I want to tell him that I miss him.......

[Sassygirl2]

I have not had a lot of contact with my exbf who dumped me 5 weeks ago. A few emails, calls and texts but all regarding the dog we are sharing. (I know, I know). He dumped me but still wants to see the dog (which seems weird) that we adopted together 3 months ago. In the few times that I've seen him, he hasn't asked me about my kids or myself. I've played it cool and friendly when we exchange the dog. I haven't begged or pleaded.

 

In the whole 5 weeks since we've split I have not once told him that I miss him. I want to tell him really bad but I'm so afraid to be rejected again. If I text him, he probably won't respond. If I call, he won't answer. I just don't understand how someone drops you like a hot potato when you spend SO much time together.

 

How do you go from calling each other pet names and sharing everything together to just nothing? No talking, no contact. I don't understand. I guess today is just a bad day for me.

[Aqua066]

Sassy... we all have bad days believe me. I had one today. Just seeing my ex get a new car at work set it off for me... How stupid I know...! It just put a bunch of stupid stuff in my head. I wish I didn't work with her... but I do.

 

But keep this in mind.. you've only been NC for 5 weeks. That is a very short amount of time. I think it would be a very bad move to tell him that you miss him. It would bring you back to ground zero if he didn't reply or he dismissed it or whatever. It would hurt like hell. Its still too soon! You need to heal a lot more before you contact him and only when you won't care if he rejects you or not... Believe me. I made the biggest mistake in the world about eight weeks ago when I reached for the breadcrumbs my ex was throwing me. Then she pulled away on me again! It sucked! It was worse than when we actually broke up. .. Not sure if my story relates but thought I'd throw my two cents in...

 

Peace

 

Aqua

[9Lives]

I have not had a lot of contact with my exbf who dumped me 5 weeks ago. A few emails, calls and texts but all regarding the dog we are sharing. (I know, I know). He dumped me but still wants to see the dog (which seems weird) that we adopted together 3 months ago. In the few times that I've seen him, he hasn't asked me about my kids or myself. I've played it cool and friendly when we exchange the dog. I haven't begged or pleaded.

 

In the whole 5 weeks since we've split I have not once told him that I miss him. I want to tell him really bad but I'm so afraid to be rejected again. If I text him, he probably won't respond. If I call, he won't answer. I just don't understand how someone drops you like a hot potato when you spend SO much time together.

 

How do you go from calling each other pet names and sharing everything together to just nothing? No talking, no contact. I don't understand. I guess today is just a bad day for me.

 

Believe it or not, really this is good. You are handling it very well. You cant help but miss him....you was with him for a while. He misses you too it bet. He may not want to reconnect but you are on his mind. It is human nature.

 

It is best that you just accept that he is going to be in your mind for awhile every day and every night. The longer you stay away, the better it is for you. Even if he was to come at you right now, you are not even ready. This is a bad time because you will be giving him a vibe that he dont want from you right now.

 

It is always best to run into a ex when you are at your strength not your weakness. Just keep doing what you are doing. We are not lying to you, you are doing very well.

 

Why did you break up?

[Sassygirl2]

Thanks Aqua and 9Lives.

 

Yes, I have been doing pretty good but today was a rough day. I know it's because I saw him yesterday.

 

It helps hearing what you said about how it's too soon to contact him. I just wonder if there is ever a right time. I know he needs to miss me and all that stuff. He probably needs to go out on a few dates and realize what he gave up before he has any second thoughts.

 

He broke up with me because I showed him my ugly, angry side which came out the last few weeks of our year long relationship. I was under a tremendous amount of stress (still am but it's getting better) and I just lost it. We had two big fights and I was basically telling him that he wasn't paying enough attention to me and he thought he was. He is emotionally crippled in that he is a GUY. I mean no offense to any of the men out there that can actually deal with a stressed out woman without getting upset or angry with her.........

 

We had a lot going for us. We had blended our families (my kids and his) and were looking for a place to move into together. We bought a dog together.....spent most of our time with each other, etc... I think he got freaked out and ran for the hills. I really don't get it - still.

 

I thought that when two people loved each other that they would try to make things work? At least I know I would of. I have done all the right things since the break up - apologized - apologized - and told him why I was so stressed and that I needed AND am getting help now, etc.. but he still stays away from me or anything to do with talking about "us".

 

In the last 5 weeks I've accomplished quite a bit that was stressing me out for the last few months. I am still working on it and will always strive to not let anger get the best of me again. I feel like it was my fault that he left.

[Frank13]

He broke up with me because I showed him my ugly, angry side which came out the last few weeks of our year long relationship. I was under a tremendous amount of stress (still am but it's getting better) and I just lost it. We had two big fights and I was basically telling him that he wasn't paying enough attention to me and he thought he was.

