moving back in

[ilovemywife7]

ive been posting on another forum but thought i would join here and get more advice

 

so heres the short version of story!

 

Me and wife happy (i think!) with 2 year old dughter

My father gets cancer and dies suddenly

just before dies he asks me to move to mums house to support her (they had a farm and big house etc)

Wife doesnt want to but eventually i persuade her and we move

Means i now have long drive to work and we go separatly (we used to have a short drive together)..i am leaving early and getting back later so she spends more time on own...i do still put kids to bed and do baths etc

meanwhile we agree to have another baby and my son is born

she falls out with my mum and theres alot of stress..we argue...she asks for us to go to counselling and i say no we can work it out..she only asked once and seemed ok with that..

i agree we will move out after 3.5 years

more stress buying and selling houses

we buy dream house but needs alot of DIY

we run up big credit cards debts doing alot of the work

the remaining work we say we will do and move in but she is depressed and unhappy (she says its me thats depressed and unhappy) and so we argue more

after a beer and another failed attempt to get her to talk to me i say i want divorce as she wont talk to me or discuss anything - i so didnt mean this, i just want to shock her into talking

Stupidly i didnt think..its bad timing as her sister has just been diagnosed with cancer and she is worried about this

2 days later she then goes to solicitor and finds out about one and then says she wants to separate and get divorced

I beg, cry, write letters and do everything you shouldnt...we agree i will move out to my mums..she then changes her mind after a traumatic week at her mums

we try but her heart is not in it and she gets depressed and distant again

she says she wants separate again..again i arrange to go when i return from a conference trip abroad, but when i get back she has changed mind again..we try again but it follows the same pattern as before..its also our 10th wedding anniversary but i screw it up by not getting a proper wife card..shes disappointed and angry again...xmas is not much fun we are both ill and she invites her parents down even though we agreed to spend it together..

By march things are bad again, she is avoiding me and so after another discussions he says it all again for the third time...she wants to separate, theres no hope for reconcilliation, no counselling, she has had enough and wants out..final..i was not affectionate enough for her, i dont clean the house, i will never change, we are not compatible together (we did always squabble alot)...i wasnt there enough for her when kids were young (not true), things are easier for her now they will go to school..she thinks her whole life has been wasted and she has been a mug staying with me all these years..she wants to see if grass is greener...she wants me to find someone else..There was no affairs or abuse..

she becomes more and more angry at the time it is taking me to move out..i cant afford anywhere so eventually i go back to mums

I left house as wife demanded about 8 weeks ago...or she said she would move out with kids and take them away..i went in the hope that she might miss me when gone (which she isnt)...i think moving out was a mistake now

She stops wearing rings even though i ask her not to..and tells everyone we now separated.

She is living in house that i am paying all the mortgage for.

I am also paying all credit cards debts.

She is paying utility bills and for kids clothes and b'day parties.

She previosuly said she is getting house finished to sell asap so she can move to rented accomodation...although some of the work she is doing is unnecesary for selling and it is taking a while...she has said now she will take time as house can be sold anythime of year (we have hefty redemption penalty if we sell before next august)

She only wants me to see children twice a week, one evening and on saturday.

A CAB advisor has told me this is unfair and i should seek financial and legal advice, which i have now.

I dont think there is anyone else involved...i have been putting 007 to shame and theres no evidence for anyone at the moment

She seems angry with me still and doesnt want any contact where possible

She has also become quite mean, threatening me that i cant see the kids if i change my days, getting her family to come down and do work on the house without telling me, i think she is blaming it all on me to them and her friends and so they dont want to know me..she wants me to baby sit for her to go and play babmington and go out in evening, and gets annoyed that 'its not fair she cant go out one evening a wekk' but i can go out whenever i like?

 

I tried to persuade her to go to counselling one last time about 5 weeks ago, and she blew up ...she has been much more distant and mean since then...she has told her mum that she is content now i have left and is annoyed with herself for not being brave enough to do this sooner and that she is angry with me because she thinks i am blaming her when it is 'clearly not her fault'...i have been sweetnes and light though every time i see her so im not sure why she is saying this..i should be being angry with her!

