I'm doing all the work!

[tinytink]

So get this...I've been dating my guy long distance for almost a year now. I live in Md and he is from SC. Prior to our getting together, he was in another long distance relationship with a girl in CA. After getting to know each other, he decided to move out there to be with her. Needless to say, they broke up and now two years later, we are happy and in love...except for one thing. Over the past year, he has not been out to visit me at home once. Whenever we see each other, I am the one that has to sacrifice my personal/work time in order for us to see each other. Although he does help pay for these visits, he always has an excuse for why it should be me to do all the traveling (mostly work related). Not that I have any problem with SC; his family is wonderful and I really like it there. But now, we have decided that we want to move in together by next Fall...except that I don't think that he is willing to move here. I told him that I would be willing to leave everything so that we could be together hoping that he would say the same in response. Unfortunately, he has never been excited about the idea of living in MD and he is ecstatic that we will be living together soon. I don't know what to do. He is the most wonderful man that I have ever known and I know that I am in love with him...we've even talked about how and where we will get married one day. But a part of me wonders if it is fair that so much is riding on me and what I choose to do. I am pretty sure that he is like this because he got burned in his last relationship. But is that really fair to me? Please help! Any comments would be appreciated.

[moimeme]

You're the only person who can decide whether you have too many things you love where you live to leave or whether you'd enjoy moving to where he lives. Don't make this about principle but about what you really like and want. However, I'd suggest not moving in with him when you move to his town. Take a place of your own and live there for a while so you can spend time together without the added stress of trying to live together.

[spencer]

excellent idea moimeme

[tinytink]

Your advice is very good and I do appreciate your opinions, but it is hard not to look at the overall picture and not consider principles. I know that when the time comes, it will be hard but worth the sacrifice to move to be with him. That is not the issue here. It just bothers me because one thought will always linger in the back of my mind: "would he have ultimately made the same sacrifice to be with me?"

 

I am 22 years old and not really ready to settle down or anything, but I know that we will have a wonderful future together. I have complete faith in the strength of our relationship and can very easily see myself marrying this man one day.

 

I don't know if maybe I am just being selfish or am making too much out of things. I guess I just expect "the love that I give" to be the love that I receive and I feel like, in a few ways, I'm getting the short end of it.

 

It also doesn't help when my friends are torn about how they feel about my situation. They know that we make each other very happy and that we love each other, but they can't understand why he hasn't been out to visit yet or why he wouldn't consider moving here. They don't understand why, if he really loves me as much as he says he does and wants to make a good effort to know everything about me, he wouldn't come and meet my friends and get to know my family.

 

This is where my insecurities are coming from - I know it.

 

To his credit, he does plan on visiting sometime over the summer so that he can do all of this and help me get situated for the move. I just wish that it wouldn't seem so "forced" or so close to the time that I leave.

 

My parents love him, but have a serious problem with him whisking away their baby girl without making a valiant effort to be around more.

 

I still feel very uneasy about all this - Am I just overthinking things or do I have significant reason to worry?

[tinytink]

First of all, thank you for the advice - it is appreciated...I know in my heart that whatever I decide to do do will be right and that, although it will be hard, it will be well worth it in the end. I am more than wiling to move - that is not the issue here.

 

That being said... my problem is that I don't want to have the thought "would he have been willing to do the same for me?" lurking in the back of my mind. As I said before, he moved to CA to be with his last girlfriend so I don't think that it is a matter of him being afraid to leave what is familiar to him - I think that he is scared that he might get burned again (which if this is the case, I know that it is an insecurity on his part and out of my hands). Either way, it is something that makes me uneasy.

 

My guy is 23 and I am 22. I already know that I want to marry him one day and the feeling is mutual. Neither one of us is ready to settle down yet, but we do look forward to a lot together while we are leading up to that. He is a wonderful person and we are EXTREMELY happy when we are together. My own insecurities are a result of what my friends and parents have to say about the situation. My friends are very happy for me because they know that I finally found what I am looking for. They just don't understand why he won't come to visit. I have tried to explain that because of the demands of his job, it is difficult to request time off, but they feel that if he really loves me as much as he says he does and truly wants to make me happy, that he would come to MD to meet my friends, get to know my family better, and at the very least, spend some time in MD before ruling it out for good. My parents LOVE him, but have reservations about letting me move half-way across the country without him first making a valiant attempt to familiarize himself better with the rest of the family (I am the baby, after all).

 

I don't want to try to justify his absence and I don't even know if I am right to feel the way I do. For all I know I could just be over-thinking things. Either way, I need advice...do I have reason to have reservations?