OM Wants to Resume R, I Don't

[TurningTables]

Here we go:sick:. (new/old poster). An affair is a choice. Each act is a choice, not a mistake. There is no accidental stuff. It is a poor choice, a choice with knockout consequences for some, but still a choice.

 

Hello bentnotbroken. I am a new poster here. No, I am not a troll or someone who wants to start trouble or an old poster?(not sure what that meant) I have also noticed you guys rip on new posters here also, which is why I have been hesitant to share my own story. I have been lurking for a couple of weeks, reading. I am not sure why some here tear others apart for their decisions. People come to this place for advice or guidance. I understand that every choice you make in life has a result and in the end, it is their own choice. I just dont think that someone coming on here to seek advice should be talked down to because they've made mistakes. Others on here have been polite and gave their opionion, but at least they were respectful. If you are seeking to help someone ( which is why everyone would arrive at this site), wouldnt it be better to attract with honey instead of vinegar? Just a thought.

[BB07]

Hello bentnotbroken. I am a new poster here. No, I am not a troll or someone who wants to start trouble or an old poster?(not sure what that meant) I have also noticed you guys rip on new posters here also, which is why I have been hesitant to share my own story. I have been lurking for a couple of weeks, reading. I am not sure why some here tear others apart for their decisions. People come to this place for advice or guidance. I understand that every choice you make in life has a result and in the end, it is their own choice. I just dont think that someone coming on here to seek advice should be talked down to because they've made mistakes. Others on here have been polite and gave their opionion, but at least they were respectful. If you are seeking to help someone ( which is why everyone would arrive at this site), wouldnt it be better to attract with honey instead of vinegar? Just a thought.

 

I felt similar to you when I came here but I've grown to respect and admire people like bent and others who tell it like it is. Yes sometimes she adds a little vinegar with it, but under that is a very wonderful lady. As for her reply to you, I don't see it as being disrespectful she was just being blunt with her truth just as she sees it. That's her way.

 

As for people's motives about being here, everyone is not here for help. Some like to share their hard-won wisdom and advice irregardless of what side of the fence they were on and that's why it's my favorite site. It's REAL, kinda like real life where affairs aren't an accepted part of society. And there are the trolls.....who tend to get raked over the coals but well if they are trolls they kinda deserve it, don't you think?

 

Welcome to LS and I hope you hang around.

[bentnotbroken]

Hello bentnotbroken. I am a new poster here. No, I am not a troll or someone who wants to start trouble or an old poster?(not sure what that meant) I have also noticed you guys rip on new posters here also, which is why I have been hesitant to share my own story. I have been lurking for a couple of weeks, reading. I am not sure why some here tear others apart for their decisions. People come to this place for advice or guidance. I understand that every choice you make in life has a result and in the end, it is their own choice. I just dont think that someone coming on here to seek advice should be talked down to because they've made mistakes. Others on here have been polite and gave their opionion, but at least they were respectful. If you are seeking to help someone ( which is why everyone would arrive at this site), wouldnt it be better to attract with honey instead of vinegar? Just a thought.

 

 

Sorry. Not trying to attract anything. If somebody can use something I say(the way I say it)that's great. If not, leave it and move on. I'm good with either option.

[weedsandposies]

I'll come back and reply but wanted to give an update.

 

Yesterday i was in the car with H and told him if he ever had an affair i wouldn't want to know about it, which has always been my stance. but yesterday he almost crashed the car and began yelling about how i've been mentioning affairs alot lately and i'm planting seeds of doubt in him.

 

OM just sent me a series of non-stop texts asking to see me. i told him i'm going on a trip and will be back in a couple of weeks, i'll contact him then. he was persistent, insisting we meetup. i told him i can't have plans. he stopped responding to me saying i'm avoiding him. That's scary because he typically doesn't do this. AND we are broken up, have hardly communicated in the past month. Seriously I'm getting worried. What are the chance he's just sick of me and will leave me alone from now on? I want to block him everywhere but fear a) this really isn't a solution with all the technology and he can easily contact me with other accounts and b) if I don't respond to him he'll do something crazy.

