What is considered excessive alcohol consumption

[Argentina]

you may have read my other posts on this site about my husband with aspergers and depression and the difficulties that our family is facing. on top of these problems, my husband binge drinks 3 or 4 nights a week. I would estimate around 8 pints of beer. He is clearly intoxicated at this point (he is also on anti-depressants).

 

I have always thought this is a lot of alcohol, but then I don't drink. however, he claims this is quite moderate. what concerns me the most is that irrespective of how much he drinks, the alcohol takes away his ability to manage his emotional reactions. we have had numerous episodes over the years in which he has decided to pick an argument during his drinking sessions. some have resulted in the police being called because he has damaged property, pushed me around and threatened suicide.

 

I put my foot down the other day and said "no drinking in this house". this has resulted in him trying to coerce me into letting him have a drink. he believes I have taken away one of his enjoyments of life and that he cannot relax, watch tv or sleep without having a drink.

i have explained why i feel so strongly about it and that i have concerns for the safety of us and the children in the house when he is drinking. however, he claims he will not do that ever again (sorry, but I don't believe it). basically if i don't see things from his point of view I am accused of starting an argument. communication is always difficult anyway because of his aspergers.

[Fugu]

And no, if your husband is having 8 pints of beer in one evening, or even over the course of an entire day, that's not moderate; that's alcohol abuse. I've binged before, so I'm not going to put myself on a pedestal or anything, but it is what it is. Binging once in a while isn't bad, but your body needs time to recover. Your liver and kidneys need time to filter out toxins, and your body needs to rehydrate so that your organs can function properly. Additionally, your brain needs time to regain its basic cognitive functions. If someone is binging several times a week, that's putting a strain on the body. These are merely the physiological effects.

 

What concerns you and probably a lot of others are the psychosocial effects. Look, someone can quite consistently have maybe two or three pops a night and function well. They might not want sex as much, and they might head off to bed early, but they're otherwise okay. However, getting pissed up drunk on a regular basis is going to put a strain on any relationship.

 

Moderate drinking is probably defined as anywhere from 1-3 drinks for males, and 1-2 drinks for females. This can be done on a daily basis, and I do so myself at the end of the day, once I've done all of my work and once I know that I'm not going to be driving a vehicle again the rest of the day. Even with this moderate amount, there are days when I know that my body needs a break from alcohol.

 

Getting someone to stop drinking is hard ,though. I know that if my missus were to put her foot down, I would resist. She has accepted that I like to drink, but I have also accepted that I need to be careful with my boozing habits. Maybe what I would do is to allow him to drink as he pleases for a week, see what his high number is (max consumption in one day), and then gradually work him down to an acceptable amount. This would of course require some patience on your part, and a little bit of discipline on his. I don't think banning it outright will be effective, though. Even if you succeed, he'll just go somewhere else and drink when you're not looking. It's better to keep it out in the open, monitor it, and work toward a goal.

 

Another trick: get him to slow down the pace by replacing another drink in lieu of beer. For example, you let him drink a beer, but for every beer he drinks, he has to drink hot tea or water (water's better). Coffee's not a good idea, as it has a lot of caffeine which could cause heart problems over time.

 

I would try these methods first. If they don't work, then maybe yeah, get him to seek help. Put your foot down.

Edited May 22, 2011 by Fugu

[Argentina]

Thanks. It is good to get some feedback from someone who does drink. 1-3 drinks per night would not pose a problem. However, by his own admittance he cannot stop at this amount. On the odd occasion that I do have a drink 1 or 2 is enough.

However, I am going to work with the cutting down option as this seems the most peaceful way of compromising with him. ultimately, he needs to take responsibility for his actions.

[NYNEX]

Well, there are people who simply cannot drink or stop with one drink ever. He may need to quit drinking altogether.

 

If he really cares for his wife, children, job, and life, if he has to quit he will.

[Clep]

I do not believe that how much someone drinks matters. What does matter is who they are when they drink.

 

If he is doing the things you say he is, alcoholism could be something he has to deal with. That will not change by what you say, ask, plead or threaten.

 

What you did was set a healthy boundary where drinking in the house is concerned. What will you do when he comes home very drunk and creates an argument. That is most likely inevitable since he has to blame someone for his inability to control his drinking, and if he can start an argument and you take the bait, you are immediately to blame. There are all sorts of tactics that bring about complete frustration if you allow it.

 

The idea of you having anything to do with being a factor in any way with how much he drinks is completely useless. There are no tricks, tips or tactics to control how much anyone drinks. That just shows the need to control a situation that one has no control over. You are as powerless as he seems to be.