Starnette83 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hello...Ive been seeing my bf for 4 years but i know its time to call it quits, we have broken up before because thats what he wanted, and he has broken my heart several times...he knows how much i love him but he doesnt even say he loves me anymore, it just seems that im not enough of a challenge for me or maybe hes just bored of me and doesnt see the good qualities i may have...anyways the point is that im really getting tired of this, ive dealt with this dilemma for way too long, this icky feeling inside that makes me feel unspecial, taken for granted, and my self esteem and everything has suffered becuz of it...i dont even have energy to get myself up from bed in the morning, and my schoo and gym motivation has decreased so much...so much that all i do is see him and when i dont is just sit at home and think..im tired of leading my life this way!''I want to be productive and enjoy waking up in the morning...idont want to blame him for my life being this way... but personally i think taht it is so much i think, and feel...that it just takes a toll on my life, and its not his fault its mine, but the only way i see my life getting better is by breaking up with him and letting him go even though i love him so much!!!...but i just dont want to feel this way anymore..i feel i have him but everything else is just draggin, there just no point anymore, plus hes not as interested as i am with him, he doesnt get excited or happy when he sees me, and i seem to still do..its usually me who initiates a kiss when i see him in the morning at school..its retarded..and i just wanna be like "Forget it" i wanna be with soemone who will be happy to see me, and wanna spend time with me and make me feel like im special..but he doesnt.... he kinda makes it feel like im a drag..or its just the way i feel sometimes when im around him..sometimes hes sweet with me and sometimes hes whatever..hes never stable..and i hate that..at first i guess it hought i could deal with it..but im getting sick of it and i just want someone who is stable with me..either they do care and they show it or they dont!... I dont even cry anymore though like i used to..i guess i just somehow became accustomed to it..where now im just getting irritated and bothered by it..i just wanna say **** it and not look back...its just not worth it..ive given it so many tries...ive done the best i can do, im a sweet , silly, fun, crazy chick ....and i know it yet lately i just feel ****ty inside...and i dont wanna prove myself to him or anyone anymore..if he cant see me for me..then forget it..im quit trying.,.i dont even feel like picking up the phone if he calls me tonight..whats the point??? i just dont want to anymore..YES I LOVE HIm..but im sick and tired of everything..of not feeling as special as i feel i should be treated after being his girl for 4 years...he doesnt even want a serious relationship,. so what does he want???is he waiting for someone else to come around to leave me and then me left feeling stupid? sorry for my rambling...im not sure if im looking for advice..but any advice or comments would be cool... thanxz..ill keep ya updated Link to post Share on other sites
danandlea Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 folow your hear hun, it doesnt always agree with ya head!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hello..well ok my bf ended up calling me til 10pm...i had resisted from calling him..so for like the first time i didnt call him the whole day, i waited til he called..then he called and i decided not to pick up..just soi can make him wonder..ya know!! anyways i went online and now hes all iming me, and talking to me...anyways imma switch it around..i aint gonna show him any kinda LOVE like before, screw it..imma be whatever..imma really really try to make me happy..i actual;ly was dancing to music with my earphones in my room, i had so much..havent done that since High school days!!!..pheww..felt good!!! Anyways tommorow imma see him at school..but i proabably wont hang out with him after class..like planned..imma just say i have other plans...and smile:)... this might seem like a game..but its just that slowly...i will eventaully try to feel strong enough to say BYE BYE...this is just for fun!..anyways whatever..i dont wanna be miss nice girl no more..screw that..it got me nowhere..been too nice for too damn long! Link to post Share on other sites
