srcolema Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I have a 10 years old son from a high school ex-boyfriend. His father went to the Navy and didn't have a relationship with him. I understand that he was based in Washington and he was then based in Italy and he can't see him but he could of called. Anyway all while he was in the navy he didn't call much. He paid child support because I took him to court, otherwise I don't think he would have done much. I want my son to have his father but his father is pissing me off. When my son was younger and couldn't even dial his dad's number, he would say why my son don't call me. I'm thinking maybe because he is a child and all he wants to do is play. I feel like my son's father is the adult and he should call my son. He pisses me off because he don't call my son, he don't tell me when I may not be receiving my child support, and he don't give my son nothing on his birthday and on Christmas, I don't care if he just sent a card with 10 dollars in it at least it's something. I just feel like his father is losing his relationship with my son. I say my son because I feel like my son's father is a deadbeat and only thing he is good for is child support wheneva I get it. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I have a 10 years old son from a high school ex-boyfriend. His father went to the Navy and didn't have a relationship with him. I understand that he was based in Washington and he was then based in Italy and he can't see him but he could of called. Anyway all while he was in the navy he didn't call much. He paid child support because I took him to court, otherwise I don't think he would have done much. I want my son to have his father but his father is pissing me off. When my son was younger and couldn't even dial his dad's number, he would say why my son don't call me. I'm thinking maybe because he is a child and all he wants to do is play. I feel like my son's father is the adult and he should call my son. He pisses me off because he don't call my son, he don't tell me when I may not be receiving my child support, and he don't give my son nothing on his birthday and on Christmas, I don't care if he just sent a card with 10 dollars in it at least it's something. I just feel like his father is losing his relationship with my son. I say my son because I feel like my son's father is a deadbeat and only thing he is good for is child support wheneva I get it. Have his child support garnished. There is no reason for you to contact him about it if it is garnished. Maybe he doesn't want to be a dad? you can't force him to love his son. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Yes, he is a deadbeat. I would forget him and forget trying to event think about him being a father figure. Who are you incorporating into your son's life as an appropriate male role model? Your father? Your brothers? A good strong male friend or cousin? Big Brother program? (And please, don't have a revolving line of male BFs who come in and out of your life, as that is hugely confusing for a child, male or female). Link to post Share on other sites
Author srcolema Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Yes, he is a deadbeat. I would forget him and forget trying to event think about him being a father figure. Who are you incorporating into your son's life as an appropriate male role model? Your father? Your brothers? A good strong male friend or cousin? Big Brother program? (And please, don't have a revolving line of male BFs who come in and out of your life, as that is hugely confusing for a child, male or female). My son doesn't have a role model his role models are 1000 miles away so maybe I should get him in a Big Brother program, and I'm working on the revolving line of male BFs. I realize having different men coming over and moving in makes me look real bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author srcolema Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Have his child support garnished. There is no reason for you to contact him about it if it is garnished. Maybe he doesn't want to be a dad? you can't force him to love his son. His checks are garnished, the child support checks just stop coming Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Can't make the guy be a father; he's a deadbeat based on your version of the story.... Kids can't be expected to call. I contact my 10 yr old daily when he's not with me, but I can NOT expect him to ever call me, he's a kid, and as much as he adores me, he just forgets, lol... The once in a blue moon he calls, I am :bunny:, but no biggie... it is what it is.. His checks are garnished, the child support checks just stop coming That sentence doesn't make sense.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 At best get yourself some counseling. Three babies to three different men, Just dumped a guy who had a "shady criminal record" and then you proclaim to be shy? Hon you must be extremely shy if you cant say NO to a guy and be a Decent mom. I sincerely cannot empathize with you on the parental level ...maybe thats because I dont bash the kids dad no matter how little they got to see him....Someday it will come back to haunt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author srcolema Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Don't judge me who knows what u got in ur past. Yes I have 3 kids by three differet men my kids are three years apart just because I didn't like there dad's and decided to move on instead of being unhappy and with one man. I did make a mistake by having kids before I got married. I am a desent mom I work hard for my kids we don't need there dad's, and u can't possibly get I'm not a good mom from this forum. P.S his dad don't come see him. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 srcolema, actually the first part of the post asked that you seek counseling. Sadly you do have issues , yet its for you to come to terms with . Its absolutely okay to determine from your posts that your parenting judgment is to be improved , having men coming in and out of the childrens' lives is not a positive affect. I sure do have a past and luckily I changed when it was brought to my attention. There in lays the difference. Being judged is not a negative as you would like to think, How often are you complimented? That in itself is a Judgment by another person. They are observing and commenting, no difference in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