 

Last night I had a terrible dream I was having an affair with a married man. We were about to have dinner and his wife walks in, gives me a filthy look and sits in my place at the table. I've never had dreams about affairs before. This is all going to blow up in my face pretty soon.

[bentnotbroken]

I'll come back and reply but wanted to give an update.

 

Yesterday i was in the car with H and told him if he ever had an affair i wouldn't want to know about it, which has always been my stance. but yesterday he almost crashed the car and began yelling about how i've been mentioning affairs alot lately and i'm planting seeds of doubt in him.

 

OM just sent me a series of non-stop texts asking to see me. i told him i'm going on a trip and will be back in a couple of weeks, i'll contact him then. he was persistent, insisting we meetup. i told him i can't have plans. he stopped responding to me saying i'm avoiding him. That's scary because he typically doesn't do this. AND we are broken up, have hardly communicated in the past month. Seriously I'm getting worried. What are the chance he's just sick of me and will leave me alone from now on? I want to block him everywhere but fear a) this really isn't a solution with all the technology and he can easily contact me with other accounts and b) if I don't respond to him he'll do something crazy.

 

Last night I had a terrible dream I was having an affair with a married man. We were about to have dinner and his wife walks in, gives me a filthy look and sits in my place at the table. I've never had dreams about affairs before. This is all going to blow up in my face pretty soon.

 

 

Yup. What you going to do about it?

[whichwayisup]

Don't have those types of emotionally charged conversations while in the car.

 

Anyway, he isn't stupid, infact he KNOWS something is off now, even more so since this is the SECOND time you've "hinted" about affairs and reaction.

 

COME CLEAN AND TELL HIM. What you are doing now is mean. You're gaslighting him, feeling out the situation.

 

IF he asks you point blank, "DID you or ARE you having an affair?" I am STRONGLY suggesting you to TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

 

Stop playing these games with your husband and face the consquences of what you did. This is the only way to bring peace, even if it hurts him.

 

Your lying to him and pretending is making things worse. He's on guard and trust me, he WILL be doing some digging and watch you as well.

 

Tell him!!!

[YellowShark]

Here we go:sick:. (new/old poster). An affair is a choice. Each act is a choice, not a mistake. There is no accidental stuff. It is a poor choice, a choice with knockout consequences for some, but still a choice.

Wow..that was really harsh yellowshark. You dont know the circumstances in why or how this all began. Everyone makes mistakes and try to muddle through this thing we all call life. I guess you cant see all of us "little people" from that high pedestal your on.

 

Little people? Come on don't be so dramatic. I wasn't being unkind, I didn't call you a name. I asked if all this grief because of OM is worth it?

 

And with all do respect I don't buy the "mistakes" line or the "it just happened" line. A mistake is something one-off, something you do from a misunderstanding or through carelessness. You *knew* you had a husband didn't you? This guy you knew for half your life - since late teens - knew you were married too didn't he? Right?

 

Yesterday i was in the car with H and told him if he ever had an affair i wouldn't want to know about it, which has always been my stance. but yesterday he almost crashed the car and began yelling about how i've been mentioning affairs alot lately and i'm planting seeds of doubt in him.....This is all going to blow up in my face pretty soon.

 

I'm not going to be hypocritical and give you support for throwing your husband under a bus for an old flame and hiding it from him. Sorry that's just not me. I just so rarely see these things work out well because they are based in deception rather than true love. And that's something very sad and unhealthy.

Edited May 21, 2011 by YellowShark

[y2k]

First, your xOM holds the cards here. If he ever even threatens to tell your H about the two of you, then we can conclude that the OM doesn't love you, and problems beyond imagination will arrive. We can also conclude that you don't love your husband. A person that cheats DOES NOT love their spouse. Don't feel bad about it. Many people fall out of love with their partners. You should have left your H though.

 

But there is a problem of IMMEDIATE concern here:

 

About a week ago I attempted to tell H about A. He nearly flipped the table.

 

Yesterday i was in the car with H and told him if he ever had an affair i wouldn't want to know about it, which has always been my stance. but yesterday he almost crashed the car and began yelling about how i've been mentioning affairs alot lately and i'm planting seeds of doubt in him.

