In love with flatmate.

[Densmai]

I guess I'm mostly typing this out in public to vent. I find my current situation almost hopeless but maybe this will help on some level.

 

I'm a 23 year old student that shares a small flat with my best friend of 2 years. All the time we've known each other we've been flat mates. We became good friends really quickly. My love for her isn't anything new but it's certainly gotten stronger this year.

 

I see her everyday. I cook for us both, bake (I'm a chef) and generally we get on like a house on fire. We know pretty much everything about each other. Perhaps too much as we both have rather lets say "interesting" pasts. We've shared tales of past lovers, embarrassing stories, our darkest moments in life. We share similar interests but have separate hobbies as well.

 

I'm sure nothing can happen between us. Since we've known each other she's been with several guys and 1 girl (8 people to be exact). Some flings and some relationships. Some good and some bad. Right now she's sort of seeing a man 8 years her senior. Not her usual type but he seems nice enough. Though in my selfish mind I can't help feeling crushed every time she gets with someone else. As long as they make her happy I should be happy for her. I couldn't bring myself to even come home last night because I didn't want to spoil her evening with him by turning up quite upset. (and drunk from a society pub night)

 

Next year I'll no longer be living with her. She finishes her Masters and I'm continuing onto mine. I can only hope that this will help me get over her. I love living with her though. Doing things with her that make her smile. Just watching TV together cuddled up, making us a lovely meal. She makes me both happy and sad.

 

I do have a past with falling for flat mates. In my 1st year I slept with one of my friends in halls. The fallout of which caused the friendship to become very strained. I still talk to her. She lives far away now but somehow we've ended up friends again. Seeing her is always fun and not awkward at all. I hope at the very least my flatmate and me will remain good friends like eventually I rekindled with my previous lover.

 

I know that there is no magical way to stop being in love. No way to make someone find you attractive as than more than just a friend. So I'll just try to keep myself sane till September. Then maybe I can stop being so pathetic. I just wish it was easier....