SheL113 Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I am looking for some feedback. I'm looking for someone who may have been in the same boat I am. Regardless, just looking for a little advice support. So thank you in advance and bear with me as I explain my situation. When did you know it was time to let go of someone? To let go of the relationship? Even when the foundation of the relationship is friendship. Have you ever gotten to the point where you wanted LOVE more than just friendship? Here's my issue. For the past 4+ years I have been attached to my friend of the opposite sex. Just to make it clear, I am the female. I fell in love with Matt about 3 years ago. I felt like I got hit with a bus when it happened. I remember sitting in his car, looking at him, and thinking "****.. it's happening." Our story goes back to six years ago. I met him at my senior prom. He was the date of a friend of mine at the time. After I returned from the freshman year of college, we started to become alarmingly close and I fell for him. Once we both started hanging out frequently, it started to become obvious to me, all my friends, and my entire family that there was a VERY obvious connection between Matt and I. We literally looked like boyfriend/girlfriend from the outside. When I was 22-23, I became more and more attached and couldn't contain my feelings anymore. Honestly, it got to the point where I felt like I was on one ****ed up mind game. I was emotionally drained, beyond hurt, and yet I still loved him. We made out once throughout our entire friendship, alcohol involved. Matt and I were never sexually involved besides making out once. Anyway, I felt like I was constantly being sent mixed signals. He has told friends of ours that he did like me but never pursued anything. He was always pushing and pulling away from me. So I eventually grew some balls and respectfully confronted him about it when we agreed to meet up to talk. He denied having feelings for me and we mutually agreed to split up for a bit. That lasted a whole 2 months. After 2 months, we began hanging out again and fell right back into the same situation. The whole pretend boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. I fell right back in love with him. I told myself, this time I'm not going to get attached and look elsewhere. But that's the problem, I can't detach myself and look at other guys. I feel like Matt has my heart. So here is my revelation. I am 24 and a half now. Over the past couple months, this predicament has been weighing heavily on my head and my heart. I am at the point where I am fed up and want to end our relationship completely if we can't go beyond friendship. I have been pretending that I am okay with being just friends, but I am not. I'll be honest, I think I hung around for so long hoping our friendship would progress to a more romantic one. I used to look at Matt, and feel like he wanted to tell me things but just couldn't bring himself to do so. I think it is time for me to permanently LET GO. A few times in the past I tried to distance myself from him, and the universe had its ways of bringing us back together. I look at him and just want nothing more to kiss him and touch him. I think I need to cut ties completely and make room for another man who will 100% share his heart with me. I am fed up with the mind games. I want to be able to tell someone I love him and have him tell me as well. I'll miss the friendship, but I won't miss the mind games and the mixed signals. I need to do what is right for me for once! IT IS TIME TO GO. Have anyone else experienced this kinda of thing? What did you do? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 yep, it happens. but you will never make room for a man who IS willing to give you his heart until you let go of the delusion that he keeps fueling. since he stands firm on not being connected to you - take him for his words and move forward. tell him you can't be friends because you deserve to find a man that makes you his priority. until he is eliminated - he's taking up the space that you need for the new man that will hold your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SheL113 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 until he is eliminated - he's taking up the space that you need for the new man that will hold your heart. ^^that is exactly how i feel. Ty. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Have anyone else experienced this kinda of thing? What did you do? I am in it right now but mine is even a worse situation here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=276161&highlight=addicted&page=9. It got to the point of beings pure hell to see her. I finally ended the friendship. It was even more painful to end it than to see her, but it was the only thing that gave me hope to stop the intense pain I felt seeing her. I have been NC about 17 days and it has been up and down for me. Just when I think I am doing better, I start to feel worse. Currently I am missing her and the friendship so much my mind starts thinking of going back to being friends, but I know what I am in store for. It is the worse situation that can happen to friends. Some people don't want to risk the friendship by being romantic but in my case I lost the friendship without even having a chance at the romance. Probably one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
rbtnylander Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 @Frank13: whoa man, I've read your story in your other thread and couldn't believe how similar it sounds to mine. I've only been in my 'situation' for 1/2 year, but reading about yours, it definitely started some fear creeping up on me that I'm going right down the same road... In my case we're right now prolly at the highest point of our friendship so far and have spent tons of time together after work in the last few weeks (I've wrote in detail about it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t279008/). In all honesty, I wanted to follow the advice of one buddy who said to spend more time with her, get to know her more, see her flaws as well and stop idealizing her and then it would be much easier to just be friends with her. But I'm starting to think that the buddy really underestimated the attraction/chemistry part and that going along with that was really stupid of me and it might actually have made things worse... I've not seen her for 2 days now (she's out of town with her daughter) and I'm starting to feel like a junkie in desperate need of a fix and it wasn't this bad before, when I was only seeing her at work... I never believed that 'addiction' could really apply to people too, but now I'm getting to the point where I can see it happening... And I don't want to because, just like in your case, I know there's not much hope of anything other than friendship between us (she's married). Based on other similar experiences I've read about, I guess we can at least consider ourselves lucky that our ladies were not that selfish/immature as to use us to validate themselves or just have someone running at their beck and call. Congratulations to you Frank! I really admire your strength, I can totally understant what you must've been going through, but you did exactly what I wish I could do in this type of situation. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I am looking for some feedback. I'm looking for someone who may have been in the same boat I am. Regardless, just looking for a little advice support. So thank you in advance and bear with me as I explain my situation. When did you know it was time to let go of someone? To let go of the relationship? Even when the foundation of the relationship is friendship. Have you ever gotten to the point where you wanted LOVE more than just friendship? Here's my issue. For the past 4+ years I have been attached to my friend of the opposite sex. Just to make it clear, I am the female. I fell in love with Matt about 3 years ago. I felt like I got hit with a bus when it happened. I remember sitting in his car, looking at him, and thinking "****.. it's happening." Our story goes back to six years ago. I met him at my senior prom. He was the date of a friend of mine at the time. After I returned from the freshman year of college, we started to become alarmingly close and I fell for him. Once we both started hanging out frequently, it started to become obvious to me, all my friends, and my entire family that there was a VERY obvious connection between Matt and I. We literally looked like boyfriend/girlfriend from the outside. When I was 22-23, I became more and more attached and couldn't contain my feelings anymore. Honestly, it got to the point where I felt like I was on one ****ed up mind game. I was emotionally drained, beyond hurt, and yet I still loved him. We made out once throughout our entire friendship, alcohol involved. Matt and I were never sexually involved besides making out once. Anyway, I felt like I was constantly being sent mixed signals. He has told friends of ours that he did like me but never pursued anything. He was always pushing and pulling away from me. So I eventually grew some balls and respectfully confronted him about it when we agreed to meet up to talk. He denied having feelings for me and we mutually agreed to split up for a bit. That lasted a whole 2 months. After 2 months, we began hanging out again and fell right back into the same situation. The whole pretend boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. I fell right back in love with him. I told myself, this time I'm not going to get attached and look elsewhere. But that's the problem, I can't detach myself and look at other guys. I feel like Matt has my heart. So here is my revelation. I am 24 and a half now. Over the past couple months, this predicament has been weighing heavily on my head and my heart. I am at the point where I am fed up and want to end our relationship completely if we can't go beyond friendship. I have been pretending that I am okay with being just friends, but I am not. I'll be honest, I think I hung around for so long hoping our friendship would progress to a more romantic one. I used to look at Matt, and feel like he wanted to tell me things but just couldn't bring himself to do so. I think it is time for me to permanently LET GO. A few times in the past I tried to distance myself from him, and the universe had its ways of bringing us back together. I look at him and just want nothing more to kiss him and touch him. I think I need to cut ties completely and make room for another man who will 100% share his heart with me. I am fed up with the mind games. I want to be able to tell someone I love him and have him tell me as well. I'll miss the friendship, but I won't miss the mind games and the mixed signals. I need to do what is right for me for once! IT IS TIME TO GO. Have anyone else experienced this kinda of thing? What did you do? Thank you! Read this amazing blog: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/letting-go-of-a-relationshipthat-doesnt-exist/ While it is written from a female perspective, it works for the fellas too. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Read this amazing blog: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/letting-go-of-a-relationshipthat-doesnt-exist/ While it is written from a female perspective, it works for the fellas too. Wow, this is awesome. While it all didn't apply to my situation, I did see my error in many relationships in which I had unrealistic expectations. Thank you, this site is very helpful! Link to post Share on other sites
crazyd Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Shel, some of the things you posted struck a chord, as I was in a similar situation. People who saw my friend and I around campus, and people in my family, claim that we looked like a couple. Problem was, she dated other guys, and I didn't have the gonads to have the "talk" with her until she was in a deeply committed relationship to a man she's been married to now for nearly ten years. I still have days when I think of her constantly, wishing she were next to me to provide support in times of need as she was in college. Time and distance have been the medicine for me. Your situation is different though, because he's still accessible to you. As such, you need to either accept that he'll only be your friend, or cut ties with him. You may need to do the latter, because with the strong feelings you have for him; you'll be denying yourself someone who can commit himself to you, and won't leave you in the friend zone. It's a tough situation, and wishing you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SheL113 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 you need to either accept that he'll only be your friend, or cut ties with him. You may need to do the latter, because with the strong feelings you have for him; you'll be denying yourself someone who can commit himself to you, and won't leave you in the friend zone. I feel like I am 100% set with cutting him out completely. I am at the point in my life when friendship isn't enough. And to add to it, everytime I look at him, I am reminded of his games. I don't want that. I don't want to get a text from someone or see someone and be reminded of all the BS. Im taking control from here on out. Cutting ties is the best option for me, and I am okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SheL113 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thank you everyone for your answers. I greatly appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
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