 

Your current H sounds like a nut who's bound to explode any moment now, and it could end BAD. Notice what I highlighted above^^^

 

You should divorce your current H. There are two reasons why:

 

1) He's a potential BOMB waiting to go off. Any man would get angry at such a situation, but not to these levels (the ones I highlighted). If I was in his shoes, I'd question my wife and get upset, but I would never have it in me to flip over a table or nearly crash a car. Such acts aren't in me. Only men who are ready to get REALLY violent have it in them to do those things. I'm sure plenty of people here can tell you that. What else could he get angry at in the future??? It's a disaster waiting to happen. It's a safety issue.

 

2) Even if you don't consider #1 above to be a factor, there is one more reason you should divorce him, and it's the fact that you don't love him. Cheating in it of itself is such a sign. It's wrong to be with someone you don't love. It's not fair to him. Let him find someone who will love him. You should also find someone who you will love. Maybe your xOM may be your true love??? If he tries to contact your H, it means he doesn't love you. Maybe you can find another man who you will legitimately love and him love you back??? The point is that you don't love your current H and you should divorce him. It's the honest thing to do.

[bentnotbroken]

First, your xOM holds the cards here. If he ever even threatens to tell your H about the two of you, then we can conclude that the OM doesn't love you, and problems beyond imagination will arrive. We can also conclude that you don't love your husband. A person that cheats DOES NOT love their spouse. Don't feel bad about it. Many people fall out of love with their partners. You should have left your H though.

 

But there is a problem of IMMEDIATE concern here:

 

 

 

 

 

Your current H sounds like a nut who's bound to explode any moment now, and it could end BAD. Notice what I highlighted above^^^

 

You should divorce your current H. There are two reasons why:

 

1) He's a potential BOMB waiting to go off. Any man would get angry at such a situation, but not to these levels (the ones I highlighted). If I was in his shoes, I'd question my wife and get upset, but I would never have it in me to flip over a table or nearly crash a car. Such acts aren't in me. Only men who are ready to get REALLY violent have it in them to do those things. I'm sure plenty of people here can tell you that. What else could he get angry at in the future??? It's a disaster waiting to happen. It's a safety issue.

 

2) Even if you don't consider #1 above to be a factor, there is one more reason you should divorce him, and it's the fact that you don't love him. Cheating in it of itself is such a sign. It's wrong to be with someone you don't love. It's not fair to him. Let him find someone who will love him. You should also find someone who you will love. Maybe your xOM may be your true love??? If he tries to contact your H, it means he doesn't love you. Maybe you can find another man who you will legitimately love and him love you back??? The point is that you don't love your current H and you should divorce him. It's the honest thing to do.

 

Her husband isn 't a nut job, just a man in pain. She has been gas lighting him and lying to him. Who give painful information to someone while they are driving? She has not displayed the best judgement in any of her decision thus far. And we agree she should divorce him rather than continue to eat away at his life and self esteem. She is wasting his time and hers.

[y2k]

Her husband isn 't a nut job, just a man in pain. She has been gas lighting him and lying to him. Who give painful information to someone while they are driving? She has not displayed the best judgement in any of her decision thus far.

 

It could be. This is also a possibility. But what I said is also another possibility. There is no way to tell for sure until the moment comes.

 

And we agree she should divorce him rather than continue to eat away at his life and self esteem. She is wasting his time and hers.

 

Without question. This is the best conclusion we can make so far.

[brethybew]

Download The Movie The AniMen: Triton Force The Princess and the Frog Movie To Buy Eric & Ernie Dvd Download watch the whole Drive Angry 3D film download divx Road Train full lenght Cut Official Trailer Full Film Of The Final Online Cross film picture Watch Airline Disaster Film Stream watch full version of the The Penguins of Madagascar - Operation - DVD Premiere IMAX: Hubble 3D movie full hd Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang Movie In Hd when can i buy the Never Let Me Go movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 The Film High Quality Star Wars: Episode I- A New Hope movie synopsis Watch Film Of Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief Buy Dark Relic Movie High Quality film The Bannen Way Coach Film Watch Film Gnomeo & Juliet film cinema Watch The Entire Film Of Kushti online When in Rome Movie Download Blogspot Mega Python vs. Gatoroid Movie On Line The Big Bang Dvds Download American Bandits: Frank and Jesse James Film In Hd Quality Buy Travellers Film On Dvd Jack and the Beanstalk Movie Premiere Download Knight and Day Movie Ipod Where Can I Download The William & Kate Trailer Download The Switch Movie In Dvd Quality Download The Extraordinary Measures Online Dvd The Dark Lurking Download quality My Family's Secret Watch The Entire Movie Of Source Code buy Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster movie online

