In the end it's all the same

[DontWorryBHappy]

Whether a relationship ends on good terms, or bad terms, or whatever... it's all the same in the end. They don't want to be with you and they're NOT with you. My ex and I ended on "sort of" good terms. Initially, it was on pretty good terms because we talked about it, he told me he is unable to love another person in a long term relationship, so it had to end. Fine. We parted and agreed to at least have an understanding. Three weeks passed, and I ran into him again. He asked me about my life, gave me various compliments, asked if I was moving on, gave me a hug that lasted too long, and we parted again. Of course, this awakened an urge to see him so I requested a meet up. We met up, played pool, and he immediately dove into asking questions like whether I was seeing anyone new, whether I missed him, blah blah blah. We were by the pool and he wanted to lay his head on me, get close to me, etc.

 

I missed him, so I wanted to be close to him of course. The next day I saw him again. We watched a tv show. Whenever he got a text he'd check it and say something like, "What does Leila want...." (that is his married model friend who is having a party tonight). He asked me to cuddle with him on his bed. (I know, I know). I was in an odd place emotionally obviously, and I did. But I started crying almost instantly. Then he goes, "Maybe we shouldnt do this...". I start being really honest with him about my feelings and we talk. He says he "misses me like hell" and "wants me but can't have me." Why? Because he "can't love someone for more than 10 seconds." The sad moments were mixed in with really good ones, laughing, joking around, having fun together, and just getting along. We kissed, made out, were sexual for a last time. Don't really regret that part, I got just as much out of it. I remember one particular comment from him, when he said something about no longer having the emotional responsibility of being in a relationship. Like "haha well I wont have the emotional responsibility of being with you anymore now will I?" or whatever. We showered together.

 

Then he had to leave on a trip.... to go to a beach party. I was sad and he would make comments for me to cheer up or whatever. I was crying a bit at the bus stop before his bus came. Told him how much I would miss him, told him I felt pathetic for telling him all that because he was leaving anyway. Then he did leave. I finally blocked him on facebook today. We still didn't really end on "bad" terms. But I'm so done. Whatever he does from this point, is out of my hands, and has to be out of my consciousness. I'll let him go screw himself with a million girls, play the field, never get anywhere, and won't be there to witness his awesome unemotional life. I'm done.

[Trovador]

At least you had a last night of sex! J/K...

 

You are right, it doesn't matter how things end, they are not with us! Anyway, I think it's worse when the rl ends with anger, fights, discussion, etc

 

this last time my ex and I broke up whatever relationship we had at that moment sort of peacefully, we even laughed as much as our first days but that's something barely memorable because it was break up, on good terms, but a break up anyway...

 

Hey, your last three lines made an impact on me... I also refuse to make my ex believe her mundane life is exceptional... thanks!

[Sugarkane]

My ex dumped me completely out of the blue, in a really callous way. He refused to talk to me, let alone even meet up with me. He did a complete 180 on me and poisoned everyone against me. And never contacted me again. I really envy your type of breakup. The way he brokeup with me was discusting and showed no integrity at all. How someone breaks up with you, really shows what type of person they really are.

The way my ex brokeup with me, didn't help me at all. I spent months depressed and blaming myself. I'll never forgive my ex, I didn't deserve what he did to me at all. think yourself lucky.

[mickleb]

Your last few threads indicate that you're currently all over the place, DWBH. It sounds as though you're desperately trying to convince people that you're in control of this situation but your actions suggest that is far from the truth.

 

How are you still managing to be played like this? Stop allowing guys to trade sex with you for a couple of emotional breadcrumbs. You are far more valuable than that.

 

Take care.

 

x

[bonpaw2008]

I agree with Thaila - what bull**** lines about how they can't love!! That is the "I will be with you as long as nothing better comes along" bull**** that I put up with for 2 years. He was all about me, calling, IMing me all the time, keeping me on the hook. All along he would tell me "I don't want anything serious, I don't think I ever want to get married again" but his actions were so different from his words. Anyway it was my bad thinking that he would get his head out of his ass and actually treat me the way I deserved. But I know that I deserve better and I am done too. Even if I don't ever find someone again it is better than being used by some ******* that has no respect for anything and only cares about himself.

 

Sorry your story just struck a nerve. It has been 10 months but he still tries to weasel his way back in and it makes me crazy. I have lost all my trust in everyone because he is such a coniving loser bastard.

 

Stay done! It is the only way to ensure that you won't be sucked in again with his bull****.

