sinkerswim Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I am very sad that I cannot have that same life I had with my fiance. Like, going to see him play his sports... or talking to his friends and family. All of the fun stuff we did together. This is very tough to think that I may never do that again. I miss that life. I hate saying goodbye to all of that. I wish I can speak to his friends and family..but I know I shouldnt do that at all. I feel helpless. I will miss all the family parties I went to with him. I miss his cat... Or going to see him play softball in the summer. I was the one to cheer him on. I cannot believe any of this. 8 years... and now its all gone. It feels like part of my life has been erased. Sometimes I think I just cant take it anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Breaking up from a long term relationship is exactly like getting a divorce.....all the years are now irrelevant. Or are they? They were a part of what shaped you into the person you've become. Once some time has went by and you feel less pain.....you WILL come out of it a stronger person. I looked at mine like this. This thing I most feared came upon me and I made it through it. What could I possibly ever be afraid of again? I don't want to repeat it.....but I came out of it with a better understanding myself and actually, a much nicer person. FOR NOW Sink....it does feel like it was all such a loss. In time though....you'll find yourself again and be able to move on older, wiser and stronger. I know this has been a terrible time for you. You have no idea how much I wish I could give you a hug from time to time. I SOOO know how you feel. All I can do though is assure you that it does get better. When you are ready....try to go on some casual dates to get your self esteem back up. It only SEEMS like he is the only guy in the world for you. You'll find that NOT to be true..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Arabess,, Thank you so much for your response..you have been very helpful to me on here. I hope that in due time this will get easier for me..But I guess because its all too new and I am still clinging onto hope that its just not going away. It IS the worst feeling in the world. Its like a death. Thank you again..you are very kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 You know what bothered me the most? The fact that he could actually survive without communicating with me. I realize he had the 'diversion' of a war.....but GAWD.....it was UNTHINKABLE that he could go on without me in his life. I did the break up.....but I thought he would fight for US. But he didn't. He made a couple of half hearted efforts....but it was too little....too late. I finally MADE myself quit asking the 'What if' questions and just got mad as hell. It's in that anger that I moved on. You may have to find an emotion within you to get you beyond the weepy stage. Yeah....I'll forgive him one day....but NOT today. HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 How long were you together? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 2.5 years......so I can only IMAGINE what you must be feeling since your relationship covered such a long period of time of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 2 1/2 years is still a long time. Yeah....I was turning 23 when I met him... he was turning 22. we were young. But I always knew he was going to be the one... Well, he was for 8 years anyway.. and my fiance. But I guess he doesnt want that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Sinkerswim, you say it is like a death, losing your fiance. From all that you write, you are actively grieving. Yes, it's like mourning an actual death. Have you read any books on grieving, or anything at all that can offer help in coping with your loss? I must add that your fiance has given you no definite closure, and then acting as if you're bothering him if you call. My humble suggestion is that you write him a goodbye - without anger or pleading or resentment - and tell him that you're moving on. Maybe it will help you acknowledge to yourself that it really is over. Of course, you are probably not ready to do this. It's something to consider, though. You may not even mail the letter, but writing it may help you get some closure. Link to post Share on other sites
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