wonderwhy Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hmmm... So I've noticed quite a few posts about pornography... cheating... looking... touching... the list goes on. A lot of people are saying that it's ok to find a person physically attractive, but not sexually attractive. I guess what I'm wondering is, is there a difference? And if so, aren't both a state of desire? I'm still very confused. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 They're the same thing, and they're perfectly normal. I see beautiful women every day, but I find myself only Loving one. Perhaps we deserve a bit more credit. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Perhaps we deserve a bit more credit. Take heart, Dyer. At least some of us don't think you are all led around by the 'other' heads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 And perhaps you are right... you always seem to say the right thing... once again, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Psychologist recognize there's a different. When you're physically attractive to someone you admire their outward appearance. Whatever is attractive to you: you may like someone with big legs, long legs, long hair, short hair, whatever. You just like that look and you find it pleasing and comely. You can enjoy seeing those things about someone without wanting to jump their bones. For instance, some guys like big butts because they like the way it looks on a woman as oppose to a woman that has a flat butt. A woman can like a beefcake because she likes the way a man look when he has muscles. When you're sexually attractive to someone it means pretty much that your attraction for them is sexual. You want to jump their bones. You want to do the do with them. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hmm. Psychologists say that, eh? Which psychologists? Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy4534624 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 i know it sounds funny but when im in a deep relationship i find that i never even look at other guys, i've always been like that. when i'm not in a relationship i'm not really on the prowl either, but once i'm commited to someone it's like i never find anyone else attractive. it doesn't seem like many men are that way though, they can love a woman and still have lingering eyes. acting on it is different but to me it's kind of like a slap in the face when you know your guy is looking at someone else. it creeps you out if you think too much about it after you've caught your guy drooling over another female. you think "boy i wonder if he's thinking about her when we're in bed together". same goes for porn too, my x was way into blonds and since i'm not blond and if we watched a porno together and he jetted right for the blond clips, it made me feel pretty low. i did date someone once who i swore must have been gay because he was perfect, i never caught him looking but then again i kept his attention real well. hahaha i wish all guys were like him, we could be at the beach in miami with girls running all over in thongs and he wouldn't even dare loook. or maybe i was just good at the control thing back then, i dunno. men are a hell of a lot more visual then females it sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Just because a man falls in love....doesn't mean he went BLIND. And....just because he looks....doesn't indicate he is unfaithful. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 when i notice my bf eyeing some cute girl i secretly reach my hand down bt his legs and let him enjoy the feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 As in, you squeeze to give him pain or play around and give him pleasure? If the former, AUUUUGH! You're evil. If the latter, AUUUUUUGH! You're wonderful. Then again, he should be more subtle in his looking, if he should even look at all. I dunno. Even if I was with Halle Berry, deeply in love both ways, I'd still look at other women. I guess that means I wouldn't love her, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I don't care how much in love I was.....I would never fail to recognize a sexy handsome man. HOWEVER, I wouldn't do it in front of my man......just out the corner of my eye. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 oh i didn't realize how that could be taken both ways i would never hurt a man like that. thats evil. i touch him for pleasure of course, Link to post Share on other sites
freebird Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I people tend to "people watch" in general. Male or female, you are always going to be attracted to a pretty or handsome face - it's a natural reaction. THis does not mean you are looking to cheat on whoevery your with. Think of it this way, if you see a shiny object you will look, maybe even pick it up. You see a nice car go by you look - the moment is over, the look was well, just a look. Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy4534624 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 spencer u are a better woman then i....or man? im not sure by the nickname. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 women look at guys too, some looking is ok, just no touching. