LonerGirl Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 (edited) I have been dating a guy from work since February. We were friends for a few months beforehand and he told me that he is an alcoholic. He is 33 now, but he says he spent most of his 20s drunk. He was irresponsible, dropped out of school, ignored his family, and generally was in denial about his problem. A little over 2 years ago he got a DUI. He had just recently moved back home to start college again. His parents were understandably upset and disappointed. It was at this point that he knew he had to change. Since then he has barely drank and he has gotten drunk only a few times. The semester ended in the beginning of the month. He did extremely well and got straight As. He's smart, but also highly dedicated to studying. Last month he said that after his brothers birthday (May 17) he would't drink anymore. He tells me how guilty it makes him and how sick it makes him feel now. However, since school ended he has started hanging out with his friends more and this means he is more likely to drink. Yesterday he had three beers at a baseball game we went to. He wasn't drunk, but he seemed buzzed. Tonight he went out to dinner with friends and I have an idea that he will probably drink then too. In a few weeks he'll be going on vacation for a week to visit an old friend and he thinks he will drink then too. Then he has a concert to go to with is friends in June where he will also most likely drink. I'm worried about him, but I'm not sure what to say to him. He tells me he feels guilty afterward, but he still does it. I have never drank so I don't completely understand the control it has over him. My question is how can I support him? Is he going down the wrong road? He says his sobriety is very important to him and I don't want him to do something he regrets. He can be very hard on himself when he messes up. Is there anything I can say to him that won't seem like I'm nagging him or pointing out his faults? I would like to know from someone that is dealing with alcoholism what they think is the best thing I can do for him even if it is just letting him have to deal with this himself. I just want him to know that I'm there for him if he needs me. Edited May 24, 2011 by LonerGirl Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 You should attend some of the Alanon meetings for folks who are related to or in relationships with alcoholics. And he should have some sort of group support as well. Alcoholism can be debilitating...it will destroy his life if he doesn't get it under control. My brother has been to rehab three time and he's drinking again. You can't make him stop - only he can do that...all you can do is not enable him, or tell him "it's ok" or anything of the sort. You will learn a lot about your particular situation by attending one or two of those meetings...this is going to become a choice each of you needs to make - he needs to choose to not drink while others do or to not attend functions where he cannot stop himself from drinking...and if he doesn't choose either of those you have to choose whether you want to remain with an alcoholic or walk away now...the disease and addiction will eventually consume him if he doesn't get it under control - once that happens you will be very secondary in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 What you should really do, is break off the relationship asap. This guy clearly isn't serious about quitting his drinking, and HIS DRINKING will drag you through a living hell before your time together is up. You simply don't need that, and it is early enough for you to opt for a different, more peaceful path. Link to post Share on other sites
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