[y2k]

y2k, I don't see where you get that her H is a nutjob, he sounds more like someone who knows his W is cheating but doesn't want to admit it to himself. Most people get angry in situations like this. If you were driving and your SO was talking about cheating on you, you would probably lose control too

 

I wouldn't lose control. I'd get angry beyond belief, but I wouldn't lose control. I wouldn't flip over a table or almost crash a car. I have more of a brain than that. I would not wreck my life (by dying or killing someone either on purpose or by accident) only for a woman who cheated on me. Life goes on and in such a situation, I'd make sure it goes on without her.

 

Sure I might yell and curse, but at that point, my reaction would be separation and divorce ASAP with class. I personally wouldn't have it in me to get violent towards a woman unless my life was in immediate danger. Women can come and go. My life can only go once.

 

But as I did recognize, maybe he's not a nut, and that we won't know for sure until the time comes when he finds out either way.

 

But it was concluded that she should divorce him.

[ladyinlimbo]

Weeds,

 

I feel very sorry for your husband. If he didn't suspect anything previously, he sure does now. Bringing up a hypothetical situation of "what if I cheated") then not long after than bringing up how if she cheated that you wouldn't want to know. And you bring the latter up while the poor man is behind the wheel and obviously not really in a proper/safe situation to even be processing such a statement? Not too sharp on your part.

 

Why is it that you say you "CAN'T" tell him?

 

Are you afraid you'll lose some lavish lifestyle?

 

That he'll physically harm you?

 

That there's a pre-nup and it has an infidelity clause?

 

Do you have children and you're fearful he'll try to take your children?

 

What is it?

 

You have planted the seeds now, so to speak. Spouses don't bring up the topic of cheating twice within a relatively short period of time unless there's more to it and he knows this, he's not stupid. Would you rather he find out from digging or finding proof?

 

You need to put HIS NEEDS for the TRUTH ahead of your needs to continue the lie. You can claim that if the tables were turned and he was cheating that you wouldn't want to know....but I don't think, if that's how you really feel, that you're really in the best objective position to really know how you'd feel......considering you're the one whose had an affair. I think you're claiming you wouldn't want to know is nothing more than projection....and a way to justify not telling him, it's a way for you to resolve in your mind that keeping the truth from him isn't so wrong.

[whichwayisup]

Your current H sounds like a nut who's bound to explode any moment now, and it could end BAD. Notice what I highlighted above^^^

Her H isn't a "nut". He's a man who feels 'something hasn't been right' for a while.

And, I think the OP has exaggerated (nearly FLIPPED the table and nearly CRASHED the car) his reaction. He's upset, curious as to WTF is really going on. I'm betting he's probably been suspicious for a while and her bringing up affairs is just confirming in his mind that she's up to no good. And, things are mulling in his head as to her past behaviour, it's all making sense.

 

He's not nuts at all. He's a man who's realizing his wife has been cheating on him!

[ladyinlimbo]

Her H isn't a "nut". He's a man who feels 'something hasn't been right' for a while.

And, I think the OP has exaggerated (nearly FLIPPED the table and nearly CRASHED the car) his reaction. He's upset, curious as to WTF is really going on. I'm betting he's probably been suspicious for a while and her bringing up affairs is just confirming in his mind that she's up to no good. And, things are mulling in his head as to her past behaviour, it's all making sense.

 

He's not nuts at all. He's a man who's realizing his wife has been cheating on him!