 

I started doing the 180 ..it doesnt seem to be making much difference at the moment although she did suggest we go to my sons b'day party together last week...i declined and met her there

 

I have been advised to ask my wife to leave the house to rented accomodation and move back in, as she claims she wants to do anyway once house is sold, to allow me to move back in to finish the DIY and sell the house more quickly to pay of the debts

 

This would give me back some control over the situation with the house at least

 

I am worried this may push her further away..i would like us to get back together, but at the moment this just doesnt seem possible

 

however, i wonder if her current situation is just to comfortable,she is having fun with her friends and playing house, and if my taking the initiative would make her think twice??

 

I have also put together a more fair finance plan that asks her to pay half the mortgage and half the debts...which i was planning to give her this weekend

 

A solicitor has told me that my moving out will not affect my claim on the house (joint mortgage)....but im now wondering if it shows that i dont need to live there and a judge may award her the right to stay there if she wanted to do that after august?...she likes the house and may try and stay there, but if theres really no hope of reconcilliation it would be better for me to sell it sooner as i am spiralling into more debt

 

I wondered if anyone has any advice on all this mess...i miss the kids and they miss me...i also miss my wife but know that she is determined to go though with this at the moment..i have started doing things to self improve etc and feel better about things now than previously but i still cant stop thinking about her all the time and wishing this wasnt happening

 

any advice greatly appreciated!!!

[robf1971]

ive been posting on another forum but thought i would join here and get more advice

 

so heres the short version of story!

 

Me and wife happy (i think!) with 2 year old dughter

My father gets cancer and dies suddenly

just before dies he asks me to move to mums house to support her (they had a farm and big house etc)

Wife doesnt want to but eventually i persuade her and we move

Means i now have long drive to work and we go separatly (we used to have a short drive together)..i am leaving early and getting back later so she spends more time on own...i do still put kids to bed and do baths etc

meanwhile we agree to have another baby and my son is born

she falls out with my mum and theres alot of stress..we argue...she asks for us to go to counselling and i say no we can work it out..she only asked once and seemed ok with that..

i agree we will move out after 3.5 years

more stress buying and selling houses

we buy dream house but needs alot of DIY

we run up big credit cards debts doing alot of the work

the remaining work we say we will do and move in but she is depressed and unhappy (she says its me thats depressed and unhappy) and so we argue more

after a beer and another failed attempt to get her to talk to me i say i want divorce as she wont talk to me or discuss anything - i so didnt mean this, i just want to shock her into talking

Stupidly i didnt think..its bad timing as her sister has just been diagnosed with cancer and she is worried about this

2 days later she then goes to solicitor and finds out about one and then says she wants to separate and get divorced

I beg, cry, write letters and do everything you shouldnt...we agree i will move out to my mums..she then changes her mind after a traumatic week at her mums

we try but her heart is not in it and she gets depressed and distant again

she says she wants separate again..again i arrange to go when i return from a conference trip abroad, but when i get back she has changed mind again..we try again but it follows the same pattern as before..its also our 10th wedding anniversary but i screw it up by not getting a proper wife card..shes disappointed and angry again...xmas is not much fun we are both ill and she invites her parents down even though we agreed to spend it together..

By march things are bad again, she is avoiding me and so after another discussions he says it all again for the third time...she wants to separate, theres no hope for reconcilliation, no counselling, she has had enough and wants out..final..i was not affectionate enough for her, i dont clean the house, i will never change, we are not compatible together (we did always squabble alot)...i wasnt there enough for her when kids were young (not true), things are easier for her now they will go to school..she thinks her whole life has been wasted and she has been a mug staying with me all these years..she wants to see if grass is greener...she wants me to find someone else..There was no affairs or abuse..

she becomes more and more angry at the time it is taking me to move out..i cant afford anywhere so eventually i go back to mums

I left house as wife demanded about 8 weeks ago...or she said she would move out with kids and take them away..i went in the hope that she might miss me when gone (which she isnt)...i think moving out was a mistake now

She stops wearing rings even though i ask her not to..and tells everyone we now separated.

She is living in house that i am paying all the mortgage for.

I am also paying all credit cards debts.

She is paying utility bills and for kids clothes and b'day parties.

She previosuly said she is getting house finished to sell asap so she can move to rented accomodation...although some of the work she is doing is unnecesary for selling and it is taking a while...she has said now she will take time as house can be sold anythime of year (we have hefty redemption penalty if we sell before next august)

She only wants me to see children twice a week, one evening and on saturday.

A CAB advisor has told me this is unfair and i should seek financial and legal advice, which i have now.

