Well, I'm in a bit of a pickle.

[Nubcakes]

Kay, I'm just gonna delve right in, here.

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. We live separately and have been very happy in our relationship. Recently, he's started saving for a down payment on a house and the other day we went looking at a few. Right now he lives about a 45 minute drive from me, and we looked at houses that were much closer to my own neighborhood... I said, "it would be so nice if you moved into this area, I wouldn't have to drive 45 minutes to see you anymore!" to which he responded, "well, I figured you'd be moving in with me."

 

I smiled and said "OOOOH! Well, that'd be pretty cool!"

He completely took me by surprise and I had no idea what to say. I know his last relationship had ended pretty nasty, the girl totally duped him. I think that may be why he didn't ask me straight up if I'd like to live with him.

 

Anyways, here's my beef. I adore him, I really do. He's my best friend and I know I can count on him. He's 27 and I'm 22. The way I see it, there are two issues I'm facing now.

A) I don't know if I want to move in with a man unless it's likely that we'll get married someday. I love him so much that I really believe that I could marry him someday and be happy. But, this brings me to issue number 2.

B) I'm not sure if I'm ready to know that I'll never date anyone else again. I know I'm still pretty young and that I'm going through a huge phase where over the next few years, I'll be doing a whole lot of changing. I wonder if I'll want to try dating other people and my boyfriend isn't the guy I'll want to marry, or if I'm just getting cold feet for some reason? It sounds horrible, doesn't it? I feel like there's something wrong with me.

 

I'm in a pickle. Any commentary or advice is much appreciated. Am I just being stupid, or is this my intuition telling me that he's really not the guy for me?

[myoung13]

First of all, you're not being stupid. It is very reasonable for a 22 year old to not want to make a lifelong commitment. I know it's not very "normal" these days, but neither is staying married to the same person your whole life, but I really would urge you not to move in together. It really does complicate things. Many studies have shown that you are much more likely to divorce if you cohabitate before marriage. I know this goes against the norm, but that's ok. If he wants to make a commitment to you, he'll ask you to marry him. Moving in together is not a natural "next step", it's a way for most men to have the benefits (if you know what I mean) without the ultimate commitment of a marriage. Again, I realize that I may be the only person to tell you this and I will most likely take heat from everyone else on here, but I think your intuition is telling you the same thing. Your wedding day will be even more exciting when you have put in the discipline to wait. I hope that helps.

[heartshaped]

I don't think age is such a factor as being ready is. I think one of the problems you might experience in your relationship is this age gap. Five years isn't a lot, but it's huge when it's 27 and 22. He's looking to buy a house for instance. He's looking to settle down and put down roots. You don't sound like you are ready for that and there's nothing wrong with that, but I think you need to be upfront and honest with your guy.

 

Tell him while you care for him you aren't ready to live together. If you also feel like you aren't ready to just be with one person for the rest of your life, I would be evaluating whether you even want to stay in this relationship if I were you. This isn't a casual dating situation; you've been dating for two years and he asked you to live with him. If you aren't ready for a serious, potentially life long relationship you need to be honest with yourself and him as well.

 

I went through this with my first serious boyfriend. We dated for years, but neither of us were ready to make a lifetime commitment.

[Nubcakes]

Thank you two for giving some insight I really appreciate it.

[Get]

I got married young, and yeah, you change a lot during your 20s. I mean, you can have an epiphany at any age, but it's normal for some major personality and priority changes to happen in your 20s. I would say that marrying, and consequently moving in with my partner, really helped me grow up. I became a lot less selfish. On the other hand, you can feel stifled because when you're asked to compromise yourself when you haven't even really developed who you are yet, it's confusing and sucks. Don't do it if you're unsure.

[2sure]

I said, "it would be so nice if you moved into this area, I wouldn't have to drive 45 minutes to see you anymore!" to which he responded, "well, I figured you'd be moving in with me."

 

You know what? He decided to save for a house, decided which house to lok at , and hasnt asked you to contribute or commit to the house...

So, the comment might have been as light hearted as your response...and no reason to think he is counting on it.

