggest that you have a one on one talk with her. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I think you two should talk before going to divorce, I agree they should talk about the legalities and finances to make sure she won't try to screw him over out of the blue. yes we know that she made the biggest mistake here, No it was not a mistake. That's what everyone needs to recognize. but don't you think you have to hear her side first? You can proceed with the divorce but I deeply suggest that you have a one on one talk with her. What does he need to talk to her about that for? So she can have another chance to try and justify her tearing up the marriage? So she can disrespect him even more? There's nothing else to talk about. No more to be said. She did what she wanted to do now it's his chance to do what he needs to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I think you two should talk before going to divorce, yes we know that she made the biggest mistake here, but don't you think you have to hear her side first? You can proceed with the divorce but I deeply suggest that you have a one on one talk with her. A mistake is when I make a typo on a letter or forget to meet someone when I agreed to be there. You don't make a mistake when you plot, plan and actively deceive your husband by sleeping multiple times with another man and then joke and minimize your husband's sexual abilities. That is not a mistake. It's cheating. She didn't make any mistakes here. This husband made a mistake marrying her. What's there to hear? "Oh I'm sorry I just accidentally fell on this guy's dick and had sex with him without even realizing it. It was a mistake. I love you and I didn't mean for it to happen." Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I think you two should talk before going to divorce, yes we know that she made the biggest mistake here, but don't you think you have to hear her side first? You can proceed with the divorce but I deeply suggest that you have a one on one talk with her. There is a difference between being forgiving and being hopelessly naive. I must OP, you're doing really well. Just look after yourself for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedinDenver Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Well I cannot sleep tonight. Have not slept much any night lately. We have since had a talk in person and had a hashing out of shorts but regardless of all she says I dont think anything can save out marriage. I can never look at her the same and can never trust her again. Divorce proceeding are at an early stage and will obviously take awhile but it is the inevitable. Its been a bad couple of weeks but it is only up from here I hope. Thanks for all the concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I hope you start feeling better soon. Hang in there. This is probably the worst of it and as you move forward from a clean break, you'll find joy in things again. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Well I cannot sleep tonight. Have not slept much any night lately. We have since had a talk in person and had a hashing out of shorts but regardless of all she says I dont think anything can save out marriage. I can never look at her the same and can never trust her again. Divorce proceeding are at an early stage and will obviously take awhile but it is the inevitable. Its been a bad couple of weeks but it is only up from here I hope. Thanks for all the concern. Right now she's in a total fog and is in desparation mode. She has NO CLUE the damage she's caused..One day, down the road when you two are divorced and you've moved on she WILL have many regrets. Tough sh.it though on her. I am sorry that you're hurting so much.. Cliche here, but time heals most wounds. Don't be afraid to ask for help, ask for support from friends and family and also seek counsellin to help you deal with this stuff. Join a gym that way you get physically exhausted and it may help you go to sleep at night. Possibly talk to your Dr about sleeping pills too..Just some options for you to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 let the lawyer do all your talking to her. that way there's no way she can try and convince you to give it another try. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 1. First of all-------------------there is no solution but divorce. I would only consider reconciliation if you were married for 20 years with kids and she was a good wife for 19 years. In cases like yours the only solution is divorce. 2. You are very down because of what you read regarding sex between them. Please understand that this is par fore the course and it is all BS to spice up the relationship. Furthermore her cheating has nothing to do with you. She is simply a cheater and deserves to be dumped. My exwife had an affair with an old , short, fat ugly man that had a very small penis. I found the emails and she described him as a major stud. She praised his penis to no end and use hyperbole left and right. I talked to an ex girlfriend of the OM and she confirmed he was a dud in bed with a tiny wiener. When I confronted my wife her 1st words were "He is not even half your size." I then asked "why all the hot chat?" She admitted it was done to keep everything hot and steamy. I am not saying big is better than small, but the teaching point is that folks in affair BS and lie a lot to each other. BTW, my ex wife dumped her OM right away and tried very hard to reconcile. So I asked: Why do you want to reconcile? Did you read your own emails? This OM is the best stud in the planet. She said it was all BS. So cheer up. The words between OM and your wife mean nothing. Doesn't matter if they were married for 37,000 years with 12,000,000 kids. If you cheat you destroy that whole foundation and then some. The fact remains they are married and she destroyed her vows to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedinDenver Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Well my divorce still is not final and I was feeling better until today. When I talked to her friend at the grocery store and we went for coffee and I found out that my soon to be ex wife is still sleeping with this ******* on occasion even though he has a new girlfriend. What the ****! It pisses me off to no end. I seriously married one idiotic bitch of a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Thanks for the update. You're so lucky to be rid of her before you had kids. You made a clean break. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Well my divorce still is not final and I was feeling better until today. When I talked to her friend at the grocery store and we went for coffee and I found out that my soon to be ex wife is still sleeping with this ******* on occasion even though he has a new girlfriend. What the ****! It pisses me off to no end. I seriously married one idiotic bitch of a woman. She's messed up. It's sad that she think so little of herself and how much she's changed since the day you married her. Take care of you and don't let her mistakes and bad choices get to you. All you can do is suggest she do counsellng to help find a healthier path in life. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You may not like this advise my friend but your wife isn't really who you thought you married. There is a small faction of human beings who can live dual lives and be completely comfortable at it. Many times they are sociopathic and unable to empathize with others whom they hurt. I can't possibly diagnose your wife given with what little I know about her but at the very least she's selfish and narcissistic. Confronting her with the truth and then asking her for a divorce for adultery is your only alternative. If she can do this just months into her marriage when you're supposed to be going through the honeymoon period of the marriage, she can do it at any time in the future. I wouldn't get too hung up on her orgasms or "lack thereof." She could be telling this guy that's why she's with him in order to play to his ego. The fact is, it doesn't really matter in the end. She's got another guy ****ing her in what sounds like every conceivable opportunity while you're being played the fool. She's sharing intimate thoughts and engaging herself in very sexual interludes with this man. Moreover, she's selling you out to him as the clown who can't satisfy her in bed. This isn't about you. Sexual skills can be learned and always improved upon, if indeed that's what she's lacking. I seriously doubt it. Women who are connected to a man emotionally will love him and find a way to make it work physically. If she was interested in you, that's the direction she'd go. She'd talk to you and maybe suggest a marriage or sex counselor. Instead she's bouncing up and down on this guys manhood. I don't mean to sound graphic, but I want you to get the point that she can never be trusted. Cut your losses while your young and walk away from this with the experience that you've gained from such deceit. Be thankful that you haven't built a life together with years of intertwined finances and several children. Then you'd have some real complications. Cut the tie and move on. Sorry bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DepressedinDenver Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'm doing better guys. Thanks for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I'm doing better guys. Thanks for the support. Good to hear. It sounds like a cliche but things will get better for you DD. I went through something similar in a 14 year marriage with kids. You dodged a bullet because you found out early on and you didn't have kids to complicate matters as I did. I might also add that you are one of the few I've seen here on loveshack who actually did what was truly necessary. For that you have my admiration. Link to post Share on other sites
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