sunshine suki Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Hi everyone.. Long story short: After a one year smooth relationship (in which I gave my heart and soul), my boyfriend called it quit because I had 'the talk' with him on commitment. Bummer! After a pretty emotional break up, he asked for us to stay friends and I said yes. Eventhough I accepted the friendship request, I went NC from day one after the break up. I really had no interest in talking with him or seeing him. I just needed to heal and get rational. During a month, he called me a couple of times and ask me to hang out with him, which I refused, it was way too soon. He really was excited about this 'friend' thing but I was never contacting him. It seemed to me that it was just a mean to string me along and get the freedom and me at the same time. The last call I received was this week, around 11 p.m. and he suggested to come at my place to pick his things up. I said that he absolutely could pick his things up, but that it was too late that day and that he could come during the week-end. During this call, I also told him that I didn't want to remain friends with him even though I've previously accepted his friendship when we broke up. I saw that it was not working because I needed to heal. He seemed pretty disappointed and asked if we could be friends in the future.. I said I didn't know. He agreed on picking up his things this week-end and ultimately, he never called or showed up. I don't get why and what should I do next... I don't want to keep his stuff at my place.. Thanks for your help! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Your options are a few... Throw it all out... Put it in a box and leave outside your door and let him know where it is... box it and mail it.. It if is a lot then rent a storage place in his name, pay one months rent and mail him the key. Box it and deliver it to a friend of his or his family. Whatever you do get rid of it.. Crap like this becomes reasons for contact and he will pull it out anytime he wants to see if you are still on the hook. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Your options are a few... Throw it all out... Put it in a box and leave outside your door and let him know where it is... box it and mail it.. It if is a lot then rent a storage place in his name, pay one months rent and mail him the key. Box it and deliver it to a friend of his or his family. Whatever you do get rid of it.. Crap like this becomes reasons for contact and he will pull it out anytime he wants to see if you are still on the hook. Agreed. You can't keep his things, it keeps you from healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Hi everyone.. Long story short: After a one year smooth relationship (in which I gave my heart and soul), my boyfriend called it quit because I had 'the talk' with him on commitment. Bummer! After a pretty emotional break up, he asked for us to stay friends and I said yes. Eventhough I accepted the friendship request, I went NC from day one after the break up. I really had no interest in talking with him or seeing him. I just needed to heal and get rational. During a month, he called me a couple of times and ask me to hang out with him, which I refused, it was way too soon. He really was excited about this 'friend' thing but I was never contacting him. It seemed to me that it was just a mean to string me along and get the freedom and me at the same time. The last call I received was this week, around 11 p.m. and he suggested to come at my place to pick his things up. I said that he absolutely could pick his things up, but that it was too late that day and that he could come during the week-end. During this call, I also told him that I didn't want to remain friends with him even though I've previously accepted his friendship when we broke up. I saw that it was not working because I needed to heal. He seemed pretty disappointed and asked if we could be friends in the future.. I said I didn't know. He agreed on picking up his things this week-end and ultimately, he never called or showed up. I don't get why and what should I do next... I don't want to keep his stuff at my place.. Thanks for your help! You've been doing a GREAT job of maintaining your boundaries....more than I did when my ex and I broke up 2 years ago and more than 3/4 of the people on LS. You did NC, you haven't been hanging out or begging him back or doing anything you'll regret. I think he is shocked that you are being so good about not seeing him and he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want to commit but still wants to be "friends", and perhaps would push the boundaries into being able to get all the gf perks without actually making things serious. However, you are not even giving him a bit of room for this so he is starting to go above and beyond. I think the "picking up is stuff" thing was just a ploy to be around you and since you told him you didn't want to be friends, he didn't feel as excited about the prospect of getting the devil knows what from you anymore. He's not that concerned about his stuff clearly, as if he were, he would have gotten them from DAY 1, since he broke up with you. You can remind him about it and tell him that if he doesn't get them in a week you're throwing them out quite simply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine suki Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 THANK GOD there is a site like LS for getting such nice support! Thanks girls, I really appreciate it! Beeotch: ''I think the "picking up is stuff" thing was just a ploy to be around you and since you told him you didn't want to be friends, he didn't feel as excited about the prospect of getting the devil knows what from you anymore.''This hurts but I think you are right.. I think this guy really was just thinking about the benefits. That is how 'high' he thinks of me. Wow, that is pretty sad. Art_Critic: I love the suggestion of putting it in a storage place... that is a good idea! ''Crap like this becomes reasons for contact and he will pull it out anytime he wants to see if you are still on the hook.'' This is SO TRUE: Those guys are so manipulative.. I just can't believe it!... He's letting time flies and will probably 'try again later' and have a good reason for it.. I'm seriously blown away but those poor strategies..! Link to post Share on other sites