 

I agree. Could also be total embellishment/exaggeration on her part in describing his behavior -- to give the appearance here that he's a nut so as to gain some sympathy and maybe take some of the focus on her lies.

[TMCM]

I wouldn't lose control. I'd get angry beyond belief, but I wouldn't lose control. I wouldn't flip over a table or almost crash a car. I have more of a brain than that. I would not wreck my life (by dying or killing someone either on purpose or by accident) only for a woman who cheated on me. Life goes on and in such a situation, I'd make sure it goes on without her.

 

You may be right as far as not losing control but until you cross that bridge you really don't know what you're going to do.

[TurningTables]

I felt similar to you when I came here but I've grown to respect and admire people like bent and others who tell it like it is. Yes sometimes she adds a little vinegar with it, but under that is a very wonderful lady. As for her reply to you, I don't see it as being disrespectful she was just being blunt with her truth just as she sees it. That's her way.

 

 

Welcome to LS and I hope you hang around.

 

Thank you BB07. I think I will stick around. Ive learned alot so far.

[TurningTables]

Little people? Come on don't be so dramatic. I wasn't being unkind, I didn't call you a name. I asked if all this grief because of OM is worth it?

 

And with all do respect I don't buy the "mistakes" line or the "it just happened" line. A mistake is something one-off, something you do from a misunderstanding or through carelessness. You *knew* you had a husband didn't you? This guy you knew for half your life - since late teens - knew you were married too didn't he? Right?.

 

You missed understood me yellowshark. I was not being dramatic. I was being truthful. Its easy to sit and judge people for what they are doing wrong, however, its a whole different story when its yourself you have to look in the mirror at. People who live in glass houses dont throw stones. I believe that ANY kind of cheating is sign/symptom that something is seriously wrong with the relationship. Sometimes its 95% the person that cheats, sometimes its 50/50 and so forth. Some just handle things differently and that is what makes us human.

[ShatteredReality]

I am interesting in finding out why you CAN'T tell your husband OP. Is he abusive or would he be? I think that's where things begin to get gray...saying he nearly flipped a table and nearly crashed the car is causing confusion...not just in me - from what I have read others aren't sure what you mean.

 

As I said before...My H has never been physical in the past...but when I had my DDay I thought for sure he'd put me through a wall...he did throw things and do some terrible things in the days after - but he never laid a finger on me. I was shocked. So...apart from knowing he may leave...or knowing he may freak out and go verbally ballistic...and perhaps even throw things...what will he do to YOU that makes you say you CANNOT tell him?

 

You're giving OM all the power - he's holding all the chips...by having this secret to hold over your head it's only a matter of time before the A is going full swing again...

[Breezy Trousers]

Weeds, maybe you can get into therapy with your husband -- with NC, of course -- and create a safe space to tell him the truth there?

 

I believe that ANY kind of cheating is sign/symptom that something is seriously wrong with the relationship. Sometimes its 95% the person that cheats, sometimes its 50/50 and so forth. Some just handle things differently and that is what makes us human.

 

TT, I remember the days when I used to believe that, too. Now that I have experience under my belt, I laugh at that. Here's the truth:

 

Cheating is a sign/symptom that something is seriously wrong with the cheater, not with the relationship.

 

A BS is responsible for choices in the marriage but is never responsible for a spouse's choices made outside the marriage.

 

Of course, while discussing this, I'm pretending to side with the illusion that cheating is motivated by the marriage. Apparently, many experts are now agreeing with my direct experience -- many happily married people are tempted to cheat for "new" sex, for excitement, for flings, but not for new relationships. I was one.

 

There are lots of reasons people like to refer the cheater's behavior back on the BS and the marriage:

 

1) If you're an OW/OM, you can justify your intrusion on a couple's marriage by telling yourself the story that the BS "made" the spouse cheat. This twisted storytelling conveniently makes you look like a social worker, not a thief.

 

2) If you're the MM/MW, it's pretty obvious. You can tell yourself it's BS' fault you are now a liar and a manipulator. You can also manipulate your AP into doing what you want by playing the pity card. This will cause AP to be inspired to fawn over you, showing you how superior he/she is to BS -- and further catering to you. (It's good to be king!!!!)

