Should i give my girlfriend another chance?

[Alan Guillermo]

Ok im going to try and make this short, although it might be hard.. by the way were both 19 years old..

 

I've been with my Girlfriend for almost 2 Years now. We were talking for about 6 months before that. I love her to death and with all my heart, i can not see myself without her. She seemed like the perfect girl, she spends the weekend at my house every other week or so, she used to stay for up to a week but she got a job so only weekends are sleep over time

 

From when we started talking she always had guy friends, not a lot a lot, but a few, i was well aware of that, i know she's a cool person and really easy to get along with, she used to have little get togethers at her house and invite all her friends including guys.. this was before we got together. Even my guy friends say shes a cool person to talk to.. She used to always have a 3 way conversation with her 2 guy friends she used to go to school with. It used to be the 3 of them + another girl, but shes no longer friends with that girl, so her guy friends call her and the other girl separately now. She would always tell me about her guy friends and stuff when we started talking, she said how her group of friends is just her and another girl friend and like 3-4 guys. I didn't care much back then.

 

Shes always invited me to go meet her friends and stuff but i simply refused too. i just dont want to. shes met all my friends however..

 

So fast forward about a year and a half, everything is going good from what i know. Then one day i come home from school and shes texting, i ask who it is and i try to peek over to see and she kinda moves the phone, i freak and overreact, she said it was her guy friend from from school and they were just talking about school and i could even see the messages if i like, i refused to view them and just ignored her, . We were best friends before we got together, i always told her im probably the MOST JEALOUS GUY you will ever meet blah blah, i told her how with my EX i wouldn't let her talk to any guys and so on. She said she pulled away the phone as a reaction because she knows how i am, she knows i can go crazy over such a small thing.

 

Im not going to lie, im hard headed, extremely jealous person, and i absolutely HATE when guys to or text my girlfriend. I have always been like that and i know it sucks, i wish i could change, im just such an insecure person.

 

So after that incident like i said i ignored her the the rest of the night, and she wouldn't stop crying saying shes sorry and kept asking if i was going to leave her, i said NO just leave me alone okay.. I got over that incident pretty fast wasn't a HUGE deal to me.. i Don't blame her, she knows how i am when i get mad, i get fierce.

 

Several months go by and everything is good, she still always comes to my house to visit me every other week and we spend the whole weekend together everytime and its just great.

 

I forgot to add she lives about an Hour and A half away from me, i used to ALWAYS drive to her and pick her up and bring her back to my house for the weekend or even for a week. It was always me going to her, Then she finally got a job and a car, and now SHE always comes to me no matter what, i do not even bother going to where she lives anymore, i know this might seem wrong but the reason i don't is because im just SO USED to having her come over and having her sleep over for a few days. So driving all the way to her to see her for just one day or something feels like its not worth it? I would rather wait a week and have her just come for the weekend and sleep over, rather than wasting gas and driving 200 miles in a day just so i could see her for a a few hours..

 

And i know it kills her knowing i don't drive to her anymore to just hangout for a day or so.. but ive been meaning to lately..

 

I would also like to add that SHE HAS ALWAYS GIVEN me her passwords to her FACE BOOK, Myspace, EMAIL, and let me check her phone whenever i want, she would always log in to facebook in front of me and show me pictures and whats going on with her friends and stuff. i could literally grab her phone out of her purse without her permission and she wont say anything, because she knows how insecure i am. She has never gotten defensive towards me about a guy..

 

so let me get to the point. So fast forward to 2 weeks ago, i decide for the very first time i want to log in to her facebook... i don't have a facebook by the way..

 

and i notice comments from guys and stuff, not often, but from a few months ago and what not. it upset me, but what really made me mad is a post she had on her facebook... about 6 months ago she went to a Skate park with her sisters and her sisters friends, at least thats what she told me, she said she was taking them, shes into skating and cars and stuff which i could see why guys talk to her a lot but still.. but anyways i saw one of her posts and i noticed she DIDNT JUST GO WITH HER sister and her sisters friends to the skate park, she also went with 3 of her guy friends from high school ( she graduated under a year ago ) , it was the guy friends she would always hang out with at school and stuff and have get togethers with them and her girlfriends as well. So basically these are friends i knew about. But for some reason i had in my mind that she completely stop communication with them, well because she knows how i am. So that really upset me, she basically lied to me about going to the skate park with just her sisters and her sisters friends? because she never mentioned her guy friends going, i think its because she knew i would freak and i just not talk to her.. which i probably would.. but still, should she have told me she was going with her guy friends anyway? if she did then like i said i know i would get mad and ignore her yeah.. thats how i am

 

so after that a lot of arguing starts, im calling her a liar and telling her how she could hide things from me.. she said she never meant to, and she never told me because she knew exactly how i would react.. Crazy..

