User-123 Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 My wife recently cheated. She said it was a one night stand. She went back to the guy's place, made out on the sofa with him for a while. But when he tried to go further, she said "no" that it was wrong. But yet she spends the night and sleeps in his bed with him (she says she kept her clothes on). I think I am caught up on if she thought it was wrong why didn't she call me to pick her up? Or sleep on the sofa? Why sleep in his bed? Does the story she tells me sound true or false? Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 My wife recently cheated. She said it was a one night stand. She went back to the guy's place, made out on the sofa with him for a while. But when he tried to go further, she said "no" that it was wrong. But yet she spends the night and sleeps in his bed with him (she says she kept her clothes on). I think I am caught up on if she thought it was wrong why didn't she call me to pick her up? Or sleep on the sofa? Why sleep in his bed? Does the story she tells me sound true or false? You're going to be bombarded with a thread full of "dump the bytch" replies, so I figure I'd better get this in fast. First of all, hold her accountable for what she's done. She's clearly crossed a line here. You may not know for sure whether she did or did not actually sleep with him, but you don't have to. Don't let her play that game. Just tell her exactly that: I don't need to know everything to know you've been jerking me around. You both have some soul-searching to do here. You need to find out where her head's at, and you need to know where you go from here. Might not be a bad idea to move out until you can sort out the mess. Don't go to divorce court unless it's what you really want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 She ****ed him... I mean, when I think about it, how many times have I had a girl over on my couch making out with me STOP me when we take it to the bedroom? ZERO. If they stop me at the couch it has always meant that they didnt want to spend the night... Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 She probably did have intercourse but here is the deal. She went home with another guy and stayed the night. Ummmm. Not acceptable. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 My first response is that they had sex. But then again, when I was single, I have made out with guys but only slept with them that night (a couple of times at the beach come to mind), with no sexual activity below either belt. I also have a young friend whose GF spends the night with him but they do not have sex (she wants to wait for marriage). So yes, people can sleep in the same bed without sex. But you have to decide if intercourse is the deal-breaker here, or if it is all the other stuff. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
y2k Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 My wife recently cheated. She said it was a one night stand. She went back to the guy's place, made out on the sofa with him for a while. But when he tried to go further, she said "no" that it was wrong. But yet she spends the night and sleeps in his bed with him (she says she kept her clothes on). I think I am caught up on if she thought it was wrong why didn't she call me to pick her up? Or sleep on the sofa? Why sleep in his bed? Does the story she tells me sound true or false? Fugu is right in that you're going to get some "dump the bitch" responses. And here is one: Leave HER!!!!! Even if they never had sex, they made out and she was with him for a night. Get a self-esteem and go find a woman that will love you without obligation and not go with other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would believe such crap? She spent the night in bed with another man. What more do you need to know? She has played you for a fool and disrespected you in the worst possible way. Clearly she has no respect for you or your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Does it matter to you whether she had sex or "just" made out and spent the night in bed with him? Isn't it all betrayal? What is you limit? Only you can decide that. For me, if she was willing to go as far as making out and spending the night...I certainly wouldn't trust her to do the right thing any other time. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 What the He*L is the difference what she did---she spent the night with another man---YOU DO NOT NEED ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT!!!!! Your sub-conscious is gonna play havoc with you, in the form of visions, of what they actually did do---and if you don't wanna leave things to the imagination, you need to find out everything that DID happen---not what she is telling you in the way of damage control---tell her you want her to take a poly---see what that brings BUT---none of what happened there matters, beyond she went home with another man, while married to YOU---you don't need anything else Has she told you WHY---you better find that out 1st---also be hard as nails, about the way you handle this-----is she remorseful---have you set boundaries---- No lovey-dovey, no mr nice guy---for now-----she has to be ACCOUNTABLE----or she will do this AGAIN---if she thinks she can get away with it, as in swept under the rug!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Dump the bytch. You're being trickle-truthed. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You're going to be bombarded with a thread full of "dump the bytch" replies, so I figure I'd better get this in fast. First of all, hold her accountable for what she's done. She's clearly crossed a line here. You may not know for sure whether she did or did not actually sleep with him, but you don't have to. Don't let her play that game. Just tell her exactly that: I don't need to know everything to know you've been jerking me around. You both have some soul-searching to do here. You need to find out where her head's at, and you need to know where you go from here. Might not be a bad idea to move out until you can sort out the mess. Don't go to divorce court unless it's what you really want to do. This is good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You are married to a woman who has no self-control and acts on impulse. Only immature people act on impulse and she certainly qualifies. Since you don't know for certain whether she did the deed or not, reason dictates that you should not engage in sex with your wife. If you already have, have the two of you get checked out for STDs ASAP. It's ultimately both your choice to remain married or not. But be warned, if you chose to stay married to her it is going to be an excruciatingly painful experience for you due to the emotional roller-coaster you will be subjecting yourself to for months and possibly years to come. Once trust is broken it is seldom regained. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 OMFG. Really? She "made out with him but said stop AND *then* stayed and slept in his bed clothed?" You seriously believe that nonsense User-123? Really? Come on, you ain't that dumb dude. Are there no cabs where you live? Once she realized her mistake she COULD HAVE left easily, in two minutes she could have hopped in a cab and been home with you, WHERE SHE BELONGS. But she decided TO STAY! My god, don't fall for this crap. What a load she is dumping on you. Do what you will but please, don't be blind about what she *really* did. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You're going to be bombarded with a thread full of "dump the bytch" replies, so I figure I'd better get this in fast. Nothing wrong with "dump the biotch" advice. She's a liar and he doesn't have to put up with it. First of all, hold her accountable for what she's done. She's clearly crossed a line here. You may not know for sure whether she did or did not actually sleep with him, but you don't have to. Don't let her play that game. Just tell her exactly that: I don't need to know everything to know you've been jerking me around. He has a right to know, but like all cheaters, they minimize the facts to try and save their asses. You both have some soul-searching to do here. Nah only he does. Obviously she doesn't care about her marriage. You need to find out where her head's at, and you need to know where you go from here. Might not be a bad idea to move out until you can sort out the mess. Don't go to divorce court unless it's what you really want to do. It's not some complicated problem to figure out here. She cheated because she wanted to. User please leave your wife. She put your life at risk and totally disrespected you. Not to mention she's still lying to you. Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) How long have you been married? Do you have any kids? Do you have joint accounts? Was there a pre-nup involved? It is really your choice as to whether you divorce her or not, but it is a good idea to make sure that you have the legal advantage over her ASAP, just in case. Make sure you get an STD check too. Focus on rebuilding yourself before you act. Don't rush with your decision if you aren't sure of what you want. Just know that your wife is the one that needs to be working hard to regain your trust. The cards are on your table now. Edited May 23, 2011 by OldOnTheInside Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 WW's are known to lie about what they did with the OM. It's damage control. In their mind they are protecting you and themselves from the truth getting out. The best way to get a WW to spill the beans is to set up an appointment for a polygraph test. As the date gets closer to the test the pressure building up on the WW gets them to tell you before you go. They may give the whole truth or admit a new partial that there was more then kissing there was oral. Hoping this new confession will get you to cancel the test, don't. Tell WW you want the test to confirm what she just has admitted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 My wife recently cheated. She said it was a one night stand. She went back to the guy's place, made out on the sofa with him for a while. But when he tried to go further, she said "no" that it was wrong. yup, my x-wife told these half truths too. so she goes back to this guy's place and after making out, it was only wrong when he decided to go for more? I hope you don't buy that bulls***. But yet she spends the night and sleeps in his bed with him (she says she kept her clothes on). she thinks you are stupid. I think I am caught up on if she thought it was wrong why didn't she call me to pick her up? of thats what truly happened and she stopped him, she would have came home. Or sleep on the sofa? Why sleep in his bed? Does the story she tells me sound true or false? dude, she had sex with him, you can count on that. and in any case, unless she stays home and doesn't go out again, you won't be able to trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 From your other thread on the topic: "The night it happened we had dinner together and had a nice time. Later that night she went out with friends, got drunk, and hooked up with another man." The old Girls Night Out. Another... Oh, never mind. When will we men learn that women go to clubs for the same reasons we do? For a shot at the strange! Link to post Share on other sites
Author User-123 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Well, everyone was right- I got the true story tonight. Full blown foreplay and intercourse. Kicked her out for the night. Will need to think of what to do next. I told her she needed to get tested, luckily we have not done anything together since. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 If you let her back, it needs to be based on your terms,----put in your boundaries, with consequences you will act on------no lip service on your part----no mr nice guy, no lovey-dovey---she must be ACCOUNTABLE, and you must be very hardline about all of this Did she tell you why---she needed to go home with him, instead of come home to you----do not let her play the "too much alcohol card" Whatever you do, take your time and decide what is best for YOU, in making any decisions Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Well, everyone was right- I got the true story tonight. Full blown foreplay and intercourse. Kicked her out for the night. Will need to think of what to do next. I told her she needed to get tested, luckily we have not done anything together since. What do you want to do, right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author User-123 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Well I was back and forth with her tonight wheter it could work or not. We talked about divorce and we talked about some ideas or boundaries she would have if we tried to make it work. In the end I told her I didn't want her to stay here because I didn't think it's going to work. Of course now, my mind reels. It's tough. I'm not sure she thinks I'm her sole mate but maybe that feeling is normal? She was my everything, and she has sincerely apologized and feels terrible. How long should I let her live elsewhere? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Sorry dude. It sucks. You know we hate being right on threads like this. Well firstly what do you want to do? Do you want to take her back? This is something YOU need to figure out on your own. If not then that's that, file for divorce, and you can stop reading. If you do want to take her back then I would not let her live elsewhere at all. Tell her that if she wants to work things out, she needs to reform RIGHT NOW. Sit her down and lay down the rules: She will tell you the truth, the whole truth nothing but the truth. Any question you ask, she will answer truthfully and without hesitation. There will be no more secrets. And you will ask questions too, you need to find out everything that happened. Has it happened before? Has she told you everything?She will not have any contact with the OM ever again. She will call him up right now (with you present in the room) and tell him this. And that is it, forever. Make it clear that breach of this rule means divorce.She needs to become totally transparent to you. You will have all her email passwords, phone records, etc. You will be checking her phone messages. If she complains about privacy then she knows where the door is. She needs to PROVE to you that she is reformed. Her words mean nothing because she has cheated and lied to you.You will go to marriage counselling. If she does not agree to these rules then she is not fully committed to recovering the marriage and you know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Where does this quote from your other thread fit into the equasion? "She says it's not you, I cheated on you and it's opened my eyes and I realize I don't and probably haven't loved you in this marriage." I'm not playing "gotcha' journalist" here, it just seems like a statement that should be taken into consideration. Just sayin'... Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 And a note to husbands: IT IS PERFECTLY OK TO FORBID YOUR WIFE FROM W.H.O.R.I.N.G AROUND AT MEAT MARKETS UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP!!!! If I've done anything for anybody on all of these forums over the years, I hope I've gotten a few men to understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts