betterdeal Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) Definitely get in touch with a relationship counselling service. If you're in the UK, Relate is a good place to start. This may sound facile, but it's important: remember to eat well, sleep well, and keep up your personal hygiene and exercise. This kind of trauma can put you off your food, keep you awake and make you forget to shower / brush teeth etc. Maintaining those will keep you in good condition - something you'll appreciate at a time like this. Being run down / ill / fatigued / dishevelled will not help you through this period. As for the specifics of how long to stay apart, well, when you feel you can share the same space as each other is when. You sound highly emotional, as does she, and at such times the things we say aren't going to be very consistent. And with two people in that state, you can easily make matters more complicated trying to rationalise and make decisions together. Edited May 26, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 user, how long you let her live elsewhere, is something only you can decide. after being thru my ex cheating twice within less than a year i can say, i would never let her back in. i'm a firm believer in, if you cheat once you will do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 How does she have a noce quiet dinner with you and then end up in some other guys bed later that night? Who is this guy? How long has this been going on? To be honest with you. USUALLY, women don't just jump into bed someone. There had to have been some interaction beforehand. I still think you're not getting the whole story. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 It's very unlikely he will ever get the whole story. The best we can usually hope for is half-truths and white lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I think Chi Town makes an excellent point. There is probably much more to this story. She has a nice quiet dinner with you and then goes off and finds a stranger to have sex with the whole night? My guess is that there is a very good chance that she already knew him. Your wife has continually lied to you about this time and again. I think you should consider a polygraph for her to take for you to even consider taking her back. I just think that there is much more to this story. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 He user---to actually get some good, positive advice from us---you need to tell us, how she ended up in the ONS, in the 1st place---what were the events that led up to it, and caused it to happen----then we can give you some good solid advice, on how to deal Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Well I was back and forth with her tonight wheter it could work or not. We talked about divorce and we talked about some ideas or boundaries she would have if we tried to make it work. In the end I told her I didn't want her to stay here because I didn't think it's going to work. Of course now, my mind reels. It's tough. I'm not sure she thinks I'm her sole mate but maybe that feeling is normal? She was my everything, and she has sincerely apologized and feels terrible. How long should I let her live elsewhere? Forever and a day Link to post Share on other sites
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