 

3) If you're observing a marriage pitched into crisis by cheating, assigning a percentage of the blame on BS is code for: Cheating will never happen in your marriage! You'll have better control over things. In fact, you're kinda like God. You will know what your partner is doing at all times and under all circumstances. You know who you married! Can't happen here!

 

I remember when I used to believe #1 and #3. Life has a rude way of waking us up.

[weedsandposies]

H IS NOT A NUT JOB. And regardless of what you guys are reading I don't want to talk about him here, just please trust me when I tell you telling him is not something I can do. He has never been physically abusive however telling him about A might push him, as with any man, over the edge. I would no longer have control over the situation.

 

My take on not telling H is that the M would be over anyway. So why would I go the selfish route and destroy everything good we ever lived and all the nice memories for him when I could just walk away? The end result is the same.

 

Also, most of A happened while we were separated and promptly ended when things got better with us. So there's no guilt eating away at me. I'm able to sleep at night.

 

OM has been contacting me every single day. Last night I told him I'm away and will call when I get back in a couple of weeks. Things are going to get ugly with him, I can feel this. My presumption has always been I could easily walk away from A with no repurcusions, against the advice of some friends I confided in.

 

So my game plan is to tell OM I'm pregnant when I get back. And hope he doesn't lose it and just stays away from me. What are your opinions?

Edited May 23, 2011 by weedsandposies

[ladydesigner]

H IS NOT A NUT JOB. And regardless of what you guys are reading I don't want to talk about him here, just please trust me when I tell you telling him is not something I can do. He has never been physically abusive however telling him about A might push him, as with any man, over the edge. I would no longer have control over the situation.

 

My take on not telling H is that the M would be over anyway. So why would I go the selfish route and destroy everything good we ever lived and all the nice memories for him when I could just walk away? The end result is the same.

 

Also, most of A happened while we were separated and promptly ended when things got better with us. So there's no guilt eating away at me. I'm able to sleep at night.

 

OM has been contacting me every single day. Last night I told him I'm away and will call when I get back in a couple of weeks. Things are going to get ugly with him, I can feel this. My presumption has always been I could easily walk away from A with no repurcusions, against the advice of some friends I confided in.

 

So my game plan is to tell him I'm pregnant when I get back. And hope he doesn't lose it and just stays away from me. What are your opinions?

 

You said this one right. I am not even going to take the risk of telling and have something physically bad happen to me either. My kids would lose their mother, my parents lose a daughter. People can say what they will, but you never know.

 

This is probably my #1 reason for not telling.

[TurningTables]

Weeds, maybe you can get into therapy with your husband -- with NC, of course -- and create a safe space to tell him the truth there?

 

 

 

TT, I remember the days when I used to believe that, too. Now that I have experience under my belt, I laugh at that. Here's the truth:

 

Cheating is a sign/symptom that something is seriously wrong with the cheater, not with the relationship.

 

A BS is responsible for choices in the marriage but is never responsible for a spouse's choices made outside the marriage.

 

Of course, while discussing this, I'm pretending to side with the illusion that cheating is motivated by the marriage. Apparently, many experts are now agreeing with my direct experience -- many happily married people are tempted to cheat for "new" sex, for excitement, for flings, but not for new relationships. I was one.

 

There are lots of reasons people like to refer the cheater's behavior back on the BS and the marriage:

 

1) If you're an OW/OM, you can justify your intrusion on a couple's marriage by telling yourself the story that the BS "made" the spouse cheat. This twisted storytelling conveniently makes you look like a social worker, not a thief.

 

2) If you're the MM/MW, it's pretty obvious. You can tell yourself it's BS' fault you are now a liar and a manipulator. You can also manipulate your AP into doing what you want by playing the pity card. This will cause AP to be inspired to fawn over you, showing you how superior he/she is to BS -- and further catering to you. (It's good to be king!!!!)

 

3) If you're observing a marriage pitched into crisis by cheating, assigning a percentage of the blame on BS is code for: Cheating will never happen in your marriage! You'll have better control over things. In fact, you're kinda like God. You will know what your partner is doing at all times and under all circumstances. You know who you married! Can't happen here!

