Good Arms Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Thanks a lot Facebook... It's very existence has caused untold pain for a lot of us heart-broken people, as it's so hard to resist the temptation to snoop, or too easy to see hurtful things by accident. But fine, they can hardly be blamed for that side effect of its popularity. And now, to rub it in... I try and reactivate and I'm told: "You'll have to wait 24 hours to reactivate". I've left my account mostly deactivated in the six months since being dumped, but logging in to check things now and again (ex and a number of her associates are blocked). It seems I've activated/deactivated so often that Facebook have this 24 hour wait thing kicking in. What the hell difference does it make to them? It's all automated anyway, just like logging in and out. I am trying to deactivate my account - why is Facebook is telling me I will have to wait 24 hrs before logging in when I reactivate it? We’ve noticed that this isn’t the first time you’re deactivating your account. While we want to make sure you have plenty of options, it can be confusing to your friends when you disappear.What? That's between me and my friends to decide! Try taking advantage of your privacy settings to control who sees your information. If you still want to deactivate your account, next time you reactivate it you will need to wait 24 hours before logging in. Just follow the same reactivation process as before. When you log in, you will see a clock showing you how much longer you have to wait. We will also send you an email when this 24 hour period is up.So I guess that because they've figured out I'm barely on there, they regard me as some scum who won't help generate any advertising revenue... so they're trying to put me off deactivating. I don't really need Facebook anyway, in fact it only depresses me to see what others are up to in their oh-so-wonderful lives. But when I'm only staying off it for my own good, it ****** me off that they won't let me have control over my own account. Maybe I should just delete it altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Every other post on here has something to do with Facebook... I can tell you at least 10 relationships of friends of mine that were ruined because of the use of Facebook... Every couple I know where someone in the relationship / marriage uses Facebook... problems / issues / drama / fights / arguments have stemmed from the use of Facebook. I know 3 marriages that were ruined because of the use of Facebook... That is not counting all the friends of friends stories I have heard or the 1,000+ here on Loveshack... Facebook = Relationship Killer / Homewrecker / Needless Drama How many stories do people have to hear before they wise up? Due to all the horror stories that we have all heard about Facebook... Most of the women I know now equate men that use Facebook to that of men with an STD. Link to post Share on other sites
Palmeiras Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 When a relationship ends, a person needs to separate him or herself from the carnage to reacquire perspective and sobriety. The proliferation of social networking sites stands as an obstacle to this healthy distancing. Upshot: until you are well and over a relationship, stay away from Facebook unless you can use it without shadowing and/or interacting with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Good Arms Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Every other post on here has something to do with Facebook... Very true! Most of mine in the past too, though I'm determined that I've now relapsed on fishing for info on my ex for the last time. I've learned my lesson (not having been heart-broken before, everything was new, and I was very naive about the whole NC concept) - if this happens again, I'm deleting and blocking from day 1 if I'm still on Facebook. And I'm not going to advertise my relationship status either - although that was her decision to make things official on FB and it was a bit quick to do it if you ask me, just a few days into dating. Most of the women I know now equate men that use Facebook to that of men with an STD. As for this thread, it's a bit pointless, but hopefully will be a heads up for anyone else yet to find out that FB don't like you deactivating over and over again. That's my intention, not to rehash all the known negatives that FB brings into relationships, and especially break-ups. Just frustrated at their ridiculous new policy... not that those who came up with it ever thought about grieving dumpees maybe deactivating FB as part of their coping needs! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I was a very active FB user when I was with my ex. I deleted her as a friend, but I didn't block her. I also requested that my parents and friends delete her as a friend as well so I wouldn't see things show up in my newsfeed that I did not want to see. We've been broken up for seven months and I haven't looked at her page in about six months. I don't google her either. I also use FB sparingly these days. It is downright evil when you are trying to get over a broken heart. Not only do you have to resist the temptation to look at their page, but you see your friends share details of their lives that hurt, like anniversaries, the beginning of relationships, the birth of children, etc. NC doesn't just mean not calling/texting/emailing/IM'ing. It also means not looking at social networking pages. I am completely ignorant of everything that has taken place in my ex's life since we broke up, and I want to keep it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Every other post on here has something to do with Facebook... I can tell you at least 10 relationships of friends of mine that were ruined because of the use of Facebook... Every couple I know where someone in the relationship / marriage uses Facebook... problems / issues / drama / fights / arguments have stemmed from the use of Facebook. I know 3 marriages that were ruined because of the use of Facebook... That is not counting all the friends of friends stories I have heard or the 1,000+ here on Loveshack... Facebook = Relationship Killer / Homewrecker / Needless Drama How many stories do people have to hear before they wise up? Due to all the horror stories that we have all heard about Facebook... Most of the women I know now equate men that use Facebook to that of men with an STD. on the flip side, facebook has also uncovered/exposed a ton of cheaters that would have otherwise gotten off scott free? if you're going to blame facebook for the cheating in the first place, that's an extremely weak argument. facebook cannot create cheating. but it CAN catch it. it led me to catching my ex cheating/lying to me about her ex. i honestly had no idea until facebook sent me signs...and had it not, the heartache would have just been that much bigger when i finally found out after more time spent with her. better to catch it early. yes there are other problems with facebook/relationships (ie. seeing stuff that isn't really there, ie. mispercpetion) but i'm just giivng you my own experience and how i thank facebook for exposing the whore. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thanks a lot Facebook... It's very existence has caused untold pain for a lot of us heart-broken people, as it's so hard to resist the temptation to snoop, or too easy to see hurtful things by accident. But fine, they can hardly be blamed for that side effect of its popularity. And now, to rub it in... I try and reactivate and I'm told: "You'll have to wait 24 hours to reactivate". . You're right. fb is the biggest snitch network on earth. do yourself a big favor and delete your account. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I'm not a big fan of facebook, thats unusual for a gen Y person. People become addicted to it. I know one of my co workers uses into the early hours in the morning. Then comes into work the next day tired. People say to me "but what do you? Don't you have a social life?". I say "of coarse I have a social life!" What ever happened to seeing people in real life? Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I was a very active FB user when I was with my ex. I deleted her as a friend, but I didn't block her. I also requested that my parents and friends delete her as a friend as well so I wouldn't see things show up in my newsfeed that I did not want to see. We've been broken up for seven months and I haven't looked at her page in about six months. I don't google her either. I also use FB sparingly these days. It is downright evil when you are trying to get over a broken heart. Not only do you have to resist the temptation to look at their page, but you see your friends share details of their lives that hurt, like anniversaries, the beginning of relationships, the birth of children, etc. NC doesn't just mean not calling/texting/emailing/IM'ing. It also means not looking at social networking pages. I am completely ignorant of everything that has taken place in my ex's life since we broke up, and I want to keep it that way. Where is your "LIKE" button!!!! I agree 100% with everything you said. I couldnt have said it better. Yes, fb really fked up my relationship that was already in bad shape. It has also kept us from reconnecting as well Link to post Share on other sites
plasma Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 agreed with everyone! if you must use FB, adjust privacy settings or resist addiction to get lost in it. use it carefully !!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You could always, uh, not use Facebook. Seriously, I've been toying with the idea of cutting my account for sometime. I think I've been at 260 'friends' for like the past year. I liked it when it first came out, but I've noticed that people can be a bunch of attention whores on that thing. Being a Loveshack troll is one thing, but when people start trolling while forgetting that they're using their real identity and not some handle....well, it's weird. Link to post Share on other sites
NSDNQ Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 hmm wonder if shes changed her profile pic, its been a long time two hours later: one look wont hurt, maybe she changed her hair or something... the next day: hmmm... our mutual freind didnt log off this computer two minutes later: WTF DOES THIS STATUS MEAN!!! DEAR LORD WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!!!! google search later: okay so its the lyric to a song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVN2b0DdZAQ half a bottle of whiskey and four hours of staring at the cutlery set later: ...... two days later: ... the next day: **** you facebook Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I was a very active FB user when I was with my ex. I deleted her as a friend, but I didn't block her. I also requested that my parents and friends delete her as a friend as well so I wouldn't see things show up in my newsfeed that I did not want to see. We've been broken up for seven months and I haven't looked at her page in about six months. I don't google her either. I also use FB sparingly these days. It is downright evil when you are trying to get over a broken heart. Not only do you have to resist the temptation to look at their page, but you see your friends share details of their lives that hurt, like anniversaries, the beginning of relationships, the birth of children, etc. NC doesn't just mean not calling/texting/emailing/IM'ing. It also means not looking at social networking pages. I am completely ignorant of everything that has taken place in my ex's life since we broke up, and I want to keep it that way. i completely agree with GreenPolicy. i too tried de-activating my facebook in an effort to not look at my ex's page. but after awhile i realized it was pointless because i could always re-activate it so i could look at it again. so i finally decided to simply leave it up. and even though i deleted my ex back in november, his wall posts are still visible. he's a total attention whore and posts stuff every other minute. so if i wanted to i could easily know what he's up to. but i don't. i supposed i could block him but in a way it makes me feel more in control to know i have that ability to look but make the decision*not*to - - if that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