nana841121 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 And it's beneficial for you to see how low your ex is. Just send back his stuff.and ignore him and live your own life. Lucky to get rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine suki Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) Wow, thank you so much ladies for your replies. I feel heard and it helps me so much to go further ahead. You know, I've read all of your suggestions, which are so great. They helped me think about it all. I quickly visualized myself doing all of those: Packing his stuff and shipping it to him, storing it and sending him the key, leave it to his friends of family. My friends also encouraged me to give him an ultimatum and also suggest the same as you've proposed. Well.... I thought about it all and you know what? After reviewing all of those options, none of them felt just 'Right'... Weird he? How is that if doing so is supposed to help me 'heal'? The truth is that at this point, I just feel that I don't want to give any more credit/time/attention to this situation or him. At the other end (him), I think that ',attention'' is what is expected from that situation of not picking his stuff. In doing some of those 'actions', that are supposed to help me heal, I'm 'reacting' to his behaviour, and to some extent, giving it credit. I'm feeding the 'dialogue', as unhealthy as it is. I'm validating him and his behavior. Unfortunately, I don't have time or energy to invest in this. So my final choice, the one that felt right, is INDIFFERENCE. No words. No efforts. No attention. No waste of emotions on this. I'm keeping it for something worth it. This is not worth it. Yep, I'm sitting in the breeze, I'm drinking a pina colada, I'm enjoying the parade. I'm the Queen. And I won't raise an eyebrow for this joker. Final. His stuff?... What stuff? What GUY? Page turned. I've landed and I see everything very clearly now. Edited May 25, 2011 by sunshine suki Link to post Share on other sites
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 when my ex and i broke up he didn't want to move the rest of his stuff out to his new place OR give me the key to our apt. why? cause that would close the door on us...and he wanted to have a foot in teh door in case he changed his mind. you need to not let this guy make the decisions...he decided NOT to be with you and that's the only decision he should need to make to let you know that you need to make decisions now. either A- get rid of his stuff (depending on what it is i'm sure its all replaceable) B- leave it on your porch (front of your door whatever) and email him to let him know he can pick it up or C- mail it to him by no means should you keep contacting him to get his stuff and by no means should you keep it there. you need to gain control. OH HOW I WISH i would have reacted the way I am telling you....heres your chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine suki Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Fortunately enough MyHeartHurtsOuch, we were not living together so.. he hasn't too much stuff here. But he just missed his chance to get it back.. too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Fortunately enough MyHeartHurtsOuch, we were not living together so.. he hasn't too much stuff here. But he just missed his chance to get it back.. too bad. Thats awesome so toss it and thats that.....he tossed you and now you toss him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Wow, thank you so much ladies for your replies. I feel heard and it helps me so much to go further ahead. You know, I've read all of your suggestions, which are so great. They helped me think about it all. I quickly visualized myself doing all of those: Packing his stuff and shipping it to him, storing it and sending him the key, leave it to his friends of family. My friends also encouraged me to give him an ultimatum and also suggest the same as you've proposed. Well.... I thought about it all and you know what? After reviewing all of those options, none of them felt just 'Right'... Weird he? How is that if doing so is supposed to help me 'heal'? The truth is that at this point, I just feel that I don't want to give any more credit/time/attention to this situation or him. At the other end (him), I think that ',attention'' is what is expected from that situation of not picking his stuff. In doing some of those 'actions', that are supposed to help me heal, I'm 'reacting' to his behaviour, and to some extent, giving it credit. I'm feeding the 'dialogue', as unhealthy as it is. I'm validating him and his behavior. Unfortunately, I don't have time or energy to invest in this. So my final choice, the one that felt right, is INDIFFERENCE. No words. No efforts. No attention. No waste of emotions on this. I'm keeping it for something worth it. This is not worth it. Yep, I'm sitting in the breeze, I'm drinking a pina colada, I'm enjoying the parade. I'm the Queen. And I won't raise an eyebrow for this joker. Final. His stuff?... What stuff? What GUY? Page turned. I've landed and I see everything very clearly now. Art endorses this post Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine suki Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Thanks Art, really appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Damn Sunshine! I want to be just like you when I grow up! I love how you've turned all this around to empower you instead of defeat you. Keep moving forward, stick to those boundaries and you'll be good as new in no time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine suki Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Damn Sunshine! I want to be just like you when I grow up! Awwww, thank you Geegirl, that is so cute and funny! I do feel empowered now... after giving up so much of myself for the relationship and him, it is about time! Ladies, do keep your head up.. you'll feel so much better in the end. I wish you all loads of good love.. but start by giving the best to yourself FIRST, while in a relationship or after a break up! This makes the world a better place.. even if it is counter intuitive (Women has to learn that!!) Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Awwww, thank you Geegirl, that is so cute and funny! I do feel empowered now... after giving up so much of myself for the relationship and him, it is about time! Ladies, do keep your head up.. you'll feel so much better in the end. I wish you all loads of good love.. but start by giving the best to yourself FIRST, while in a relationship or after a break up! This makes the world a better place.. even if it is counter intuitive (Women has to learn that!!) Getting to that point where you see everything with so much clarity is empowering. I'm happy for you. You've found it sooner rather than later! So many struggles here but it's refreshing to come across a post like this because it gives me hope as I am in the up and down stage of getting over him. My one blessing is that I am at that stage where I will not break NC no matter how sad I feel and how much I want him but just holding on to the fact that it's now all about ME! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine suki Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 You can do it!! You have to let go.. And while doing it, I strongly encourage you to read some inspiring books on empowerment and ones that will help you understand your situation. This one reallly helped me: He's scared, she's scared - Steven Carter. Link to post Share on other sites
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