I dont think there is anyone else involved...i have been putting 007 to shame and theres no evidence for anyone at the moment

She seems angry with me still and doesnt want any contact where possible

She has also become quite mean, threatening me that i cant see the kids if i change my days, getting her family to come down and do work on the house without telling me, i think she is blaming it all on me to them and her friends and so they dont want to know me..she wants me to baby sit for her to go and play babmington and go out in evening, and gets annoyed that 'its not fair she cant go out one evening a wekk' but i can go out whenever i like?

 

I tried to persuade her to go to counselling one last time about 5 weeks ago, and she blew up ...she has been much more distant and mean since then...she has told her mum that she is content now i have left and is annoyed with herself for not being brave enough to do this sooner and that she is angry with me because she thinks i am blaming her when it is 'clearly not her fault'...i have been sweetnes and light though every time i see her so im not sure why she is saying this..i should be being angry with her!

 

I started doing the 180 ..it doesnt seem to be making much difference at the moment although she did suggest we go to my sons b'day party together last week...i declined and met her there

 

I have been advised to ask my wife to leave the house to rented accomodation and move back in, as she claims she wants to do anyway once house is sold, to allow me to move back in to finish the DIY and sell the house more quickly to pay of the debts

 

This would give me back some control over the situation with the house at least

 

I am worried this may push her further away..i would like us to get back together, but at the moment this just doesnt seem possible

 

however, i wonder if her current situation is just to comfortable,she is having fun with her friends and playing house, and if my taking the initiative would make her think twice??

 

I have also put together a more fair finance plan that asks her to pay half the mortgage and half the debts...which i was planning to give her this weekend

 

A solicitor has told me that my moving out will not affect my claim on the house (joint mortgage)....but im now wondering if it shows that i dont need to live there and a judge may award her the right to stay there if she wanted to do that after august?...she likes the house and may try and stay there, but if theres really no hope of reconcilliation it would be better for me to sell it sooner as i am spiralling into more debt

 

I wondered if anyone has any advice on all this mess...i miss the kids and they miss me...i also miss my wife but know that she is determined to go though with this at the moment..i have started doing things to self improve etc and feel better about things now than previously but i still cant stop thinking about her all the time and wishing this wasnt happening

 

any advice greatly appreciated!!!

 

Firstly I've reconciled my marriage, so please listen to me. You should NEVER have left NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.

 

Move back in !!!!! tell your solicitor, he will advise.

[ilovemywife7]

thanks for replies...yes ive decided i will do that..i will tell her first and then move back..it should be a fun discussion!..i will keep you posted

[PegNosePete]

Be careful of telling her, she may just change the locks.

[ilovemywife7]

yea, i wondered about that, but is she allowed to do this, its jointly owned and i think that would be illegal...i put bolts on before i left for extra security for them so i think i will need to take these of before telling her!..

[PegNosePete]

Technically no, she is not allowed to change the locks.

 

But if she does, what are you going to do about it? Break in? She will call the police and they will see it as a breach of the peace, and you will be sent away (best case scenario). It will be on record and she will use it to get an occupation order which excludes you from the house legally.

 

So no, she is not really supposed to change the locks, but if she does, there's not a whole lot you can do to get around it.

[ilovemywife7]

ok, i can see how it could go horribly wrong...i wouldnt put it past her to change the locks once ive moved in tbh but i guess its best to keep it as a surprise for her for now...shes going away soon for a few days and i have the kids so maybe then would be the best time

[PegNosePete]

Yeah sounds like the perfect opportunity.

 

This is all worst case scenario but you know what they say, hope for the best, plan for the worst!

[ilovemywife7]

i have just been reading about walk away wife syndrome....and i wondered if my wife fits this profile?...i think she does but according to the web women who do this rarley want to reconcile...i wondered if anyone had any experience/advice on this??

[robf1971]

i have just been reading about walk away wife syndrome....and i wondered if my wife fits this profile?...i think she does but according to the web women who do this rarley want to reconcile...i wondered if anyone had any experience/advice on this??

 

Yep, had a walk away wife and reconciled so maybe not as rare as you think. Moving back in is a good step forward IMO.

[ilovemywife7]

thanks for the reply, where can i read your story...i need inspiration at the moment!

[Owl]

Yep, had a walk away wife and reconciled so maybe not as rare as you think. Moving back in is a good step forward IMO.

 

I'd consider my wife's EA as an attempt at an exit affair...also a walk-away-wife.

 

We're happily reconciled as well.