 

At this point im just furious...

 

I also checked her messages on facebook and saw this guy giving his number to her, and this guy was a guy she kinda of went out with for a week or two like over 2 years ago, all they did was kiss once but still it pisses me off. And in the message the guys giving his number to her and saying you should hit me up blah blah and she responds saying yeah i will...

this message was from 6 months ago keep that in mind..

 

So i confronted her about that and she SAID SHE NEVER EVEN TEXTED HIM. and that he DOESNT EVEN HAVE HER NUMBER BECAUSE THEY NEVER TEXTED. im just LIKE BS!! of course you did! I made her swear to me shes not lying about ever texting him even if it was once .. I said you can be honest and tell me that you did text him ,i would rather have you BE HONEST NOW then to find out your LYING later... so she swore on her baby brothers life.. so i guess i believed her.. I just wanted her to come clean about EVERYTHING!

 

Few days later she comes over, i tell her to give me her phone, and she hands it over no questions asked , i text the guy who gave her his number, and what do you know, He DOES have her number. I texted him saying Hey! and he responded saying Hey Whats up So obviously he DOES HAVE HER NUMBER and they HAVE TEXTED! I caught her lying again. This time i freaked, went crazy in front of her, didn't hit her though i would never do that, i started punching the wall and just yelling and cursing non stopped.. boy was i pissed..... She said she was so sorry and she didnt want to tell me because she knew exactly how i would react and she didn't want that.. she kept claiming i would never understand because im so hard headed. she also said i can check her phone bills to see that they only texted like twice throughout those months and not even for a whole day..

 

She eventually started crying and telling me SHE WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ME blah blah and that she has never even come to close to cheating.. So im just mad cussing at her telling her to shut up and leave me alone.. i eventually told her to get the **** out and leave and go home and i pushed her out my door... Then my mom comes out and starts talking to her outside my house for about 30 min.. My mom was just saying give him time, when he gets mad he gets mad blah blah, and she kept telling my mom that she didn't even really do anything wrong, i think she was referring to cheating because i feel that she did something wrong by still talking to her guy friends and knowing that i was a really jealous guy. I used to tell her that when i was with my EX everyone pretty much knew not to talk to my girl.... so i thought i gave her enough clues to know that she SHOULDNT TALK TO GUYS! because i hate it! i guess it wasnt enough to convince her...

 

What really pissed me off is that she swore on her baby brothers life and lied yet again! after i begged her to come clean, i just wanted to know if she texted that guy or not! even if it was once. but then again she kept saying she was scared of my reaction, she said she knew i wouldn't give her a chance to explain and i would just go off on her and start cursing and so on..because thats how i am when i get mad..

 

So at this point i dont even know if i can trust her and it sucks. im heartbroken. She keeps telling me shes willing to give up communication with all guys just for me, and she said she already told a guy from work who texted her to stop texting her, and he hasnt texted her since.

 

Shes willing to have me check her phone bills EVERYDAY to make sure shes not texting guys, and she doesn't have a problem with me looking through her old phone statements to check if she ever texted any other guys BESIDES ME all day long. or at least texted another guy everyday for a certain amount of time.. because i will not put up with that. Theres only guy she has to text everyday and all day and thats me.. i mean i get that her old guy friends text her randomly, and i checked a few bills and saw that those conversations dont even last that long and she ignores lots of their calls and texts sometimes.. but im still mad..

 

she told me she has texted her guy friends occasionally ( same ones from high school she always hung out with ) when we were together, not an everyday thing, but maybe once once a month. once every 2 months, or even twice a month.. just random, and i noticed they always text her and call her first as well.. I think my girlfriend is sometimes to nice to ignore people, she has a big heart, and i kinda dont like that at times.. shes too nice. she even gave her Leader who is a guy from work a ride home once, and that pissed me off. Im just glad she at least told me about it. i told her never to do it again and she said ok i wont... he also said that hes been texting her lately and that they talk about me and stuff, which i think is bullcrap, she said to check her phonebills and she can prove that its always him texting her first and that she started ignoring him the last 2 weeks until she finally just told him dont text me..