 

I remember when I used to believe #1 and #3. Life has a rude way of waking us up.

 

 

Hi Breezy. You made some excellent points and I agree with some of them. It just seems that alot of BS on here rip apart an OW/OM. It almost feels as though since they have no control over what happen to them: they can tear someone else apart to make themselves feel better. I think that sometimes ( not always) that the BS does have something to do with the cheating. I am not saying that there is not people out there that are just totally selfish and dont care who they hurt..because unfortuntately, there are very many out there like that. My point is, you know when something isnt right, inside. Its up to that person to make changes. Most of the time, fear keeps this from happening. You make one wrong turn and then they all turn into wrong ones too.

 

I also have a quick question for anyone to answer: Ive seen on here that many say that affairs ( either emotional or physical/and or both) are not real. That they feelings are a "fog" and what that person is experiencing isnt reality? Any thoughts to that?

[ladyinlimbo]

H IS NOT A NUT JOB. And regardless of what you guys are reading I don't want to talk about him here, just please trust me when I tell you telling him is not something I can do. He has never been physically abusive however telling him about A might push him, as with any man, over the edge. I would no longer have control over the situation.

 

My take on not telling H is that the M would be over anyway. So why would I go the selfish route and destroy everything good we ever lived and all the nice memories for him when I could just walk away? The end result is the same.

 

Also, most of A happened while we were separated and promptly ended when things got better with us. So there's no guilt eating away at me. I'm able to sleep at night.

 

OM has been contacting me every single day. Last night I told him I'm away and will call when I get back in a couple of weeks. Things are going to get ugly with him, I can feel this. My presumption has always been I could easily walk away from A with no repurcusions, against the advice of some friends I confided in.

 

So my game plan is to tell OM I'm pregnant when I get back. And hope he doesn't lose it and just stays away from me. What are your opinions?

 

While some of you find ways to justify not admitting your A to your H.....as you do, weeds, in claiming essentially that you're just trying to protect him from unnecessary hurt and that it would be better for you to just walk away than to tell him and it be over with being even more hurt.................but the thing you and others who have this mindset seem to forget is...............the OM/MM could just as easily tell your H, and that's not something you have any control over.............now what do you think would be worse.........you telling your H about things from your perspective, or a nutty, vengeful MM/OM telling your H and putting his spin on it, most likely with the intention of busting up your marriage so they can resume their A with you? Seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

In your case, Weeds, your MM or OM (can't remember now which he is) is clearly contacting you on a regular basis. He's obviously not going away now is he?

 

Your first mistake, I think, was to acknowledge his recent contact and tell him you'd get back to him when you were back in town. You're leading him on. Now you plan to tell him a lie, that you're pregnant.

 

I still don't understand why you can't tell your H. Wouldn't life be so much simpler if you didn't have to keep secrets and tell lies?

[BB07]

H IS NOT A NUT JOB. And regardless of what you guys are reading I don't want to talk about him here, just please trust me when I tell you telling him is not something I can do. He has never been physically abusive however telling him about A might push him, as with any man, over the edge. I would no longer have control over the situation.

 

My take on not telling H is that the M would be over anyway. So why would I go the selfish route and destroy everything good we ever lived and all the nice memories for him when I could just walk away? The end result is the same.

 

Also, most of A happened while we were separated and promptly ended when things got better with us. So there's no guilt eating away at me. I'm able to sleep at night.

 

OM has been contacting me every single day. Last night I told him I'm away and will call when I get back in a couple of weeks. Things are going to get ugly with him, I can feel this. My presumption has always been I could easily walk away from A with no repurcusions, against the advice of some friends I confided in.

 

So my game plan is to tell OM I'm pregnant when I get back. And hope he doesn't lose it and just stays away from me. What are your opinions?

 

Pregnant uh? Manipulative much?? I think it's a crazy idea and this is all gonna blow up in your face. When OM finds out that isn't true, he is going to be that much more pissed off and your husband will hear all about it.

 

I also think you are just covering your own ass by not telling your husband since you refuse to give a good reason here. You have no problem airing the rest of it, so I'm not buying it.