Things that are working in NC

[Rooke]

So I thought I'd share some tips that are working really well for me in NC.

 

1) Keeping two journals. Have a really nice one, that you just write about yourself, what you want, what you're aiming for, whatever is on your mind but only about YOU. Have a really crappy second one for writing about him, this serves to 'diminish' him and give him less importance.

 

2) Any memories you have, good or bad, concentrate really hard and drain the colour out of it so it's black and white, step OUT of the memory and walk away. This may take some practice.

 

3) Excercise, follow a diet, book a holiday, have something to look forward to or achieve.

 

4) If you live somewhere that reminds you of him, move things around and make it look different, new pictures, new bedding or just move your bed.

 

5) See NC as a challenge, and remember how disappointed in yourself you will be if you don't smash your targets.

 

6) Read a lot, immerse yourself in stories, poems or self help books and take your mind off things.

 

7) Affirmations, say to YOURSELF 'I love you' think positive, say to yourself you want and deserve better, and it will come if you believe in yourself.

 

 

8) Most importantly - time heals all wounds. Be patient, the process is slow and painful but you will get there! Anytime you think about the past, remember the past doesn't exist and think about the future, look forward to the future and your bad feelings subsiding.

 

 

Hope this helps!

[thissecretgirl]

These are great ideas Rooke.

 

I know that writing was a huge help to me after my own Dday and the events that ensued. I kept an online journal and so that it wasnt all negative posts, each day I would write a 'thought for the day' post, which could be an inspiring quote or something motivational and a 'one good thing' post; forcing myself to think of something good every day. It could seem like the most insignificant thing such as the weather, but it didnt matter as long as it was a good thing I was reporting on. Really worked for me.

 

 

Another thing I did was to take the advice of a good friend who who wrote this letter to me;

 

 

You are not alone. Because I have a marriage, it was not as traumatic to discover the reality behind my fantasy, but it profoundly shook my faith in my own judgement.

 

You are human. Look at people all around you who are living and dying in the name of fantasies that are easy for you to see through, but that they are so devoted to they cannot see the reality.

 

You exist. The realities of your own abilities, your own capacity for love and devotion, your sexual impulses, your courage in moving halfway across the world for the sake of a passion, are all still your own. Every good thing that happened, every loving act on your part is still an indication of your great depth of character. It has nothing to do with him. It is yours.

 

You are loved. By people all over the world. Don't punish yourself. Don't doubt yourself. Knowing how deeply you are able to commit yourself to an idea, take the time now to practice seeing things very clearly. Focus on reality, on the simple moments of your life - the weather, the food, the casual interactions with friends and strangers - and you'll build a foundation for tremendous growth.

 

You are one of us. This mental capacity of ours - to devote ourselves to an idea - is part of the human condition. Give the love you are so capable of giving freely to others to yourself now. You need it. And you deserve it.

 

I hope that your opportunity to become a mother has not, in fact, passed. My sister is having a child at 44 . . . and you can always adopt or care for a child, if that seems more feasible. Don't let this man take any more from you. He hasn't earned it. Turn your mind from him. Hold on to your love. There are others who need it. And want it.

 

I hope your pain lessens each day. You may feel it in waves, like grief. A stone is dropped in the water, and the ripples expand in circles, but the intensity lessens as time passes. So it can be for you. Let it happen. Let it go. Hold on to the present moment in its simplicity and vibrant reality.

 

That's how I have gotten through these periods in the past. Hold on to all those bits in life that seem so small and meaningless when your passions are inflamed. They are full of life and color and incredibly valuable information about what is real and true.

 

I had told her that everything was black and that I didnt think I would know the truth again if it came up and slapped me in the face. To me the whole letter was beautiful, but the bolded bits were a turning point for me.

I started to do exactly as she had said and took pleasure in all those beautiful, sensory things around me that I could rely on to be real and true; the weather, the sea, the parrots in the garden, delicious food. She was right it wasnt black, there was colour and vibrancy; its just that i had stopped seeing it all because the affair and the angst consumed me. Now whenever I feel slightly overwhelmed I will sit in the garden and soak up the colour and the smell, eat good food or sit by the sea and sip a hot chocolate. I take comfort in those small things and you know what, they always fill me with pleasure and put a smile on my face.

[Flabbergaster]

Rooke i'm so impressed by how far you've come.

Healing is the ONLY way to survive, you're doing great.

 

Heal a bit more...and you will find love again (hint: single guy this time, right? )

[fooled once]

Great post Rooke.

 

How are you doing?

[bikinibeach]

rooke what a touching letter! thanks for sharing it

[JaneyAmazed]

So I thought I'd share some tips that are working really well for me in NC.

 

1) Keeping two journals. Have a really nice one, that you just write about yourself, what you want, what you're aiming for, whatever is on your mind but only about YOU. Have a really crappy second one for writing about him, this serves to 'diminish' him and give him less importance.

 

2) Any memories you have, good or bad, concentrate really hard and drain the colour out of it so it's black and white, step OUT of the memory and walk away. This may take some practice.

 

3) Excercise, follow a diet, book a holiday, have something to look forward to or achieve.

 

4) If you live somewhere that reminds you of him, move things around and make it look different, new pictures, new bedding or just move your bed.

 

5) See NC as a challenge, and remember how disappointed in yourself you will be if you don't smash your targets.

 

6) Read a lot, immerse yourself in stories, poems or self help books and take your mind off things.

 

7) Affirmations, say to YOURSELF 'I love you' think positive, say to yourself you want and deserve better, and it will come if you believe in yourself.

 

 

8) Most importantly - time heals all wounds. Be patient, the process is slow and painful but you will get there! Anytime you think about the past, remember the past doesn't exist and think about the future, look forward to the future and your bad feelings subsiding.

 

 

Hope this helps!

 

Perfect! Thanks for reminding us that time heals all wounds. I have to keep reminding myself of that. There's something about pain that keeps me in the present. It tricks me into thinking that there is no end to the pain. I have to remember what you said, and it does get better. I've already experienced happiness and hope in between the painful times. I think that pain is necessary to strengthen us so I'm thankful that I have to go through this to become a better and stronger person.