 

she also said that they still do call her randomly at night sometimes, sometimes pretty damn late, but i can't seem to imagine what kind of guys like to 3 way a girl at night? i mean i get that they were friends for a long time but i just cant seem to understand.. She said she DOESNT ALWAYS pick up but she does sometimes, but she said she hasn't talk to them much these last few months and she keeps on insisting i check her phone bill to prove it.

 

I don' want to have to check her damn phone bills everyday, thats not comforting at all knowing i have to do that

 

She already deleted her facebook she said she did it to prove to me she doesnt need to talk to anyone else besides me and her 2 girlfriends which she can easily text. she also deleted every single MALE phone number from her phone book except for mine of course and whoever is family..

 

what do you guys suggest i do. im seriously confused.

 

am i a pshyco jealous boy friend?

 

or is my GF just playing games with me and lying to me?

 

should i give her another chance? Or do you guys think im the bad one? am i being to nice by giving her another chance? I always tell her that she shouldn't be with me, im such a controlling boyfriend who gets super jeaous and stuff and i tell her you deserve better, i also tell her wouldnt she want someone who isnt jealous lets you hang out with guys blah blah

 

and she always just says im the only guy she needs and shes ready to give up everything for me.. even talking to her girlfriends, but i would never make her do that, thats wrong.

 

She texts me everyday, saying how much she loves me and she promises she wont ever talk to a guy ever again, and she has the bills to prove it from now on and blah blah, she says she loves me so much and cant lose me and all this stuff.. shes always written me cards, bought me little gifts, makes me all this cute stuff like drawings and stuff, she said all she talks about with her girlfriends is me, and shes absolutely crazy about me.. she said shes been depressed these last few weeks and claims to have lost weight since we started fighting..

 

She says she never realized how serious i actually was when i told her i was a jealous person. She says she will never let it happen again.. she says she knows she messed up and shes so sorry but she knows it can be different and things can go back to the way they used to be.. even better..

 

she also said shes going to quit her job and find a new one, and i think its because im bothered by that guy at work who always asks her for rides, i dont care if thats her Leader at work i just dont...

 

 

what should i do? i need some opinions...

[ramathorne]

what should i do? i need some opinions

 

Get some therapy. You have serious issues dude.

[Alan Guillermo]

i know i do, but did you read the first 3 paragraphs and come up with that, or did you take the time to read my very long essay?

 

just curious as to what made you think that..

 

i just want someone to put theirself in my shoes, and after being together for that long, do you guys think what she did was right or wrong? like the way she handled it by lying to me..

 

am i the victim?

[ramathorne]

I read the whole thing. You show absolutely no trust in her. You are very lucky that she still even wants you. Most girls would have been running long ago.

[homebrew]

You asked so I will tell you... You are a psycho jealous boyfriend! A future wife beater in the making!

 

Jealousy is a complete waste of time! There is NOTHING you can say or do that is going to prevent someone from cheating on you. All you can do is be the best person you and be and treat your partner to the best of your ability.

 

Any women that dates you is going to end up feeling like they are in prison. What does every prisoner want to do? That's right, they want to escape from prison!

 

You think it is completely justified and entirely your right to go through your GF's phone, email, text messages, FB, etc. Do you know how sick and twisted that is?

 

I have met guys like you... You are controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive to the women you date.

 

There isn't a women (Not even a screwed up one) in the world that is going to deal with you and your behavior for the long term.

 

Go get some professional help!

Edited May 20, 2011 by homebrew

[Alan Guillermo]

Ok i really appreciate your guys help a lot, this is helping, and its the closest ill get to profesional help

 

 

but honestly.. i know im a crazy physco boyfriend but do you think that gave her the right to lie to me about talking to guys and texting them? or at least hiding the fact that she went out with them once?

 

i mean it seems like every girl uses the same old excuse for lying.. I DIDNT WANT TO HURT YOU, i knew how you would react.. blah blah.. Thats your typical excuse..