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by chrissy4534624 spencer u are a better woman then i....or man? im not sure by the nickname. no im not, a better woman than you, yes i am female. i just like to be a sex tease with my bf only. i usually say stuff like 'wanna take her home with us", im just playing, flirting, and having fun with him, in a non threatening relationship. he plays back when im sneaking a peak at some good looking guy. although he sometimes says "you like that type" Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 To UCFKevin: Which psychologists? I study psychology in school and one of my classes were human sexuality from a psychosocial and physiological standpoint. There's a great textbook out about it and it's more extensive than the stuff they teach in high school. It really gets into the psyche of human sexuality. It's called "Human Sexuality (5th Edition) by William Masters (Author), Virginia E. Johnson (Author), Robert C. Kolodny (Author)". It clears up alot of misconceptions about sexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Well, I was a psychology major. I remember none of that. But I never went to Human Sexuality, just took the tests. WHOOPS! You may continue. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Originally posted by wonderwhy Hmmm... So I've noticed quite a few posts about pornography... cheating... looking... touching... the list goes on. A lot of people are saying that it's ok to find a person physically attractive, but not sexually attractive. I guess what I'm wondering is, is there a difference? And if so, aren't both a state of desire? I'm still very confused. Please help. they are not the same. I can look at a woman and recognize that she is physically attractive, but that does not mean that I am in any way sexually attracted to her. There are some female posters on this board who I think, based on their photo avatar's, are very attractive overall, or have some very attractive features. The same with the men who post their photos. But I have not seen anyone that I am sexually attracted to or who I look at and think of them in a sexual way at all. There are all sorts of different attractors. I've pointed out some beautiful women to my husband sometimes when we are out -- "oh, look at her, she is a beautiful girl-I wish I had legs like that..." those kind of statements. Something about that person attracted my attention. A beautiful smile, a graceful movement, a perfect hour-glass figure, etc. and I can appreciate their appearance, recognize their sexiness without ever feeling a sexual attraction. It's like looking at living art. It doesn't necessarily ignite a desire. Link to post Share on other sites
Smalls Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 All this that was said kinda upsets me. My man willbe watching tv and be like "shes hot" or say "id do her". Me being 4 months prego and not feeling the best about myself IT HURTS! I cant even masterbate w/ out thinking about him. So whats the deal with men? I think guys are cute but I would never say it out loud or even in front of him. It is like a slap in the face. I sit here and wonder "maybe he wishes he got her pregnant". To me its all very disrespectful. I may not be hot but I have never had a problem finding a man and still get hit on at this stage of pregnancy! Men need to understand what they have sometimes. Grass is always greener on the other side until you there! Link to post Share on other sites
bella8464 Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Smalls, a guy saying another woman is hot is normal. But I think saying "I'd do her" is disrespectful. I think you need to tell him how you feel. Tell him his choice of words hurt you. He can voice his opinions without being so crass. Women think other men are hot too, but we don't have the urge to say it out loud the way men do. I think it's good to be open with your thoughts. But like I said, there is a way to say them without hurting your partner's feelings. And don't worry about feeling unattractive because you are pregnant..I think women are MORE beautiful when they are Link to post Share on other sites
Smalls Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 well i agree that women are more attractive prego but if your not prego you wont understand. i always said id feel more sexier pregnant! HA! not gonna happen. your having all weird things happen to you and gaining weight in every place on your body! believe me hearing another women is attractive is enough reason to strangle! LOL not really but i just think men need to think before they open their mouths! the world would be much better off! Link to post Share on other sites
sienna Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD OH YEAH ! WHAT YOU SAID IS SO TRUE AND PLAIN AND SIMPLE.....LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy Posted April 15, 2004 Author Share Posted April 15, 2004 Originally posted by morrigan It's a major blow to the self esteem when you realize very few people believe anything besides your looks are worthwhile. Don't envy these girls. How can a person not envy them? Being in high school, I constantly hear people talk about how ugly someone is, or how fat they are. Talk about a major blow the self esteem. Yeah... I envy them, but what you say is true, although anyone would be dumb to think that they dont have anyother good qualities. I suppose for a lot of people it is hard to go through life, knowing how superficial the rest of the world is. Hmmm... I guess what it all boils down to is being able to accept and love yourself. The rest should be uphill from there Link to post Share on other sites
Smalls Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I dont agree. I think that the media is superficial. You have to be anorexic in order to be have way cute. Look at Marylin Monroe. She was a size 13 and was considered awesome! What happened to those days when it wasnt a matter? I just think that no matter how you look you feel like crap whenyour man is like "wow shes hot". cause i have dated men that never said that! its all a matter of respect. I use to be pretty big and now im 5'2 117 lbs and very fit because i wanted to kill myself so many times because of things people would say or even seeing women being on tv. People just need to open their minds a lil. Link to post Share on other sites
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