What_Next Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 We are fakes and liars! Why? Gargoil says it is impossible to happily reconcile and the all-knowing Gargoil must know! I love it... Thanks for the morning laugh. What are YOU doing here???? We all know the answer to this one. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyAmazed Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 What I find interesting is that the angenda of the "pinheads" actually ends up uniting those who have had successful marriages after an affair. I have never been more hopeful and uplifted than when reading the posts of those (fWS or BS) with successful marriages that prove the pinheads wrong. So, if I look at the positive side, the pinheads stirred up enough good testimonies and wisdom that the agenda backfired on them and helped a fWS like me see the possibility of a better marriage than ever. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 What I find interesting is that the angenda of the "pinheads" actually ends up uniting those who have had successful marriages after an affair. I have never been more hopeful and uplifted than when reading the posts of those (fWS or BS) with successful marriages that prove the pinheads wrong. So, if I look at the positive side, the pinheads stirred up enough good testimonies and wisdom that the agenda backfired on them and helped a fWS like me see the possibility of a better marriage than ever.AND - when you see how the "pinheads" post, you know exactly WHY they are having M problems in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 What I find interesting is that the angenda of the "pinheads" actually ends up uniting those who have had successful marriages after an affair. I have never been more hopeful and uplifted than when reading the posts of those (fWS or BS) with successful marriages that prove the pinheads wrong. So, if I look at the positive side, the pinheads stirred up enough good testimonies and wisdom that the agenda backfired on them and helped a fWS like me see the possibility of a better marriage than ever. Janey, it certainly is possible if you put your heart and soul into it. Don't let any idiot tell you it is not. I love my wife more each day of my life. Have a good Memorial Day weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 I fail to see how anyone can constantly tell others that their reality is not so simply based on their experiences. Exactly! No one knows your reality better than you do. Of course it is possible to recover a M after infidelity - IF both parties want to, and both parties are prepared for the demands of doing so. It's not an easy option and so no doubt easy for those who fail at it to claim that it can't be done. I am M to a fWS. I have seen how it is possible for a fWS to address the issues within themselves that led to them straying. I have seen how a couple can address R issues so as to reinforce their M against those issues which leave it vulnerable to infidelity - we do "R work" every day, because our M matters to us. I do not for a second believe that a fBS and a fWS who are both as committed as we are to making our M work cannot do the same - after all, in many cases they have histories and shared investments in children, families, properties and social systems even beyond the love they feel for each other, motivating them to do so. Many of the posters here who have recovered Ms post here with great maturity, compassion and insight. Why is it such a stretch to believe that those same people could apply those same qualities to their M, not only salvaging it but reinventing it? Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 I fail to see how anyone can constantly tell others that their reality is not so simply based on their experiences. Happens all the time around here on LS....you're just noticing this now? Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 ... It's not an easy option and so no doubt easy for those who fail at it to claim that it can't be done. ... I "failed" reconciliation when my wife cheated on me but I in no way claim nor agree that it cannot be done. The problem is that the commitment MUST be present in both people, otherwise all the effort in the world won't matter. My ex-wife’s feigned attempt at reconciliation does leave me with the opinion that it's not only a difficult task to successfully reconcile but it is also quite rare. I applaud people like Owl and yourself, excellent examples of what can be accomplished when two people rekindle a lasting bond. But I resist making sweeping generalzations about either outcome from an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 (edited) I didnt know you were the "authority" on these matters so tell us, what kind of person do YOU think doesn't consider it wrong to betraying someone, cheat and engage in infidelity? Edited May 27, 2011 by Memphis Raines Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 That's it! Gargoil is the truth police and this is the inquisition! We can't be happily reconciled! We must be lying, to both ourselves and to other posters! We are to be discredited as liars and giving false promises that it can be done! We are fakes and liars! Why? Gargoil says it is impossible to happily reconcile and the all-knowing Gargoil must know! I do not know who you are or what your story is....and frankly my dear or sir, I don't give a damn! You are a person who NEEDS to be right, at any and all costs, and your misery speaks volumes, just volumes. Don't know your story, but it is not to heal or help. It is to nit pick and pull apart and to denigrate, accuse and divide, all in the name of what? Being right? hahahahahaha! Bet you have NO friends. Bet your story is a lie. Bet you could not reconcile, are miserable, and are made more so by those of us who have. You are the big lie on this thread. What IS your story Gargoil? Don't bother to disclose it. I would never believe it anyway. You have not one ounce of humility, which says to me you haven't experienced five minutes or relational pain, probably because you have never had anything resembling a relationship. You are attacking, unkind, and unreasonable. What are YOU doing here???? Woah! Finally. I was wondering how long it would take until someone actually made an attempt to (& hopefully successfully) put this guy in his place here............... Yay Spark. Sorry I'm not adding anything but this to this particular thread - Most already know that my marriage would be a success story. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 so tell us, what kind of person do YOU think doesn't consider it wrong to betraying someone, cheat and engage in infidelity? It depends.....on many factors. I wont make blanket statements about something that is almost never the same from one situation to another, varies in degrees, and varies according to those involved and the circumstances surrounding it.... I cant afford to be so naive. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 Oh whoa!... *my head hurts* I think is safe to say that Garwhatever is not a newbie to LS. Unreal that people don't have the b@lls to keep it real and say what they want under their known handle. Maybe they don't have one here anymore? Things that make you go Hhhmmm??? Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 Exactly! No one knows your reality better than you do. Of course it is possible to recover a M after infidelity - IF both parties want to, and both parties are prepared for the demands of doing so. It's not an easy option and so no doubt easy for those who fail at it to claim that it can't be done. I am M to a fWS. I have seen how it is possible for a fWS to address the issues within themselves that led to them straying. I have seen how a couple can address R issues so as to reinforce their M against those issues which leave it vulnerable to infidelity - we do "R work" every day, because our M matters to us. I do not for a second believe that a fBS and a fWS who are both as committed as we are to making our M work cannot do the same - after all, in many cases they have histories and shared investments in children, families, properties and social systems even beyond the love they feel for each other, motivating them to do so. Many of the posters here who have recovered Ms post here with great maturity, compassion and insight. Why is it such a stretch to believe that those same people could apply those same qualities to their M, not only salvaging it but reinventing it? OW, thank you for writing this. I'm not participating in this thread any longer but I wanted to let you know that I really liked what you wrote here. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 It depends.....on many factors. I wont make blanket statements about something that is almost never the same from one situation to another, varies in degrees, and varies according to those involved and the circumstances surrounding it.... I cant afford to be so naive. nice cop out Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 I think is safe to say that Garwhatever is not a newbie to LS. Unreal that people don't have the b@lls to keep it real and say what they want under their known handle. Maybe they don't have one here anymore? Well, it looks like Garwhatever is done... In relation to the original topic...there is nothing good or positive about what I did to my H. I am extremely fortunate that my H was willing to give me a second chance, and also that he was willing to look at his role in our relationship before my A. We have discussed many many times what worked and what didn't in our marriage. Now that is not an excuse for what I did; I completely understand and accept that. However, the A did force us to address the issues in our relationship...one of my H's terms of reconciliation was that we fix the major issues we had. And our marriage is moving forward in a positive way I think. It is not the same marriage; it is a different one, a better, more open and honest one. And not like everything is happy joy joy and fixed, but we feel hopeful. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 nice cop out No, I'm just a rational person Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 However, the A did force us to address the issues in our relationship... So you're basically saying your affair "forced" your husband to "address" the issues in your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 So you're basically saying your affair "forced" your husband to "address" the issues in your relationship. You seem to have misread. She used the word "us". Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 No, I'm just a rational person Yeah. Okay. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 You seem to have misread. She used the word "us". No I did not. Her affair did not "force" anyone to address the marital issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Kriss Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 It sounds like what she meant is that her spouse required some changes on her part as a condition to reconcile with her. She said it was her husband who insisted on changes in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 No I did not. Her affair did not "force" anyone to address the marital issues. ...but that's not what you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Kriss Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 It was her husband who insisted that issues be address in order to reconcile which suggests the issues related to her attitudes and behaviors before the affair, not his. If his attitudes were the problem then she would have been doing the insisting. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 ...but that's not what you said. Nonetheless her having an affair did not "force" anyone to address the marital issues. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) Nonetheless her having an affair did not "force" anyone to address the marital issues. Thats funny.... I didnt know you were actually a part of her marriage; which of course would qualify you to make definitive comment on what happened and why within the marriage.... is that one of those "sister wives" type thing you are involved in with the OP??? like one of those three way marriages we hear a little bit about? How contemporary of you Edited May 29, 2011 by StoneCold Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Thats funny.... I didnt know you were actually a part of her marriage; which of course would qualify you to make definitive comment on what happened and why within the marriage.... One doesn't need to be actually a part of a marriage to see something is warped. is that one of those "sister wives" type thing you are involved in with the OP???Yea I actually was. like one of those three way marriages we hear a little bit about? How contemporary of you Please spare the details about your experience with cuckoldry. Link to post Share on other sites
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