 

Was she better off lying to me or should she have told me the truth from the start no matter how i wouldve reacted?

 

i just wished she would have told me, but at the same time i can understand why she didnt, because i told her how i am and about my past and how im super jealous...

 

but at the same time i feel like im being too nice by giving her another chance? i mean what if all along she lied because she in fact was hiding something, its hard for me to believe because when were together its just perfect and she always tells me sweet things and makes me cute stuff, could it all be a cover up? or am i just to controlling and to much of a physco for my girlfriend to be able to tell me that she talks to guys and occasionaly has gone out with her guy friends...

 

i just cant see what girl would drive an hour and a half almost every weekend to see someone shes secretly playing with.. unless she really not playing me.. ugh i just dont know! i know i messed up by being how i am but its just hard to trust her now, like what if im the victim here as welll...

 

she does anything and everything to prove she loves me... she has 2 classes a day. one at 8 am, one at 730 pm.. her school is an hour and 10 minutes from my house, shes actually came to my house right after her first class and stayed until her other class started. shes done it twice now... i know its something that i wouldnt do so often

Edited May 20, 2011 by Alan Guillermo

[homebrew]

Dude... You do not create a safe environment for a women to breath... much less be honest with you.

 

In a way... You make women lie and cheat on you due to your own screwed up behavior!

[Alan Guillermo]

Dude... You do not create a safe environment for a women to breath... much less be honest with you.

 

In a way... You make women lie and cheat on you due to your own screwed up behavior!

 

 

Do you really think thats why she lied about those certain things

 

Because of how she knows how i am or how i will react?

 

I mean this is seriously my only problem with my girlfriends, i hate it when they communicate with guys..

 

Would you lie to your loved one honestly?

 

i mean i seriously thought if you LOVE someone you DON't LIE TO THEM. no Matter what

[homebrew]

Dude... You are a complete Psycho and Scary!

 

I am not going to be able to reason with you.

 

For future reference... You MAKE All women want to lie and cheat on you... This will continue to happen to you until you get professional help!

 

Read this post again by Ladyinlimbo:

 

Holy $h1t young man, you are a wife-beater in the making!!

 

1. You clearly have anger issues and though you don't hit her at this point, I suspect some day you will.

 

2. Your mother is an enabler. What kind of guy boots his girlfriend out at night and is as rageful as you were, then his Mom tries to justify this ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR like your Mom did?

 

3. This young woman is not your PROPERTY and your jealousy issues are YOUR ISSUES. This poor girl feels no choice but to offer to let you see her phone bill? That's screwed up! And you think you have the right to just grab her phone and snoop through it any time you dang well please, just because she let's you? She's probably scared $h1tless to defy you as you've explained quite articulately how "unglued" you come.

 

4. She's offered, way back, to let you meet her friends but you "refused to"? Well who the heck are you? Too good to make the time to take an interest in HER LIFE? then you cry like a baby because she hasn't yet seen fit to break off ALL contact with any male friend she had before you came into the picture?

 

5. You expect her to drive to you constantly because what I'm really reading between the lines is that that's how you'll get laid; because when she spends the weekend with you, you 'get some' but if you actually have to get off your duff to go see her, you can only spend the day with her (I take it that her family isn't as liberal about "sleepovers" as your family apparently is). Do you at least give the poor girl gas money? I'm guess you don't. You come across as someone who thinks he's the King and she has to conform to all of your rules, and how she's just so lucky to have someone like you -- and that even if you yell and curse her out, kick her out of your home after she's driven 200 miles to see you, demand to snoop through her phone and phone bills, she just needs to suck it up because you have "jealousy and anger issues" and that's just the way it is.

 

6. You are stressing her out to the point where she's losing weight because of you. That's SICK!

 

7. You're abusing her so badly and making her so insecure that she's about to quit her freaking job because of your psychotic "issue" with her giving a ride to one of her supervisors at work. Do you also try to dictate and control what she wears? What music she listens to? What food she eats?

 

Holy $h1t on a popsicle stick.

 

This poor girl is going to be a mess for the rest of her life because she's young and impressionable and is learning about relationships....and what she's learning from you is that it's "okay" for a guy to verbally abuse her. It's "okay" for a guy to try and control and ISOLATE HER. That it's totally "okay" for relationships to be a complete one-way street where the guy makes all of the rules. That it's "okay" for a guy to make her cry and make her scared (when you're going off on her).....that that means she just has to apologize more. What a total crock. This young girl is going to go from one abusive relationship (and that, my friend, is what your relationship now is) to another, to another, to another.