 

It CAN be done, but it requires a lot of effort on your part during the initial stages to FIGHT for your marriage without becoming a doormat.

 

My story is years old...look for posts from me from around my join date.

[change]

I'd consider my wife's EA as an attempt at an exit affair...also a walk-away-wife.

 

We're happily reconciled as well.

 

It CAN be done, but it requires a lot of effort on your part during the initial stages to FIGHT for your marriage without becoming a doormat.

 

My story is years old...look for posts from me from around my join date.

 

Owl, when you say a lot of effort during the initial stages, what do you mean by that?

 

I've obviously taken the doormat approach during the last month since my wife decided that she didn't want to work on the marriage anymore. She had walked out a month before that.

 

I have a financial conversation coming up this weekend with her. I still want to fight for my marriage, but I don't know how to do it without being a doormat at this point -- since any anger from me feels as though it will be received as "more of the same" behavior given my unreasonable anger toward her during our marriage due to my depression.

 

I suppose anger and being a doormat don't go hand in hand. But I'm still not clear from your story or Robf1971's how you handled reconciling with the WAW.

[Owl]

In my case, I made it very clear that I loved my wife, and I wanted her to stay and our family to remain together. (She was all set to fly away to live with OM.)

 

I spelled it out very clearly for her that if she left, there was no coming back. She'd hoped that somehow/someday I'd forgive her, and that we'd eventually end up being good friends, with the kids happily living back and forth between two homes...mine, and hers and OM's.

 

I told her that this wouldn't be the case. I wanted her, and I loved her...but I would NEVER accept her in my life as anything less than my wife. And OM would NEVER, EVER be accepted in any kind of proximity to me. That meant that there would be events where either she could be there with him, or I could be...but never both.

 

I spelled out very clearly what she was giving up.

 

It created enough doubt that she didn't get on the plane that day.

 

After that, she and I did a short term "in house" seperation, with the general idea of a trial seperation to follow. When she started to look for apartments, she indicated she was comfortable with signing a year lease, expecting our seperation to last at least that long...while she continued with the option of seeing/dating OM.

 

I told her if that's how she felt...I wouldn't wait for her for a year. We'd divorce immediately, she could live on her own without me in her life, and there'd be no reason for a seperation.

 

She realized that she was going to COMPLETELY lose me out of her life if she didn't change.

 

It caused her to re-evaluate...and she realized that she HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE NOW.

 

She chose me. I set boundaries that made it clear that if this was her choice...OM was NOT part of the picture in any fashion.

 

Bottom line is that you negotiate on the things you want...you stand fast and INSIST on the things you need. Accept no less.

She'll respect you more for taking a stand than for giving in.

[ilovemywife7]

no probs coopster...thanks for feedback everyone..

 

just to update...i saw wife last night and told her i wanted finances to be more fairly divided..im paying mortage and hefty credit card debt while she pays for utilities..she is getting an extra £400 a month from the council in tax credits...meanwhile im now way into my overdraft limit

 

before i had a chance to say anything she told me she had been thinking about it and she had decided that i could pay the whole of the mortgage into her account (closing down our joint a/c where i currently pay it into) and she would pay half the credit card bills..this would give me a bit more money

 

I suggested the fair way to do it was to split it all 50:50 and i would contribute half of whatever money was needed for kids (clothes etc)..she wasnt happy and wanted me to pay towards utilities as well as kids are using water etc...so i said no problem but im not transferring mortgage payments to her a/c, they will remain going from joint a/c

 

she was getting angrier and then said i would be liable for mortgage cause she wouldnt be able to pay for it...so i went through her income and outgoings and showed her she could afford it ...and she would still have an equal amount of money left over to me when we had paid for everything..which is plenty to live on

 

she wanted to know why i couldnt pay all of mortgage when i was living for free at my mums...i hadnt planned to tell her but then she asked me if i had moved and so i said yes...she hadnt realised i had moved out from there and was now renting about an hour away close to where i work ...she was a bit shocked..

 

then she got spiteful and said she didnt want me coming for tea with kids anymore on tuesday night..she hates cooking for me and im eating her food she has to pay for (this is why she is always grumpy on tuesday night i think, on saturdays she has them ready to go out of door when i arrive)..she wants me to pick kids up from school and take them somewhere which she knows i cant do very easily as they finish at 3:15pm...also she said it would need to change when they move as doesnt want me in her new house..

