climbskirun Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 My ex and i were together for 6 years. We had so much fun when we were together we always had a smile on our faces. If you saw us out for dinner you would think that we were a new couple in honeymoon stage not the 6 year relationship. We had a unusual connection we knew the same people on the opposite side of the country we both had same goals and intrests in life. The past year though has been on and off for us, we broke up 3 times. The 2nd break up is when it got bad. She left me for someone she worked with (someone w/ a lot money). A few months later she got back together bc she missed me and wanted to make things work. Well I did everything i could to make it work and she did nothing to make it work, she was still talking and hooking up with the other guy(sugar daddy). I called her out on it when i found out and she was quick to break up w/ me and only a few days before the breakup she was telling me how she wanted to spend the rest of her life and marry me. Now she is back with the sugar daddy and they have nothing in common besides work. We broke up in mid Feburary and I'm just having the hardest time getting over her. Seems like even now i can't go 15 minutes with out thinking of her. I exercise like Jack La lane which helps a tiny bit but not much. I can't go out on dates or be w/ another woman it doesn't feel right. There was so much love i had for her the type of love that people dream of finding and I don't think i can ever love someone the same way. I have the feeling she will contact me but I don't think I could ever forgive her or trust her again she caused way too much damage. Which is really sad I was ready to start a family w/ her. Now I feel i missed my chance at having a family being that I'm 39 and for me to have that feeling towards another woman will take a long time. i just end up shaking my head all the time and saying to myself "Corinne I can't believe you did this" "I thought you were different" Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Mate, I do exactly the same thing with the head shake - I must look like a nutter cos I keep doing it! It's the constant internal dialogue with myself that is the trigger for this behaviour and I am attending a mindfulness course to try to turn it off. I too thought my ex was different, I admit it wasn't her fault but after 8 years together I thought she would have talked things through, we both said time after time how special our bond was :0( I'm now 34 - can't see myself getting over this any time soon although I am way better than I was 4 months ago. I worry that I won't feel anything for anyone else again and that is sooooo sad. I honestly believe that no one could possible love her more than me but at the end of the day, she doesn't love me anymore so it is what it is. Stay strong - we'll get through it, it's not forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author climbskirun Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 BD thankyou for the reply! Good to hear I'm not the only one looking like nut shaking his head. Link to post Share on other sites
Anxiety Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I know how you feel, not knowing whether you can love someone again. I feel the same way. Just the thought of dating again makes me feel uncomfortable. Even though its been six months since our breakup, going out with someone else almost makes me feel like I would be cheating since my heart still belongs to her. I'll be 39 soon, and I think my ship has already sailed as far as having a family is concerned. I feel I lost my only shot and I was so close to having my dreams come true. Link to post Share on other sites
NicoleM Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Same here! I am having a terrible time lately. Even though we were not in a serious relationship I still cared for him and I keep thinking to myself what if I slept with him would of that made things better?? It is always the worst when you imagine them with another person or you trust someone and they let you down and you think to yourself can I ever trust someone again?? Best of advice is ( I am working on it lol) chin up and try and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
stopthemadness Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) Hi, so sorry for your heart ache. I came on here to let you know that it does get better. Sounds like she wasnt the one for you. So its better to except it and try too start healing that broken heart of yours. Once someone breaks up with you and then comes back, their starting a patten that you just dont want to get sucked into. I know because I played that game for 8 1/2 years!!! Yea see how long that could go on if you let it. Iam out of my Breakup 10 months now(wow had to count) with 4 months of N/C. I know from experince that its ONLY when you start total no contact that you start to heal. Let her be with suger daddy, knock yourself the heck out. Thats what you should be thinking. I know its hard at first, Ive been there. I put myself in therapy right after our last breakup cause I just couldnt keep doing this back and forth thing any more. Thats how i thought of my user name "stop the madness" and Am very happy to say that i have. I have stopped the madness. And now its your turn. Heres what I learned from my therapist. See we already know how this all plays out if we get back 2gether with our exs right. And it NEVER ends well. So when you think you want to reach out to her. Play it all out in your mind, what you would say, what she would say and keep going. Think about what you guys would do and think about EVERYTHING leave nothing out. After a few seconds believe me your in an argument and one of you is saying they want to leave the relationship!! My ex has been reaching out to me over the last few weeks.(gona do a new post lter on it) But i dont respond. Not because Iam strong on anything, but because. I know how this story ends!! I wanta get into a new relationship(when am ready) where it stands a chance!! Where I dont know how its gona end, cause maybe just maybe its not gona end!! So you hang in there. Post here if you need to vent. Go to the chat line too..that helped me ALOT for a while a was on there alot. Hope this helped you..Stay strong..In time this to shall pass...... Edited May 25, 2011 by stopthemadness Link to post Share on other sites
