laurasp Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I'm a 24-year-old girl, and there's this guy I've known for over 6 years. We have studied together at university, and had a sort of on-and-off friendship, but growing stronger over the last couple of years. Since we don't live in the same city we often communicate via e-mail or sms, and an ocasional get-together when he's in my city on some errand and we're both avalaible to meet. Now, I've have been noticing some "changes" in his behavior towards me for the last three or four months. Of course, I have to say, he's naturally kind and gentlemanlike. But these are the facts: -He keeps telling me I'm his best friend and compliments me a lot (about my clothes, or how he believes I've lost weight, stuff like that) -He insists on accompanying me to wherever I go. -He's made me a very touching birthday gift, and when he gave it to me I found him very nervous. -I'm not sure about this one, but I seem to have noticed he makes some unconscious? slight physical contact with me (like pressing his knee against mine when seated, or touching my arm to guide me through the streets) Now, for the negative: while he behaves this way most of the time, there are other moments in which I think he tries to avoid me, not answering my messages, and after while he would write to me again saying how sorry he is for his silence. The problem is I have no way of telling if he behaves like this with all his other friends or if it is just with me. A couple of weeks ago I tried to ask him if there's any reason for his acting so strangely lately (specifically, I e-mailed him not to seem too intrusive; he's normally reserved about his feelings and I didn't want to scare him off). I never got an answer from him--he's preparing a very important and difficult exam, due in two months, and all this thing could just mean he's nervous and has his mind who-knows-where. So, my question is what does he really mean when he says I'm his best friend? I can't imagine my other close friends (male or female) saying that to me. I don't know if he's literal in his statement or if he's implying something he doesn't dare to speak aloud. Several years ago he had a sour experience with a common acquientance who didn't love him back; could it be that he's afraid story repeats itself? Thanx in advance. PS: I haven't mentioned I have a big crush on this guy, and I just hope I'm not misinterpreting him. I don't know what I should do next, if anything. I'm not sure I could face rejection and I value dearly our friendship, but perhaps is time to try to move things further. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Most women expect men to make a pass at them sexually to confirm their feelings, however your friend sounds a bit like me - I need emotional safety and seciurty before I can go further (physically and sexually) in a relationship. I think you just need to give him time and support to nourish his emotional feelings before going any further - and if I am right, think how lucky you are to have a man that wants you emotionally and not just for your body! Best of luck, and let me know if I'm right - I'd like to beleive there are other men out there that are like this Cheers, A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
laurasp Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Thank you for the advice. You're probably right, but I'm not sure what do you mean by "emotional safety and security". Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 I guess that I feel like she is not going to laugh at me and walk away if I say something odd, or if she sees me naked. That even thought there is not a long term committment yet, I feel safe with her and that she has my well being in mind. Contrary to what many people think, women use men and belittle them just as much as men do women, and I need to feel secure that I won't be hurt emotionally before I open up to a woman physically. It sounds like you do care for this man and do have nis well-being in mind (unless you just want to jump his bones to find out what it's like after having a crush on him for so long, and then you'll dump him) so I would advise You to take the next step and not wait for him. He sounds shy and maybe not so sure of himself, and I think you could risk making the first move and it would be o.k. Just make it something funny that you can get out of it doens't seem what he wants. Maybe say somthinge like, "you know -his name- we've been friends for 6 years and been threrw alot. probably the only thing we havent done is slept with each other" see how he responds to something like that. If he freezes up, then kiss him. If he loks like you judt told him he was the ugliest toad on the earrth, then say something like "and that's probably what makes us such good friends" Hope this helpes ... and good luck ps. let me know how it goes if you want, you can private messaage me if you want to Cheers A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
laurasp Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Well, this is surely an original advice; I'm going to think it over. This guy is certainly shy, and perhaps I could build his confidence if I show more interest. And I have no intention of dumping him. If the situation arises, I'll be the one not wanting to part from him forever. Thank you very much for having answered me. Link to post Share on other sites
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