 

then she wanted to know where i was living and with who...i told her it was none of her business now and reminded her she had said 'she was no longer my family' ...so then she decided i must be seeing someone .. i said no, just i dont have to tell her where i go anymore..but she didnt beleive me..

 

she then said she was curious and 'just needs to know the state of our relat...."..then stopped...i just laughed and said "state of our relationship?".."its the state you made it..were separated and if you want to talk about it then put your rings back on"

 

she then said she took rings of as she knew it would annoy me!...i didnt ask but she said she was not seeing anyone...which i believe as i have been doing alot of detective work!

 

then she said she didnt care if i was seeing someone she would just file for adultery and get the divorce quicker...she wished them better luck than she had..i said i was amazed at how she had become and she said that it was how i had made her..so i told her to take responsibility for who she was and for her share of what she was doing

 

i was calm and cheerful throughout the whole discussion and then she started asking again about who i was living with and i said i think we should stop talking about it all and i would see her on saturday and left

 

i was surprised that she didnt offer to sell the house during all this...i think she plans to try and stay there..the work she has done on it and is planning to do is not the type of things that sells a house

 

anyway i left it that she could draw up a list of her expenses and we could have another look at it all, but at the end of the day i will make sure she is paying her fair share

 

my next plan is to move back into the house and get the essential DIY finsihed for selling

[PegNosePete]

Well dude seems like your marriage is dead. Sorry.

 

then she said she didnt care if i was seeing someone she would just file for adultery and get the divorce quicker...

That proves she doesn't know much about UK divorce law. Filing under adultery is no quicker than any other ground. And using adultery is pretty stupid unless you know your spouse will confess to it. I would suggest you get it in first, using Unreasonable Behaviour. If you allow her to be petitioner then it's likely she will stall for financial reasons, or use contact with the kids as blackmail. Get in there first and be in control of the timescale.

 

Dude you need to line up your ducks right now. See a solicitor ASAP. Don't change any financial arrangements that are currently in place until you've taken legal advice. Agreeing to something now might backfire on you in the future. Just tell her you don't want to talk about finances until you've taken legal advice. Find a GOOD solicitor, one that you like,.and you feel will fight for you. If you need to see several before choosing then go ahead - initial consultations are usually free. For this it's very important that you get in there first... if you go to a solicitor even for a free initial consultation then they cannot advise your wife due to conflict of interest laws. Same applies to you - if she sees all the good solicitors, even if she doesn't take them on, they can't see you. So it's important to get a good solicitor ASAP.

 

Remember when you move back in you have to act like an ANGEL with her. No raised voices AT ALL and no arguments. Punch a bag at the gym if she stresses you out. If you lift a finger you'll be slapped with an occupation order.

[ilovemywife7]

yes, it doesnt look good at the moment as far as a reconcilliation is concerned

 

having said that she was way more surprised and interested in where i was living and who i was living with than i expected and i dont think it was to try and use this against me ...altho im sure thats what will end up happening in one form or another

 

she is very angry with me and blames me for the whole situation...maybe the thought of someone else being interested in me will make her think more about what she is throwing away, but i doubt it at the moment

[robf1971]

to FIGHT for your marriage without becoming a doormat.

 

Absolutely this is key. It's about regaining your wife's respect. At the moment she has precisley zero of that towards you.

[robf1971]

In my case, I made it very clear that I loved my wife, and I wanted her to stay and our family to remain together. (She was all set to fly away to live with OM.)

 

I spelled it out very clearly for her that if she left, there was no coming back. She'd hoped that somehow/someday I'd forgive her, and that we'd eventually end up being good friends, with the kids happily living back and forth between two homes...mine, and hers and OM's.

 

I told her that this wouldn't be the case. I wanted her, and I loved her...but I would NEVER accept her in my life as anything less than my wife. And OM would NEVER, EVER be accepted in any kind of proximity to me. That meant that there would be events where either she could be there with him, or I could be...but never both.

 

I spelled out very clearly what she was giving up.

 

It created enough doubt that she didn't get on the plane that day.

 

After that, she and I did a short term "in house" seperation, with the general idea of a trial seperation to follow. When she started to look for apartments, she indicated she was comfortable with signing a year lease, expecting our seperation to last at least that long...while she continued with the option of seeing/dating OM.

 

I told her if that's how she felt...I wouldn't wait for her for a year. We'd divorce immediately, she could live on her own without me in her life, and there'd be no reason for a seperation.