 

I could be wrong but I think there is more to it from his side. I could see him being mad for a few days, but 5 weeks and he is still gone. I just think there is more to it and he won't say. I think he is just using the fights as his way out.

[Leda]

I could be wrong but I think there is more to it from his side. I could see him being mad for a few days, but 5 weeks and he is still gone. I just think there is more to it and he won't say. I think he is just using the fights as his way out.

 

Not necessarily. For some people, especially with kids involved, physically abusive behavior is not a red flag, but a dealbreaker. (Physically abusive behavior isn't just punching or hitting. It can include throwing things, screaming, acting threatening when you are angry instead of going off to calm down.) It sounded from your other threads like your ex is one of those people, for whom having a partner cross that physical line (throwing something, losing control in front of kids) does not need to happen more than once for the relationship to be over.

 

I know he needs to miss me and all that stuff. He probably needs to go out on a few dates and realize what he gave up before he has any second thoughts.

 

 

 

He probably does miss you. But what he gave up was somebody who crossed a line into abusive behavior with his kids in earshot. My guess is that he might have stayed with you to work it out, gone to therapy with you, waited out the years of therapy it might take you to get to the point of never, ever crossing that line again.

 

I doubt he's turned to internet dating because he took your relationship lightly. He's probably forcing himself, with great difficulty, to move on, and trying to commit himself to never looking back, so he can protect his kids from being in a situation like that.

 

You mentioned on another thread that he should've asked you to get help. For people who do not want to be in an abusive situation, it's the kind of thing that doesn't require asking. Like, "Please don't defecate on the living room floor." "Please don't have sex with my best friend." The healthy choice is to MOVE ON to a parter who would never, ever be tempted to cross the line into screaming abuse and throwing things.

 

Hopefully, if you make a real commitment to change and understand how serious your actions really were, you will be that healthy partner for someone new in the future. As is, it sounds like your ex made a healthy choice for his kids.

 

There's a real difference between the kind of communication problems that should be worked through as a couple, and dealbreaker behavior.

[Sassygirl2]

What you wrote makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you. I can see it a little clearer now.

 

I can see now how unhappy I was with myself and the things I had "taken on" in my life. It was the way I dealt with it. I wasn't doing anything to relieve the stress I was feeling and just started taking it out on people I love. I wish I could have a do over but I can't.

 

Our relationship wasn't perfect but I truly love him. We enjoyed each other's company and we were a good team. I just wish he wouldn't have cut me off like he did. It was very abrupt and we didn't even talk about it. It was just over. I go from sad to angry about it every day.

 

I've managed to screw up a few things in my life - I just hate the thought of knowing that I screwed this up too. I am going to therapy, got on some medication, and starting exercising and eating right. Not to mention the books I'm reading to increase my self-esteem and heal the anger I feel.

 

All I know is I don't ever want to go through this again.

[Katt22]

I really hope that you never have to feel pain like this again ever. I know it feels like your whole life is turned upside down and backwards but everything you are feeling and thinking is natural. The first few weeks after my ex basically dropped me like a bad habit with hardly a single explanation I sat literally just looking at his phone number on my phone and crying. I caved twice, called him up and then had to endure his unemotional awkwardness. Afterwards it felt like someone had ripped my heart out all over again.

 

We all have these weird temptations sometimes, we can be doing so well and then *bam* we're crippled by this random urge to reach out despite the fact that our rational mind knows better. Please listen to your rational mind. Don't put yourself through more pain, right now you need to heal you.

 

I'm proud of you for getting help with your anger, most people aren't smart enough or brave enough to really recognize they need to change their behavior. It takes two people to properly screw something up, don't forget that.

[Sassygirl2]

I really hope that you never have to feel pain like this again ever. I know it feels like your whole life is turned upside down and backwards but everything you are feeling and thinking is natural. The first few weeks after my ex basically dropped me like a bad habit with hardly a single explanation I sat literally just looking at his phone number on my phone and crying. I caved twice, called him up and then had to endure his unemotional awkwardness. Afterwards it felt like someone had ripped my heart out all over again.

 

We all have these weird temptations sometimes, we can be doing so well and then *bam* we're crippled by this random urge to reach out despite the fact that our rational mind knows better. Please listen to your rational mind. Don't put yourself through more pain, right now you need to heal you.

 

I'm proud of you for getting help with your anger, most people aren't smart enough or brave enough to really recognize they need to change their behavior. It takes two people to properly screw something up, don't forget that.

 

Thank you for your kind words Katt. This made me cry and smile at the same time!