[bonpaw2008]

Your last few threads indicate that you're currently all over the place, DWBH. It sounds as though you're desperately trying to convince people that you're in control of this situation but your actions suggest that is far from the truth.

 

How are you still managing to be played like this? Stop allowing guys to trade sex with you for a couple of emotional breadcrumbs. You are far more valuable than that.

 

Take care.

 

x

 

And Mick - good to see you, I have been struggling with NC because he is trying the same stuff, I needed to come here to get my wits back and this post helped me!!

 

It is so hard to stay in control, to do the best thing for yourself when all you really want is to stop the hurting, even if it will hurt worse after it is over. But DWBH and all of us are worth more than giving these emotionally unavailable *******s license to stomp on us with giving nothing in return. I know that is where I was headed if I would have given in to his texts and calls, but I know that I can't for my sake. He doesn't matter, I don't care if he is hurting, I have done enough for him.

 

Best wishes all

[DontWorryBHappy]

To all - thanks for the replies and I'm happy some of you can relate to my post.

 

mickleb - with all due respect, your post is harsh and does not reflect my intentions or what has happened. Yes, I have been all over the place. People often are after a break up when the person they cared about tosses them aside. No, I am hardly trying to 'convince' anyone that I am in a better emotional place than I am. I simply write for my benefit - and whatever you take from that is not of my concern. I do resent being told that I was "played" because in truth, I knew that being around him again would not change anything, and it's hard to be played when you already know you're walking into a losing battle. I had already lost the battle, but I missed him and in those moments wanted to be near him, to relish in the person I used to THINK that I knew and soothe my heart (even when I knew I was soothing it with battery acid). I would agree that I was "played" if I had tried to delude myself into thinking I could change the outcome of this - that was never the case. I also resent the line about "trading sex." Did I not say in my thread that I didn't regret that part? I made that choice because I honestly wanted to do it. And I wasn't thinking about my reasons for doing it versus his reasons. So I traded sex for sex in that case. The emotional breadcrumbs were thrown in there too, but to me that's a different matter. It might seem as though I've been weak... but honestly, all I've ever been was real. I told someone I cared about that I wanted them, they left. I've realized that I'm attracted to him and the leftover emotions take hold of me still when I see him, but he's the wolf in sheep's clothing. Looks good and appears charming on the outside, but can't get emotionally close to another human being and reeks with immaturity and narcissism. Anyway, I know there are better people out there.

 

Also, sometimes when someone says they can't love, it isn't always a line. Sometimes they really can't, maybe permanently, or maybe at that time in their lives. Just throwing that out there.

Edited May 22, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy

[mickleb]

I would say that your own description of your behaviour is far harsher than anything I have written, DWBH. And I can see that, with your admission that you willingly walked into a 'losing battle' and 'soothed your heart' with 'battery acid', that the word 'played' was inappropriate: it gave you the benefit of the doubt.

 

There is no sane reason for you to emotionally self-harm in this way. I will repeat - you are worth way more.

 

BP - Sorry, I thought I had replied to your previous message but I managed to c*ck it up. Glad the post rang a helpful bell for you and sorry to hear you came off the wagon. You know what to do.

 

Take care.

 

x

[DontWorryBHappy]

You know, there is such a thing as simply going with one's feelings. And this doesn't always have to be classified into categories such as someone who has been "played" or someone who emotionally "self harms". None of those terms register with me. In the back of my mind I knew the battle was lost, but I also knew my feelings. So it wasn't like I purposely poured metaphorical battery acid all over my heart. I never completely thought through any of it. It was just a series of events fueled by emotions. What I'm trying to say is that I dislike the fact that you are trying to classify this at all. It's not meant to be thrown into a category of understanding. I do not feel that I was emotionally "self harming." My feelings and reactions were natural for the situation. It was simply a losing situation (as far as having a relationship with the guy).

Edited May 22, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy

[mickleb]

And I am simply encouraging you to use your logic a bit more. You've been hopping into bed with various sadsacks then regretting it for months now. If you're not happy about picking these partners (who communicate strongly that they're emotionally unavailable), sleeping with them, then watching them p*ss off into the sunset, then try changing your behaviour. If you are, there's no need to dwell in Coping, is there?

 

My advice to you hasn't changed over the last year. Obviously, it hasn't affected your behaviour and that, of course, is entirely up to you. I still feel compelled to offer it, though. Go figure!

 

x