swfc_77 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 i de-activated my account in apr 2010 and it was the best decision i'v ever made. my social life is a lot better and i cant imagine ever using another site like that again twitter, facebook, myspace ect ect as said above it causes problems, it does cause people to cheat because its instant temptation thrown at you with pictures/info on people you may never have come across in life. yeah i dont speak to as many friends as i use to but thier not really "friends" when they cant be bothered to pick up the phone and ask me for a beer. is it just me or does/did anyone else feel rather dirty/depressed/down after using it, i use to look at the clock and think wow " i just wasted 2 hours of my life doin nothing of any interest" Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Thanks a lot Facebook... It's very existence has caused untold pain for a lot of us heart-broken people. LOL - yeah, way to try to place the responsibility someplace other than where it ultimately belongs. Just exactly who created your Facebook account? Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I love social networking. I see it not as destroying people's relationships (though it has been having that effect), but as destroying the traditional and outdated concept of monogamy. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I don't get this whole Facebook bullsh*t. I neither like it nor use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) My thoughts on social networking summed up here http://www.despair.com/somevedi.html Edited May 24, 2011 by Frank13 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Facebook is an odd thing. It's helped me to stay in touch with various people I probably wouldn't have ordinarily stayed in touch with. I'll meet up with them every so often, generally have a really good time...and in that respect I think it's a useful social tool. Also, some of my oldest friends live far away now...and I really like to see pictures of them and their growing families. On the other hand, there are aspects of Facebook I really don't like. When people post passive aggressive updates, that's always crass...but I think it's too easy for people to give in to temptation to do that. In some cases, what people write on their walls can be used against them. For instance, people bitching about work. I disabled my Wall, because it just made me cringe. Facebook wall conversations remind me of people conducting private conversations (on the phone or with a friend sitting next to them) very loudly on public transport....as if they think other people will be enthralled to hear the minutiae of their lives. Also, discussing social/holiday arrangements on a wall instead of privately is a bad plan for various reasons. First of all, you're alerting other people to times you're not going to be at home. Secondly, other friends might feel left out with regard to social arrangements, which can cause hurt feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Good Arms Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 It's funny how this thread has gone off on a complete tangent from my intention (which I didn't make clear enough, I do tend to waffle) - which was a spur of the moment rant, and a warning to others about their restrictive policy against frequently deactivating your own account. But it just shows yet again how many people have found out how damaging FB can be - if the thread is yet another warning people to the dangers of Facebook, then I'm all in favour I also disabled my wall soon after I joined FB - was never one to mention private details in public, but when someone else did, I soon wised up to the absurdity of having a public wall where you have no control over things until it's too late. It makes me cringe too reading other people's private conversations broadcast to the world. I've never understood it. I essentially don't need Facebook, but as someone with social anxiety (if it must be given a name), I guess it made me feel more connected to people, most of whom are passing acquaintances through work rather than real friends. Now though, it just hurts, and even with the ex blocked the majority of my FB 'friends' know her. Any social gathering I see mentioned on there, it gets me wondering if she's involved, even when I've blocked her closest acquaintances too. On the other hand, it was probably me adding my ex on FB many months before she went after me that put a seed of interest in her mind... so it has its pros and cons. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 FB is fine as long as your single and not pining for anyone, or in a strong, committed relationship. If you've been dumped its obviously pretty painful unless you block ex or they block you. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 After me and my ex originally broke up, we agreed to not block each other on FB. I was really upset about the split so I decided that I would simply change my FB password to something really complicated and just not go on for a while. I did this for 7 weeks. I thought about it for a long time and eventually I decided that I would block my ex, her family, and all of her closest friends. I just couldn't bear to see her with another guy or something. I wish I had just done this from the get go because I had to take one last look at her profile before I did this. Very stupid. This was a major set back for me. Especially seeing all of the pictures of her looking like everything was great and that she had just dropped a bad habit. So take my advice. Block or Un-friend them immediately. Then you can use Facebook again. On another note. DO NOT SNOOP, odds are you will find something you don't want to see. Googling their email address or anything will most likely bring up stuff you don't want to see. Best of luck, especially to all the recent dumpees. It gets easier with time to resist the temptation to snoop or look at pictures of them. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 My thoughts on social networking summed up here http://www.despair.com/somevedi.html Umm... nobody cares about browsing through your hundred-page thoughts on your persoanl website. Just sum your thougths up here - in two short sentences. Why, oh why, do people think we care about what they think AND reading many pages of their thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Umm... nobody cares about browsing through your hundred-page thoughts on your persoanl website. Just sum your thougths up here - in two short sentences. Why, oh why, do people think we care about what they think AND reading many pages of their thoughts? What are you talking about? It was a link to an icon. It wasn't a personal website and it wasn't a hundred pages of thoughts. Why do people talk without a clue? Why would we want to hear your thoughts about something you haven't even looked at. Go troll somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Good Arms Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Yeah, at first I assumed the link was going to be some long blog post of thoughts... but then I clicked on it and saw it was a pretty clever t-shirt design. Link to post Share on other sites
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