Why am I threatened by this girl? On Facebook, of all things!

[neltuneliel]

*Wanted to apologize. Apparently I clicked something twice, and now there are 2 of the same posts. Sorry!*

 

My boyfriend and started dating 6 months ago. But didn't really start a relationship until about 2.5 months ago. I didn't want to go official on Facebook because I thought it would jinx our relationship. But for some reason, he really wanted to. Once we did that, all hell broke loose. Girls on his page started going crazy saying to him "I want to be with you!", "I thought you liked me", "You are such a player!"...he told me all these things...but they didn't really bother me. It's this one girl, who constantly begs him to hang out with her. She's left messages on his phone, crying and begging him to come see her because she is "lonely". She's told him that he "should have hit that when he had the chance". I basically told him this girl is bad news. And he said he's never going to hang out with her. BUT she still asks him on Facebook, if he will hang out with her. He never tells her "no", but leads her on, making her think he's actually considering it. Last night she asked him if they could go out for ice cream. He said he might take her up on that...Why is he telling me something different to what he's telling her? Should I be worried?

Edited May 20, 2011 by neltuneliel

[PegNosePete]

No you should not be worried.

 

You should be SINGLE.

 

He obviously does not give a rat's arse about you, your feelings, or your relationship. You need to get rid of this tosser and find someone who will respect you.

[neltuneliel]

I'm not ready to break the relationship off. I really like this guy. I just want some advice...to fix this. I don't want to break up over something silly as Facebook. I just don't want this problem to go beyond Facebook. What can I say to him? Without coming across as the jealous girlfriend?

[PegNosePete]

Well you want advice, my advice is to dump him. He's disrespecting you and your relationship and isn't likely to change. He's just not the committed, respectful type. Sorry.

 

What do you think he would do, if the positions were reversed? You would be dumped quicker than Barry Allen.

 

You're not breaking up over facebook. You're breaking up over his disrespectful behaviour and treatment of you. Honey it already DOES go beyond facebook. Facebook is just a tool, don't blame the tool, blame the USER. He is acting inappropriately with another girl, now what difference does it matter whether he's doing it over facebook or twitter or email text or phone or carrier pigeon? The fact is he is playing you for a fool so you can either carry on status quo, or you can do something about it.

[stace79]

He's telling you one thing and leading other girls on. He's at best a manipulator and at worst a liar and cheat.

 

I'm hopeful that you are both younger than 20 years old... am I right?

 

You have only been dating 2.5 months, and this is how you are already being treated? It never gets better. The problems you have now will be magnified the longer you stay in this. You deserve better, and you are not being a "jealous girlfriend". You are a girl who deserves mutual respect in a relationship, and you're not getting it.

[neltuneliel]

Sigh, I'm 23. He's 30.

[Eeyore79]

I agree with what other posters have said. He's treating you disrespectfully, and if he hasn't learned proper behavior by the age of 30 then he's unlikely to change. I second the recommendation to dump him and find someone who respects you and maintains acceptable boundaries with other women.

[neltuneliel]

Thank you every one for responding. I will take every thing in consideration. I still haven't made up my mind. I talked to him. Was straight forward and told him what exactly was bothering me. He said he wouldn't hang out with her and that he didn't think it mattered because she has a boyfriend now. From what I know about her, having a boyfriend doesn't change a thing. I know for a fact she would cheat to get with my boyfriend. But anyway, I told him that wasn't the point because I already knew he wouldn't hang out with her. And that the main problem is that he is telling me something different from her which is leading her on. But I still don't think he gets it, sigh.

[Lil1]

I have to agree with the other posters. I do believe that for a 30 year old man to be behaving this way is a huge red flag and he is not treating you with respect. Please don't invest more of your emotions and heart into this relationship because you will get hurt. Start your retreat immediately and let him know that you don't feel that he values your relationship and you just don't trust him. I also would recommend just deleting yourself from facebook. It is the root of all evil lol! Just kidding. But seriously, facebook is lame when it comes to relationships.

[radiodarcy]

he's 30?! my goodness i thought he was 15. maybe something happened in his childhood to stunt his maturity either that or he's simply immature. regardless that's his problem not yours. get rid of him. you deserve better.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Why am I threatened by this girl? On Facebook, of all things!

 

 

Uhhhhhhhhhh, because you are on Facebook???