 

Your issues with jealousy and anger are YOUR ISSUES - be a man and OWN THEM. You do not have any right in this world to control her and dictate to her like you do.

 

You do not have any right to raise your voice to her, to curse her out, to exhibit VIOLENT behavior (punching walls, etc) in her presence and no doubt scaring the crap out of her. You have no right to be checking up on her online, and she shouldn't have to delete her facebook all because of your controlling, jealous, angry, abusive issues.

 

I feel very sorry for this young woman. It's no wonder she keeps things from you; you don't trust her anyway, you just want to control. I hope for her sake that she will soon find someone in her life that she can confide in, to tell them about this dangerous and abusive relationship she's in..........and give her the guidance and courage to get the he11 out of it.

 

What you can do.............is get yourself into some counseling to help you deal with your issues of jealous, anger and control........before you end up one day end up escalating and beating the crap out of some poor woman, or killing her. I am as serious as a heart attack.

 

As for whether you should "give her a second chance" -- yeah, give her a second chance at a normal, happy life.......and leave her alone. I am not kidding.

[betterdeal]

i mean i seriously thought if you LOVE someone you DON't LIE TO THEM. no Matter what

 

I have a friend whose mother was a drunkard when she was a child. The mother would come home, drunk, and scream at her child about something or other. If the child told the mother the truth, she got beaten senseless. If she lied, she might avoid the senseless beating and her mother in her drunking stupor would probably forget it by the time she woke up.

 

Do you think that 7 year old child didn't love her mother, or that she be beaten senseless so that she could say she told the truth and loved her mother?

 

Which is it?

[betterdeal]

Given how upset you are, why do you have a girlfriend at all? It clearly causes you great distress, so why do you do it?

[Alan Guillermo]

Dude... You are a complete Psycho and Scary!

 

I am not going to be able to reason with you.

 

For future reference... You MAKE All women want to lie and cheat on you... This will continue to happen to you until you get professional help!

 

As for whether you should "give her a second chance" -- yeah, give her a second chance at a normal, happy life.......and leave her alone. I am not kidding.

 

Thats why i mentioned im Hard Headed!

 

Its hard to convince me of anything, and my GF especially knows that

 

I guess your right, i do need help, but if i let her go.. i kid you not i will not be the only one hurting..

 

She loves me, and i know you guys might imagine were ALWAYS fighting and stuff but we really don't, that was the first time she saw me go off and punch a wall and what not..

 

When were not fighting, we couldn't be happier, we seriously just lay in bed all day and just watch tv, go out to eat WHEREVER she wants, i always let her choose, and she knows i do not like fast food.. and after that come back home and cuddle some more, we can seriously lay in bed together a whole day, i mean have before, and just watch tv, cuddle, or watch movies...

 

its not always horrible

 

just really when it comes to guys seriously

 

I have a friend whose mother was a drunkard when she was a child. The mother would come home, drunk, and scream at her child about something or other. If the child told the mother the truth, she got beaten senseless. If she lied, she might avoid the senseless beating and her mother in her drunking stupor would probably forget it by the time she woke up.

 

Do you think that 7 year old child didn't love her mother, or that she be beaten senseless so that she could say she told the truth and loved her mother?

 

Which is it?

 

 

This is good example im not going to lie, but what you need to Realize is my GF knows i WONT HIT HER. And i know i will never hit her. So even if she lied to me, i would just go off and hit something else, but not here, maybe throw a couple of things here and there, and some cursing is bound to happen

 

i am just a complete pshyco when i get mad. i really am.. but never enough to hit a lady... just never... i know my limits trust me

 

 

and your RIGHT. if i was that child i would lie rather then get beat!

[Alan Guillermo]

Given how upset you are, why do you have a girlfriend at all? It clearly causes you great distress, so why do you do it?

 

I ask myself this everyday seriously. You have no idea how hard it is to just let go, especially if its for the BEST and not because you don't love each other anymore..

 

But im starting to realize it was me all along with the problems, i caused her to lie and so on..

 

unless someone has to say otherwise and take my side? which i have yet to find anyone to take my side on the lying part.. it could be a sign.. sigh

[betterdeal]

I'm glad you agree that lying to someone you love is possible. It's something we do to avoid real or perceived threats. I'm also glad you have enough respect to not hit a woman.

 

Do you want your girlfriend - this woman you love - to be happy or sad?

[betterdeal]

I ask myself this everyday seriously. You have no idea how hard it is to just let go, especially if its for the BEST and not because you don't love each other anymore..

 

But im starting to realize it was me all along with the problems, i caused her to lie and so on..

 

unless someone has to say otherwise and take my side? which i have yet to find anyone to take my side on the lying part.. it could be a sign.. sigh

 

It doesn't matter whose side I am on. It matters how you, and her, achieve happiness. So I will ask you questions and you can answer them if you like. Answer them honestly to yourself first and foremost.

 

Okay with you?

Edited May 20, 2011 by betterdeal

[Alan Guillermo]

I'm glad you agree that lying to someone you love is possible. It's something we do to avoid real or perceived threats. I'm also glad you have enough respect to not hit a woman.

 

Do you want your girlfriend - this woman you love - to be happy or sad?

 

I honestly want her to be happy of course. Really Happy

 

And she always tells me im the only one that makes her happy, and all she looks forward to is just coming to my house on the weekend and staying over..

 

those times are simply the best..

 

 

It doesn't matter whose side I am on. It matters how you, and her, achieve happiness. So I will ask you questions and you can answer them if you like. Answer them honestly to yourself first and foremost.

 

Okay with you?

 

Yes that is fine with me. It is all about honesty.. We seriously achieve happiness by being together, were ALWAYS talking about how we just want to get our own place already so we can be together all the time.. Shes always telling me how much she wishes she could be with me this second, and of course i do the same..

[betterdeal]

What happens to you immediately before and during the anger? What happens to your body, your thoughts, your feelings, your breathing?

[betterdeal]

When was the last time you cried?

[Alan Guillermo]

What happens to you immediately before and during the anger? What happens to your body, your thoughts, your feelings, your breathing?

 

Well im not sure exactly how to explain what happens to me before the anger, because nothing really happens..

 

But okay my body gets really hot, it feels almost as if my blood is boiling, i got really bad thoughts when i got mad at my gf for lying, all i wanted to do is just yell i hate you, your a liar and a slut and a whore and a backstabber and a fake and cheat! all sorts of things like that go through my mind, also if im completely shocked, i just stop and sit completely quiet while my blood boils and my body just starts getting really tense. Of course i start to breathe heavily, like a bull i guess. Sometimes i shake, if im really mad and hurt i will start to tear occasionally.

[Alan Guillermo]

The last time i cried was the day she left my house to go back home ( i didn't want her to leave because i knew all my bad thoughts and insecurities would take over my head, when shes here with me side by side, everything perfect, when she leaves i start to doubt her again and absolutely can not stop thinking of why she lied to me i cant help it. it drives me crazy i cant get it out of my head.. ), and before that i cried the night i found out she was still talking to guys, when i saw her facebook basically, I also cried when she came over and i caught her red handed lying face to face, i started crying then, Those were tears of sadness and madness though... So i've cried about 3 Times in under 2 weeks ( and yes this was recently )

 

shes the one who can really make me cry honestly..

Edited May 20, 2011 by Alan Guillermo

[betterdeal]

Well im not sure exactly how to explain what happens to me before the anger, because nothing really happens..

 

Think about it. Just before you feel the rage, something happens.

 

But okay my body gets really hot, it feels almost as if my blood is boiling, i got really bad thoughts when i got mad at my gf for lying, all i wanted to do is just yell i hate you, your a liar and a slut and a whore and a backstabber and a fake and cheat! all sorts of things like that go through my mind, also if im completely shocked, i just stop and sit completely quiet while my blood boils and my body just starts getting really tense. Of course i start to breathe heavily, like a bull i guess. Sometimes i shake, if im really mad and hurt i will start to tear occasionally.

 

Sounds very stressful. Anger is a secondary emotion. The trick is finding the primary one that occurs just before it. Anger is a fight response, to deal with threats by fighting. You say you don't want to fight your girlfriend, so what's the primary emotion, the feeling you have just before the rage?