Author srcolema Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 srcolema, actually the first part of the post asked that you seek counseling. Sadly you do have issues , yet its for you to come to terms with . Its absolutely okay to determine from your posts that your parenting judgment is to be improved , having men coming in and out of the childrens' lives is not a positive affect. I sure do have a past and luckily I changed when it was brought to my attention. There in lays the difference. Being judged is not a negative as you would like to think, How often are you complimented? That in itself is a Judgment by another person. They are observing and commenting, no difference in my book. thank you for ur post but no thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author srcolema Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Can't make the guy be a father; he's a deadbeat based on your version of the story.... Kids can't be expected to call. I contact my 10 yr old daily when he's not with me, but I can NOT expect him to ever call me, he's a kid, and as much as he adores me, he just forgets, lol... The once in a blue moon he calls, I am :bunny:, but no biggie... it is what it is.. That sentence doesn't make sense.... His dad got out the navy so the checks stopped. Then he got unemployment, and when he stop getting that the checks stopped again. Now I waiting for his new job to start getting the checks again. Link to post Share on other sites
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Tayla Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 thank you for ur post but no thanks Aww you are ever so welcome! How truly sad that you dont see clearly that you "judge" the father of your child yet don't allow other "mature" adults who differ from your view to be heard. Seriously get counseling and I mean that sincerely, you really are a gem with a few rough edges to shine. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Today, society has us to think that being unmarried and popping out kid after kid with different fathers/mothers, is somehow acceptable and if we don't like it, we are bad, judgmental people. I know that sometimes, **** happens. But after one, you would think that people would learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author srcolema Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Today, society has us to think that being unmarried and popping out kid after kid with different fathers/mothers, is somehow acceptable and if we don't like it, we are bad, judgmental people. I know that sometimes, **** happens. But after one, you would think that people would learn. thank u for saying this but obvious I didn't learn so I had two more and my youngest is 7 so I got it now. I love my kids and I work hard for them to have a better life. So what if my kids have three different fathers, all that matters is they are taken care of and happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author srcolema Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 I was raised to only have children if I was married. My parent's culture has too many single mothers, because the men are tomcats and the women have low self esteem. A woman is more likely to have a baby out of wedlock, if that is what she saw her mother doing. Some of my cousins feel that being a single mom (with different "babyfathers") is a sign of strength. Poor ignorant fools. I was raised to believe that only a "slack" woman has children when she is not married. I am childfree, but if I wanted to become a mother, I would only do so with a husband. Why should I bless a man with a child, if he won't even commit to me? My best friend just had a baby with a man, who already has a child with someone else, whom he rarely sees. I don't approve, but it is her life and I love her anyway. Her morals are different from mine. I knew another woman who did not even have a high school diploma, yet she had four children and was a SAHM. I had no respect for her because she was smart enough to be a doctor, but she chose to just pop out kids. She also started at 17 and married at 19. I used to ask her if it was 1952. If the OP refuses counseling, she may want to look at long term birth control, such as an IUD. I don't understand women who keep having babies when they are not married. Hello? Learn from the first time! My mom was married when she had me then my father and her where in the process of a divorce when she was pregnant with my brother. So my question is would it be different if I got married three times and had a child in each marriage? or I'm I just the dirt in the ground for having three kids with three different men. Even if my kids are healthy, and happy . I know I didn't make the right choices when I was younger but guess what my kids are here now so I just have to live with my choices weather y'all like it or not. So dwelling on my past is the past. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 My mom was married when she had me then my father and her where in the process of a divorce when she was pregnant with my brother. So my question is would it be different if I got married three times and had a child in each marriage? or I'm I just the dirt in the ground for having three kids with three different men. Even if my kids are healthy, and happy . I know I didn't make the right choices when I was younger but guess what my kids are here now so I just have to live with my choices weather y'all like it or not. So dwelling on my past is the past. Why are you calling yourself dirt? Furthermore, why do you come on a forum and ask other people what they think of your decisions and why do you care? To answer your question getting married three times and having three different kids with each husband is also a very bad choice; however each child would have been born with father's name and probably would say at least my mom and dad were married when they decided to have me. You would be under the father's medical plan; would probably get alimony, etc. Again, I wouldn't worry about what others think, it's a bit too late for that now. Maybe you should go on a break from men and just concentrate on your kids for a while. I really do wish you and your kids the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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