Sntbanx Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 *I don't know what to do. My wife of 11 years has been cheating on me for the last 4 years. First with her ex boyfriend for three years until I managed to destroy that relationship. Now with another guy. The typical signs presented themselves. The secretive phone calls, working late or on weekends, hiding her purse in the bedroom closet. I've tried to leave a few times, but so many things have happened. She was in jail for a big mistake she made which cost me and many people in her family a lot of mental and financial pain. My 401k is gone and I had to take out personal loans from family members just to help her, thinking that she was innocent all of this time. She still cheating on me even though I supported her. I spent countless hours, missing work and lying to my family about my wife's behavior. Now I owe so much money to my family and it doesn't seem important to my wife that this money needs to be paid back. My poor father in law can't retire now because of all the money he has spent and borrowed to help her. He's been through hell. He just overcame prostate cancer, and is still there for my wife even though she lied to him about the down payment for our house. So now he's out over 70k and is in debt because of money she had to pay back all the restitution. Not to mention how much her lawyer cost us. It's so hard because we have 2 children together. I've been so patient and understanding, but even I have my limits. This second affair has broken me. I can't focus on anything. Work means nothing to me anymore. I'm always mad now and I always have to put on a fake smiley face to all my clients and act like there nothing wrong with me. I'm an emotional wreck. I want to cry but the macho man in me doesn't let me. I need to be strong. I vowed to never be like my father. He cheated on my mother all the time and I don't want to end up like him, alone and having his kids resent him because of what he did to his family. I haven't spoken to him in years, and he's never really seen my kids except for some pictures. Sometimes I want to end it all. Then I ask myself, is taking my own life worth it? Of course it's not worth it. I'm not crazy, but it hurts so bad. It's like I'm living in a soap opera that never ends, and unlike some other men, I would never strike a woman even though some really deserve a good beating. Im not perfect in any way shape or form, but I am faithful and always been. I love my children dearly. They are my life and I don't want them to see their parents separate. I've become closer to my lord and savior Jesus Christ and I pray for him to show me the way. Sorry, I'm not used to poring my heart out like this.* Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Do yourself a favor, divorce your wife, sorry you did all you could but this woman is no good. You are doing yourself and your family and in-laws a disservice by allowing this woman to walk all over you. I don't know how she is as a mother but actions speak louder then words, and her actions are currently making my ears bleed. Nobody is going to blame you nor are your children (depending on their understanding, it can always be explained in the future but now it's about doing what is best) she is a criminal, an adulterer and a liar exactly why are you still here? Get a lawyer and start today and get her served. I mean this. Get custody of your children it will be easy. Get this woman safely out of your immediate life ( I understand you will want her near for the kids to see ) with the debt you are In I don't know what your living arrangements can be but you need to sort something out. This woman will be the death of you, and you are wasting your life and you deserve to be happy . Your children deserve to be happy and it's not going to happen with someone as broken as your wife. I don't feel I'm being too harsh, sometimes people look for a reason to fix ANYONE sometimes there are people out there who are just rotten and selfish to the core and as long as people continue to bail them out or forgive them they will never change. She needs to learn consequences. As rude as this might sound the worse thing you did was help her get out of jail it was an early blessing in disguise... don't care how I sound. To summarise.. GET A DIVORCE THIS WEEK, Seek a mental professional because you got some deep depression you are going to need to deal with and push forward for a better life for you and your children and sort out some arrangement for that debt she isn't going to help with. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 You would have to be totally masochistic to stay with this woman. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would put up with this? Clearly she takes great pleasure in humiliating and disrespecting you in the worst possible way and putting your health at risk for STD's. I would see an attorney and check the paternity of your children. Her actions indicate that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Would you want one of your children to grow up and marry someone like your wife? Your wife sees you as a doormat and nobody respects a doormat. Enough is enough and find yourself a good attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Your wife is no mother of your children. She's mentally crazy and unstable. I would divorce her ASAP. Consult with a lawyer if you have one, and get your dick checked immediately for STDs. She's been cheating on you for a long time. She might've passed something onto you, dude. Kick her out and protect those kids. People like her need to be in prison, or in a mental ward for a good few years. This woman absolutely has no respect for her family nor herself. Be calm and don't do anything that could land you into trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 with all her cheating, how do you even know if the kids are yours? Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Judging by her past behaviour, you would have to be masochistic to expect anything positive to happen from staying from this woman. I don't know whether you have the finances to get a divorce but I would suggest that you start behaving more pro-actively. When your SO is behaving in a way that makes you want to take your life, there is obviously a problem. As a final thought, you should be able to use her stint in jail against her in court. Is there anymore dirt you can dig up on her past/present that would allow you to gain an advantage over her? Link to post Share on other sites
cheating-husband Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) What you are experiencing right now is indeed heart breaking situation. It is true that divorce is not the answer of everything because you have your children to be considered. It seems that you are confused and considering many factors in your decision making. Have you ever tried taking your children and leaving her? If you did, at least she can have the idea of how it feels without you and that you can do it. Just have courage to give her lesson. Try to talk to your father in law, as it seems to me that you are close to him and he knows what you are going through with his daughter. Ask for his advice.You can also talk to a counselor, he/she can give you clearer view. And most of all, don't lose your communication with God. It can give you courage. With Him, you can have someone to pour your heart with that will not judge you nor laugh at you. You can be sure that He will truly listen, help and comfort you. God bless your decision making and may you can find peace. Edited June 20, 2011 by cheating-husband Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Of course it's not worth it. I'm not crazy, but it hurts so bad. It's like I'm living in a soap opera that never ends, and unlike some other men, I would never strike a woman even though some really deserve a good beating. Im not perfect in any way shape or form, but I am faithful and always been. I love my children dearly. They are my life and I don't want them to see their parents separate. I've become closer to my lord and savior Jesus Christ and I pray for him to show me the way. Sorry, I'm not used to poring my heart out like this.* Take that anger and use it. Harden your heart against her and remove her from your life. Seek restitution in whatever way you can... and protect your children from her. Otherwise she will probably date a parade of child molesters to abuse your kids. You cut your father out for this... will you now put up with it? It's time for action. Get the divorce papers going. Link to post Share on other sites
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