asilisa Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 starnette83: I've been kinda going through the same thing. But I've only been with my guy for 4 months. I feel like he just is sick of me. He has had so many times he could break up with me I just don't understand why he hasn't done it. I love him, but I find myself thinking : do i wanna hurt like this. What's the point of being with someone if it hurts anyway? Break up it hurts, stay together it hurts. There is no real option here for me beside hurting. I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamara Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Hey there, I don't know if it would help you much, but I can sure sympathize with your pain and frustration. I've been posting my topic and replies in the "In Search of..." thread since the beginning of this month. If you care to read it, I think our feelings are pretty similar. What's wrong with men? I'm at my wit's end right now because of my guy who keeps leaving despite he loves, tells me I lie and blah blah blah. I know I don't have anything new and many women are going through the same thing and even worse. Maybe if you read it and some of the great advice given to me by these wonderful women at this site, it will give you strength to follow your heart and leave him, if you feel it is right. It has helped me tons and I haven't called him back yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted April 16, 2004 Author Share Posted April 16, 2004 hello, well thanxz for the advice, jsut to keep u updated...on wednesday i saw my bf at school, and everything was good, then we were walkign to were our cars ..he had 45 minutes to kill because he had to meet a friend for some studying at 2:30, so in my mind i figured just hanging out with him those 45 minutes so he wouldnt be bored...as we walked..we just stood next to our cars talking..i thought he would maybe invite me to eat or something, but he didnt..so then i thought maybe he wants to be alone ...anyways we just were talking against my car..(his car was next to mine)./.when he starts picking a stupid fight..like.."you just like to waste time, i like to be productive..bla bla"...and im like "what r u tlaking about "...and hes like "well we are just here talking not really doing anything.."..and im like ""mm ok im here just cos i wanted to hang out with u for the 45min u have to kill, i would go eat with u or something..but i dunno if ure hungry"..then he said "No im not hungry, why r u"..then i said "no"...and hes like "I dont like wasting my time, bla bla ..i like to always do soemthing with my time and it seems like u like wasting ure time"..and im like "sorry for wanting to hang out with u for 45min, i guess i should just go then"..and well we both got on our cars..and we were right next to eachother..i was upset cos i didnt know why we were fighting, it just felt so stupid, like he purposely was trying to get me to cry or to piss me off... so then he opened his window and i had mine open..and we just bitched to eachother..cos i didnt understand him, and he didnt understand me...then we were gonna meet latyer taht day at 5 cos i have a class at 7..and had to kill time in that area that whole time..so i didnt know if he still wanted to meet or waht.. so he sais "are we still gonna meet at 5?"..and im like "I dont know, call me or whatever and then ill let u know"...then we bitch again...and he just gets fed up i guess or whatever and drives off ..ugh!!... i was upset, sad , confused, and PISSED OFF cos i was like "HOW CAN I DEAL WITH THIS STUPIDNESS!! ALWAYS BRINGS ME DOWN WHEN IM HAPPY!"..so i went to the library and went to read books, i had to kill time til 7pm for my math class..anyways i didnt know if i was gonna see him at 5pm, and i didnt know if he would call me... well at 4:20 he calls me ..all calm , like nothing had happened...and tells me "Imhome right now, will u come over?" and i was like mmm...I didnt know what to say cos by this time i wasnt pissed off anymore so i just said "Im at walgreens right now buying something ill call u back..." I ended up calling him back and saying ok and i went to his house...we ate some food..then he sis came over..and we just hung out and had sex once and later i went to my class at 7pm anyways what i dont get is that sometimes hes a careless dork who just leaves and gets mad or annoyed at me for no reason, and then hes nice to me and pretends like nothing happen..i know that my bad is that i forgive him to easily and ive never been firm and decisive, cos it does affect me when he acts like a jerk..but after a few hours..i forget about how pissed and stupid he made me feel and i forgive him and even let him kiss me and hold me..i really think that i am the problem now..sometimes i think im such a dumbass! Link to post Share on other sites
mont13 Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Have you told him how you are feeling latley about your relationship? I think if you communicate with him that your on the brink of leaving him and that you are fed up with him, it will make him see whats is going on! you just need to stand up for yourself and let him realize that if he dosent start respecting you more he will loose you forever! Trust me if he sees that you are not willing to do whatever he says or wants anymore and that you dont need him in your life, he will either wake up and see whats important, or you'll no that this relationship wasn't meant to be! Link to post Share on other sites
joseph Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Hi there...Sounds like he definately taking you for granted. If you do leave him; he will realize what he did have and how stupid he was. If you think it's worth trying to fix (and it should be after 4 yrs) You NEED to tell him how you've been feeling, and its going to take a concious effort on both parts to get things back to how it used to be. This boy needs a wake up call! Link to post Share on other sites
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