hurting_in_nw Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 My 8-year-old son's mom and I divorced four years ago, and since then I've been the custodial parent, though she lives down the street basically and sees him regularly (every Thursday, plus every other Friday - Sun). It's actually been a very good situation all things considered, as my son gets to spend regular time with both parents as well as his half brother (same mom, different dad). Anyway, my company is relocating to Southern California, and it's quite likely I'll be getting an offer this week. My girlfriend of two years also works there, and she has already received her offer (we've agreed that our relationship is more important than jobs though, so either we both are happy with our offers and go together or we stay here together). Although neither of us is crazy about the idea of moving to SoCal, it is more money and career advancement, which are important things to us. The job market is terrible where we currently live for professionals, especially with this company moving away. So we're in a really tough spot...on the one hand, we have amazing friends here (I've been in the area for almost 11 years now), a great house, pretty much the perfect situation for my son, and overall we're very happy. But the chances of finding two jobs here that will allow all that to continue are slim. So the reality is that once our jobs are gone, whether we accept the offers to move to SoCal or we stay in Oregon, we will likely be moving at some point. This is the first time I've encountered this and I'm wondering if there are any parents who have been in similar situations, how you handled it, and what the pros/cons were for your children? I've been talking to my son about it, and he says it makes him sad to think about not seeing his mom and brother regularly. But he says that if we have to do it he will, and he'll be OK. I just want to make sure I make the right decision for him, and it's very tough to know what that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Wow... I hopped to this section looking to post a similar tough decision, but almost a flip to your situation. I'm kinda in your son's mom's shoes. My XW is the custodial parent to our 7 year old daughter, but I have nearly an identical schedule to your X: Thursdays and every other Thurs-Mon (I also get some extended time in the summer.) A friend has recently recommended me for a job 2.5 hours away. I'd have to move there, but the pay is more than double, and possibly triple after 2 years. It's tough to pass on an opportunity like that. I'm close enough that I'd still probably be able to get my every other weekend visits with my daughter though. I'm just really struggling with the idea of "abandoning" her to better my career, as I feel that's how others would see it. On the other side... a fresh start in a new place sounds very appealing also. Of course it's not that cut and dry, either. A couple weeks ago I applied for a pre-approval to purchase my first home here. 2 weeks and I hear nothing. My friend tells me about this job, and 3 hours later the bank calls to tell me I'm approved. Also, at the same time I applied for the loan, I started dating someone in the same place as the new job. Not sure if it is going anywhere yet, but we almost didn't meet because of the distance. It's hard not to factor that into my decision. Sorry my reply is so long... and late (not much for replies and you posted a while ago). I know you don't have to make the decision to leave your son behind, but you're still considering this for him and his mother. Also, with your situation, I'm unsure how the law works. If you decided to move, and gave notice to your son's mother, does she not have the option to deny your move through the courts? Pretty sure there was a statement to that affect in my divorce decree... Link to post Share on other sites
pilotDXB Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I'm an expat in Dubai at the moment, and there are many of my coworkers who are in similar situations. I am also canadian, but grew up with my parents in Hong Kong. I have observed the following: My recommendations are to visit schools and other incidentals with your son a little bit before to see how he feels about his potential future surroundings. Also, ensure that the transition is as smooth as possible in terms of your living situation. When i first moved to hong kong, the novelty wore off fast (i was 13). This said, when i got into school and met kids of m age who were in similar situations, i got used to it. As far as trips home were concerned, flying from hong kong to toronto is a grueeling flight, so i only did it twice a year. But if its a domestic flight, he should be in a position to conveniently see his mother. Link to post Share on other sites
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