 

Sorrow? Fear?

[betterdeal]

The last time i cried was the day she left my house to go back home ( i didn't want her to leave because i knew all my bad thoughts and insecurities would take over my head, when shes here with me side by side, everything perfect, when she leaves i start to doubt her again and absolutely can not stop thinking of why she lied to me i cant help it. it drives me crazy i cant get it out of my head.. ), and before that i cried the night i found out she was still talking to guys, when i saw her facebook basically, I also cried when she came over and i caught her red handed lying face to face, i started crying then, Those were tears of sadness and madness though... So i've cried about 3 Times in under 2 weeks ( and yes this was recently )

 

shes the one who can really make me cry honestly..

 

How does she make you cry? You said you cry when she's not there, not when she is there. You cry because of your thoughts, is what you just said.

[Imguilty]

Do you really think thats why she lied about those certain things

 

Because of how she knows how i am or how i will react?

 

I mean this is seriously my only problem with my girlfriends, i hate it when they communicate with guys..

 

Would you lie to your loved one honestly?

 

i mean i seriously thought if you LOVE someone you DON't LIE TO THEM. no Matter what

 

I don't know where to start!!! i don't think your a psycho but i do think you have some problems to work on ASAP.. Im not saying I am an expert in relationships but i know that when it comes to ALL relationships, i think the 3 fundamental things you need is TRUST, COMMUNICATION, AND HONESTY. When you go into a relationship by already having a difficult time trusting them, the other person will eventually feel smothered or even may start resenting you. You really need to fix your JEALOUSY issue... its not healthy at all.

 

And i don't think its your fault she lied. I mean she could feel smothered and all that junk but that doesn't mean she had to lie. She controls her own action and when she lied to you, its not your fault so don't blame it on yourself. She only has herself to blame for that.

 

You guys have a really unhealthy relationship together. You have trust and jealousy issues and she has honesty issues.. and to be honest, if you think that maybe if you give her another chance or if she gave you another chance, then ya's problem will be fixed?? I DONT THINK so. its just a matter of time until it will re-occur. Fixing problems/habits TAKES time and effort. If you really want the relationship to work, take time off this relationship and fix that horrible habit of yours. If she really loves you then she will understand.

[betterdeal]

When she lies she is not there. Not the real, truthful her. Lying is a way to hide from something we fear. She's lying just like that child we talked about - to avoid a real or perceived threat.

 

It's when she is not there that you cry. What is it that makes you so unhappy when she is not there? What else do you have that makes you happy? Any hobbies?

Edited May 20, 2011 by betterdeal

[Alan Guillermo]

Ok well i thought about it and before the rage and the anger..

 

I feel hurt, broken, empty, like someone just sucked the life force out of me, and after that, the anger comes and takes over, after i have calmed down, its back to feeling hurt and broken etc etc..

 

Ok well the one time i cried in front of her was because few days before that i told her to swear to me that she never texted that certain guy who gave her his number, and she did.

 

so when she came over again like i said i grabbed her phone and texted that guy, only to find out she has texted him before..

 

so that made me cry at first because she lied and it hurt..., then like 5 minutes or so later the anger came and thats when the yelling and cursing and punching the wall starts.

 

I don't always cry when shes not here, it only happened twice, and that was after i found out she was still communicating with guys on facebook, i started crying.. (1st time)

 

and then she came over a weekend after and it was all pretty much fine when she was here, she would see me get kinda quiet sometimes and she would try and cheer me up and cuddle with me and say i love you and stuff..

 

Im always unhappy when shes not here, but after the fights and me finding out that she lied about texting that guy and so on, when shes not here, it hurts even more, i cant stop thinking about it, i can never forget.. Which is why i started crying after she left, because i know its back to being alone in my room and back to constantly thinking about why she lied to me? and all these things go through my head, and randomly ill blow up and text her start back over again and say oh HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME, i thought you LOVED ME blah blah...

 

 

 

Kind like if someone cheats on you and you get back them, obviously the person who got cheated on will never forget, and every so often they'll bring the topic back up and just argue about the exact same thing you had already argued about several times before. like your arguing but it wont get you anywhere. your just arguing to argue because you can get over the fact of what happen..

 

i hope im not being confusing..

Edited May 20, 2011 by Alan Guillermo