 

She realized that she was going to COMPLETELY lose me out of her life if she didn't change.

 

It caused her to re-evaluate...and she realized that she HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE NOW.

 

She chose me. I set boundaries that made it clear that if this was her choice...OM was NOT part of the picture in any fashion.

 

Bottom line is that you negotiate on the things you want...you stand fast and INSIST on the things you need. Accept no less.

She'll respect you more for taking a stand than for giving in.

 

Wow these things are similar, my story is pretty much the same minus the OM. She had this ridiculous being friends fantasy, I told her "no way". Also this whole looking for apartments thing it's uncannily similar. I told my W there was no way I'd ever speak, forgive or set eyes on her again if she moved out.

 

I remember one day, she said she'd found a flat and tried to hug me, I pulled away and told her "better get used to this" She never moved out!!

[ilovemywife7]

my wife also mentioned that she saw us as friends and at least being amicable in front of the kids..

 

last night my daughter asked when we were all sat at the table if mummy and daddy were friends again..mummy didnt look up and said 'no'!...

 

wtf...should be me whos angry!

 

anyways, i will lay down some rules along the lines of what has been suggested and see what happens..

 

too be honest im not sure she will care if i threaten never to speak to her again at the moment

[Owl]

Don't threaten.

 

Do.

 

Set boundaries in what you will accept or not accept from your wife in terms of communication/interaction/etc...

 

And enforce them.

 

Nothing angry about it.

[Mauschen]

Good move on not telling your wife about where and with whom you're living. I'll bet she is sick thinking about what you might be doing. I would continue with that.

 

You can definitely get through this without being a doormat. Be firm on what your boundaries are, but don't beg and plead.

 

With my ex, I made it clear that we are never going to be friends, attend the same functions, etc. He still chose to continue his affair, and I left. He now tries to invite himself (or his friends) to my children's birthday parties and he occasionally sends me emails that have nothing to do with the children (which I ignore). He gave up everything. I am not sure if he regrets it, but he probably does. You need to let your wife know that she will be giving up everything, and that you won't accept her as anything less than your wife. I've seen this approach work for some people. And even if it doesn't work, you have saved your dignity and are free to (eventually) enjoy life without her bothering you - because you've set up boundaries indicating she is not to.

 

What she is doing with the kids is called alienation. She has no right to keep them to herself, and I suggest you have a lawyer send her a letter requesting more access to your children. If she refuses to let you see them, a judge (not sure how your legal system works) won't look kindly at that. So document when you see the kids, when she makes seeing them difficult, and when she refuses completely. Since your kids are living in your joint house, she has no right to be crabby when you're there to see them. Since she doesn't like to cook for you, just bring a meal for yourself and the kids (no need to bring one for her).

[ilovemywife7]

<Set boundaries in what you will accept or not accept from your wife in terms of communication/interaction/etc...>

 

i will defn do this...

 

< I am not sure if he regrets it, but he probably does. >...im sure he does Mauschen

 

yes i think thats what she is trying to do...alienate me as much as possible from the kids and also i think its a way of punishing me ...recently the tv has been on very loud when i ring each night..my 6 year old daughter is usually watching a film and so she doesnt always concentrate on talking to me...i asked wife to pause the film when i ring but she said maybe i should ring less often and then they would be more keen to talk to me!!

 

good idea about the meal, i like that

[robf1971]

Don't threaten.

 

Do.

 

Set boundaries in what you will accept or not accept from your wife in terms of communication/interaction/etc...

 

And enforce them.

 

Nothing angry about it.

 

Please listen to this . Words mean nothing without actions

[ilovemywife7]

well i guess she was pi**ed i asked for some money...last night i rang and left a trail of messages on the home phone and her mobile asking to talk to kids at the usual time and she didnt answer...then sent a text after they had gone to bed saying sorry, but she didnt see messages in time!...

 

she answered tonight, but she resents having to talk to me, even just having to say hello...

 

i will start establishing boundaries, i think i will just accept its over and assume she is going to carry out all of her threats about leaving and divorce and work on doing whats best for me and kids based on that..

 

its hard though, especially when i think about the kids and not being with them, and the way she is able to disconnect me from them at will...i got quite depressed about it tonight..the problem is i still love her and i still have hope...which isnt healthy for my state of mind really..its a pity i cant just switch it of and move on, it would be much easier then..