Calendula Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 What is the age difference between you and your ex? Is it possible that she got cold feet because you two got serious? Or is it possible that after 6 years of being together she was waiting for you to propose marriage and move on to the next stage of the relationship and then she finally gave up waiting? Perhaps she has chosen to take her life in a different direction because she didn't see things with you changing in a way that she wanted... Things always change. We sometimes get to choose the direction in which things change, but we also have to remember that not acting is still a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author climbskirun Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Thank you for all the replies! Stopthemadness that was a great reply. Calendula, she is 35 i'm 39. I was going to propose to her in January 2010 around her Birthday but we broke up for the 1st time. we got back together a few months later and summer 2010 we made palns to go to France where i was once again going to ask her to marry me. 2 weeks before the trip she broke up w/ me and started seeing sugar daddy. She was always uptight about my finaces also. I never told her how much I had saved which was about 18x the amount that i said I had saved. i wanted her to love me for who I was not what I have. So we got back together in September bc she missed me and wanted to make things work between us. Things I thought were great between us and around mid December i asked what she thought about spending the rest of her life w/ me and getting married. I wanted to hear what she thought bc i had this big plan of ice skating in Central park and asking her to marry me. She told me "i can't imagine spending the rest of my life w/ anyone' I said i was going to ask you to marry me. She said "i would have said NO" . So I said I'm going to give this a couple more months if you don't change your mind i'm gone. Ok everything is going well until we were up in Vermont and she put my computer on my lap w/ her email open. i saw she sent sugar daddy an email and i looked to see what it was about. It was a music video about how girls take up the butt to make guys cum. I was pissed and was ready to walk. She convinced me to stay and she told he was the reason why she would have said no to me in December. Now that I found the email she was telling me she wanted to spend the rest of her life w/ me and marry me. I was hanging out w/ her on lazy day and she showed me her password to her phone account so I went and looked at her call and text history. She was calling him and texting him everyday when she told me she was not talking to him. That is when i called her out on her lying and she was quick to break up w/ me. She won't admit it but I know she was cheating on me. We have talked a few times since Febuary but nothing good has happened only got worse. She told me she is sleeping w/ Sugar daddy again and likes having sex w/ him. I really wanted to have a family w/ her. My family is pissed at her for what she put me through. Thank you all this helps me a lot! i just hope i can fall in love again Link to post Share on other sites
flyman Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Hey there, sorry to hear what you have been going through. Judging from the last post that you have written, it seems like this woman put you through hell. She doesn't deserve be in your life, especially after what she has done to you man. I understand your feeling. To ask yourself when you are going to feel the same way about someone else. Once you finally move on, I'm confident that you will find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author climbskirun Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Thank you fly man yes now that i look at it she did put me through hell. when we were together i was blind to everything Link to post Share on other sites
Author climbskirun Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 It has been 5 months since we broke and i still miss her a lot. I have not contacted but she started contacting me so we have talked. I was mean to her at first bc she told me she was sleeping w/ sugar daddy again but not anymore bc she feels he is not the right one for her. She wanted to see me bc she missed me and the friendship we had. So I agred to see her. We had breakfast togeher and we hugged each other she told me that the hug was felt perfect. I asked her what her intentions were and if she wanted to get back w/ me. She said it's too soon to know and did not want to give me an answer yet. she does say we had a special bond w/ each other. Now when i just talked to her she is making all these excuses saying she misses everything beside being intimate w me. But yet misses our friendship hugging, holding hands and waking up next to me. She said she wonders if were ever right for each other. She said That i don't get her juices flowing that she may be a lesbian. She said something was missing and i asked what it was but she had no idea. I said the only missing was your honesty. She easly falls into temptation and this other guy she fell into temptation w/ him bc he would not stop persuing her. I was starting to move on now she brought me back to square 1. Link to post Share on other sites
Author climbskirun Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Why is she contacting me after 5 months and saying she misses me but just as friends and wants to see me? is she playing games to see how i react? i would think after 5 months being she said we were not right for each other and didn't want to waste anymore time, she would have moved on and not miss me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
dng Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Why is she contacting me after 5 months and saying she misses me but just as friends and wants to see me? is she playing games to see how i react? i would think after 5 months being she said we were not right for each other and didn't want to waste anymore time, she would have moved on and not miss me anymore. I wish I could track you down to smack you behind the head. Mind games, mind games, mind games. She is toying with you because she can. Go NC, let her down in every way and pretend to never look back until you really dont. In a while the fog will lift and you'll realize she's not who you think she is. Healthy people dont leave someone they love just like that, to then come back and play cruel mind games on them. Its just not right and I want you to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
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