Getting Married, but Having Desire for Another Guy

[confused101]

Hi all! I have a big problem...I am getting married in 3 months...I have everything paid for, laid out, etc. My parents and his parents are sooooo excited.

 

I have recently met a new guy - within the past 2 months. He has just told me he has feelings for me and i think i do for him too. I don't know if this is just "cold feet," but i can't stop thinking about him and don't want to.

 

My man is awesome, but i really like this new guy. He was introduced to me by my man. That is what is weird.

 

I hang out with him a lot and occasionally by ourselves, minus my man. We are great together and i can't get him out of my mind.

 

I don't know what to do. If i cancel the wedding my family will be pissed, my friends will be pissed after spending so much money on the prep work including the bachelorette party, bridesmaids gowns, etc. They will probably never speak to me again. I am dealing with the question of whether I choose what I am feeling right now, or hope the feelings goes away and keep my life the way it is. I am so confused!!!

 

Has anyone else been through this or know someone who has? I really need someone to talk to - I have no one.

[CosmoGirl1391]

I don't know what to do. If i cancel the wedding my family will be pissed, my friends will be pissed after spending so much money on the prep work including the bachelorette party, bridesmaids gowns, etc. They will probably never speak to me again. I am dealing with the question of whether I choose what I am feeling right now, or hope the feelings goes away and keep my life the way it is. I am so confused!!!

 

You need to quit worrying about what your friends and family think and start worrying about your happiness and YOUR life. If you are having feelings for someone else, that should be a huge red light!!! DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!

 

Whe cares that your family will be pissed? How are you going to feel when you are signing those divorce papers? The deed isn't done until you say "I do". Until then, it's not too late to back out, I don't care if you are at the altar!!!

 

You really need to analyze this situation and think about what it is you want. And don't worry about anyone else. It's YOUR life, not your family and friends. Everything that has been done and planned can be un-done and un-planned. I am sure your family would rather you back out now than make a mistake and end up divorcing.

 

Don't be a STATISTIC!!!

[Crys0369]

You're too concered with your family and friends and not with YOU. This is the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Not your parents or friends. They dont have to live with him forever. I'd think twice. You can get married whenever you want it doesn't have to be RIGHT NOW if you're having second thoughts...

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Just imagine if you will, what would happen if this guy you're having feelings for turns out to be a jerk. Think about it. How much trust or faith can you put into a man that knows you're engage, but is coming on to you?

 

Just because you're engaged does not mean you won't be attracted to other men. There is not such thing as a one and only person out there for you. There are plenty of people other than your fiance that you could have a good, sound, happy relationship with.

 

What you're saying when you get married is that you understand there are others you could have been with, but you chose to be commit to your husband.

 

And there will never be a time in your life when one man will satisfy your every need. Someone would ALWAYS be out there who could one up or top the one that you're with.

 

So you can get with this guy and ditch your fiance. But what are you going to do when the next best thing comes along? Dump him for the new guy?

[meanon]

This is more than just cold feet. To contemplate marriage when you lack the most basic of committment to your guy is deeply irresponsible. Your feelings for the other man may be fleeting, but the fact that you feel them should tell you that you are not ready for marriage or that your guy is not the one for you.

 

I would hate to let everyone down too - but would any of them really expect you to go through with it if you knew it was a mistake? All you would be doing is concealing something you know would make them angry out of fear and they will be just as annoyed, if not more so, when your new marriage is on the ropes within the first year.

 

Forget about the friends and family and concentrate on the issue of marriage to your guy and how it makes you feel.

 

Good luck.

[Thinkalot]

Yep, Listen to meanon...she is very wise. And Cosmo was spot on when she said this is a RED LIGHT. Do what is right for YOU. Good luck.