 

Seems like you have plenty of time to wait and see what happens and what you want...like I said, as long as he is not counting on your moving in, which should have been talked about seriously if that were the case.

[Fugu]

Kay, I'm just gonna delve right in, here.

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. We live separately and have been very happy in our relationship. Recently, he's started saving for a down payment on a house and the other day we went looking at a few. Right now he lives about a 45 minute drive from me, and we looked at houses that were much closer to my own neighborhood... I said, "it would be so nice if you moved into this area, I wouldn't have to drive 45 minutes to see you anymore!" to which he responded, "well, I figured you'd be moving in with me."

 

I smiled and said "OOOOH! Well, that'd be pretty cool!"

He completely took me by surprise and I had no idea what to say. I know his last relationship had ended pretty nasty, the girl totally duped him. I think that may be why he didn't ask me straight up if I'd like to live with him.

 

Anyways, here's my beef. I adore him, I really do. He's my best friend and I know I can count on him. He's 27 and I'm 22. The way I see it, there are two issues I'm facing now.

A) I don't know if I want to move in with a man unless it's likely that we'll get married someday. I love him so much that I really believe that I could marry him someday and be happy. But, this brings me to issue number 2.

B) I'm not sure if I'm ready to know that I'll never date anyone else again. I know I'm still pretty young and that I'm going through a huge phase where over the next few years, I'll be doing a whole lot of changing. I wonder if I'll want to try dating other people and my boyfriend isn't the guy I'll want to marry, or if I'm just getting cold feet for some reason? It sounds horrible, doesn't it? I feel like there's something wrong with me.

 

I'm in a pickle. Any commentary or advice is much appreciated. Am I just being stupid, or is this my intuition telling me that he's really not the guy for me?

 

1. Don't move in with him.

 

2. Explain why, but you don't have to say anything more than "I'm just not ready for that right now."

 

3. If you're not ready to marry but he is, then you need to have a meeting of the hearts and minds. Doesn't mean it's over, but there's going to be some things that need to be worked out.

[pincher76]

Kay, I'm just gonna delve right in, here.

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. We live separately and have been very happy in our relationship. Recently, he's started saving for a down payment on a house and the other day we went looking at a few. Right now he lives about a 45 minute drive from me, and we looked at houses that were much closer to my own neighborhood... I said, "it would be so nice if you moved into this area, I wouldn't have to drive 45 minutes to see you anymore!" to which he responded, "well, I figured you'd be moving in with me."

 

I smiled and said "OOOOH! Well, that'd be pretty cool!"

He completely took me by surprise and I had no idea what to say. I know his last relationship had ended pretty nasty, the girl totally duped him. I think that may be why he didn't ask me straight up if I'd like to live with him.

 

Anyways, here's my beef. I adore him, I really do. He's my best friend and I know I can count on him. He's 27 and I'm 22. The way I see it, there are two issues I'm facing now.

A) I don't know if I want to move in with a man unless it's likely that we'll get married someday. I love him so much that I really believe that I could marry him someday and be happy. But, this brings me to issue number 2.

B) I'm not sure if I'm ready to know that I'll never date anyone else again. I know I'm still pretty young and that I'm going through a huge phase where over the next few years, I'll be doing a whole lot of changing. I wonder if I'll want to try dating other people and my boyfriend isn't the guy I'll want to marry, or if I'm just getting cold feet for some reason? It sounds horrible, doesn't it? I feel like there's something wrong with me.

 

I'm in a pickle. Any commentary or advice is much appreciated. Am I just being stupid, or is this my intuition telling me that he's really not the guy for me?

 

 

Who you are and what you want in life at 22 won't necessarily be who you are and what you want when you're 32!

 

In my personal experience - I wish I would have waited to move in with a guy. I had a son and was desperate for a "family".. and overlooked things that I normally wouldn't have compromised on.

 

Unless you plan to marry this guy - I'd wait. And if you DO think you'll want to marry him.. than spend time talking about and going over all the issues in life that you'll have do decide together. Make sure your views are similar.

 

Just my two cents!