The Other Woman is having a hard time

[YellowShark]

Wow. What a story. So lemme get this straight.

 

You're a stay at home dad who's MD wife works her butt off a 100 hours a week to pay your bills but you are banging another married woman who is, quote, "your soul mate." And before you dump your wife -to be with Liz- you want to use your wife as an unsuspecting incubator because you think your current child needs a sibling and you're a good parent?

 

That's messed up dude. Sorry to say. On so many levels.

Edited May 25, 2011 by YellowShark

[NoIDidn't]

So, does the woman without the uterus have a job? Even with a master's degree, if you haven't worked in awhile, its going to be hard to get a job/start a career.

 

But, yeah, bent was on the money. I can't believe you would want to use your W as an incubator and drop the bomb of wanting a divorce on her after she's all packed up to move. That's beyond passive aggressive, that's just plain cowardly.

 

Snap out of that fog, buddy. Reality is going to hit you hard if you don't.

 

What does "Liz" do for a living? I can only imagine the ego stroke of messing around behind the back of a physician.

[Angelina527]

Wow. What a story. So lemme get this straight.

 

You're a stay at home dad who's MD wife works her butt off a 100 hours a week to pay your bills but you are banging another married woman who is, quote, "your soul mate." And before you dump your wife -to be with Liz- you want to use your wife as an unsuspecting incubator because you think your current child needs a sibling and you're a good parent?

 

That's messed up dude. Sorry to say. On so many levels.

 

Yeah, and THEN he wants to get full custody. That's just great...just further destroy BW. Talk about heartless.

[woinlove]

 

I'm an amazing dad

 

I'm curious. What makes you think you are an amazing dad? Most amazing dads have empathy and compassion for those close to them, who they claim to like. An amazing dad would not plan to have a child through a route that involves conceiving that child under false pretenses by secretly planning to take that child away from their mother shortly after their birth. An amazing dad cares a great deal about the relationship and access his child has to his/her mother as well.

[Carrot2000]

Parents who are whole and healthy generally want the best for their children, even before they are born. Why would you even consider bringing another child into the world if you're planning to rip your family apart? Do you honestly think your wife is going to sit back and let another woman raise her babies?

 

Why would you even consider bringing another life into this messed up situation?

 

Your daughter needs an intact family, not another sibling.

[Spark1111]

This is some interesting stuff, Spark.

 

Do you have any references that the OP or anyone could check into if they wanted to learn more?

 

I think you are on to something though. OP, at least think about what Spark is saying and maybe explore this further.

 

I have been reading lately in evolutionary biology and evolutionary science. It is a relatively new field, but explains a lot.

 

The primary purpose of sex is procreation, whether we admit that or not. That is why we cannot explain our attraction to others logically because it is chemical and primal.

 

We are seeking to improve our gene pool, to create the strongest offspring, to procreate the species. It explains why opposites attract, mate, and then have difficulty remembering what they had in common. Maybe nothing, except stronger genes, hence stronger offspring.

 

A man chooses, whether he realizes it or not, the best mate to improve his gene pool and his lineage. He chooses a woman who will nurture his offspring to maturity. He often begins to resent such a child oriented woman, but his genes chose her for this very reason!

 

If a man is no longer attached to a woman, the last thing he would do is create a baby with her! Just does not happen. If he does, it speaks to his subconcious trying to alert him that she is still a superior woman.

 

Sorry for the t/j.....but the OP needs to examine this, seriously, with a competent therapist.

 

And where are the male posters? I would have hoped they would have weighed in on this.

 

Men, who would you choose to have a baby with? And why?

[bloppy]

He doesn't have a job and wants custody of the child. Where is going to live? How is going to pay for it? Maybe he wants another child so he can get more money for child support. Is Liz going to leave her H? Does she want to take on the responsibilty of raising two more children? That's a lot to take on even if you are "soulmates".

[NoIDidn't]

Anyone who still doesn't believe in "The FOG" after reading the OP in this thread needs to get their head checked.

 

The OP hasn't thought about the actual ramifications of ANY of his thoughts. He hasn't thought about his W's reaction, the OW's reaction, the public reaction, or even that of his child.

 

Its really amazing to see the Fog in full-effect. All you can do is shake your head and say "Bless your heart".

[Emme]

Jay.. .. If you are out there, please don't run. I would like to hear some of your replies to the questions asked. You might not only be helping yourself but another person down the line. If you can find the time. Thank you.

[herenow]

I'm not sure what a degree of any sort has to do with the situation these people are in. There are many brilliant people on this earth who have done horrible things.

 

Degree or no degree, what you are proposing to do to your wife is despicable. If you have any kind feelings for her, you will tell her about your plan and let her be part of the decision to have another child knowing the truth.

[John Who]

I don't even know where to begin....

Since you are a stay at home dad and seem to have everything planned out is your ow going to allow you to continue to be a stay at home dad once you kick your wife to the curb?

 

This is just my opinion and I do not know you but I believe your in a cloud right now not reality.

 

Hope you make the right choice.

[TurboGirl]

He doesn't have a job and wants custody of the child. Where is going to live? How is going to pay for it? Maybe he wants another child so he can get more money for child support. Is Liz going to leave her H? Does she want to take on the responsibilty of raising two more children? That's a lot to take on even if you are "soulmates".

 

I was thinking that. Also thinking that when/if the W finds out about the fact that she was used for her reproductive capability... WOW the S*** will really hit the fan. Considering the OP has no job, the W could sue for primary custody and win in some states.

 

OP... your thread is entitled "The Other Woman is having a hard time" doesn't sound like she is having a hard time. Sounds like she is ok with things for the most part. Sounds like YOU are the one who wants this & that and everything to be exactly how he wants it to be. The way I see it, you will hurt your OW big time all because she can't have a baby (true love, that!)... and also your W, your W that is out there slaving away to support you while you play house with your OW and concoct a plan to take her family away from her.

 

I read what your wrote about that you are all "smart" people. Well, yippee ka yay for you. Not too smart, really, about the way you are planning out your life. Every stay at home dad I have either met or heard of had other issues that made it difficult for him to keep or obtain a decent job - and it was easier in the long run just to give him the job of happy housewife. So your "smarts" mean nothing to many of us here on Loveshack.

[26pointblue]

By the way Jay, I can tell you from experience people in here don't like people with degrees. They will tell them how stupid they think that you are and that you are lying. I am not sure why but it is better off that you pretend you work at Burger King to get an respect in here.. Just letting you know! GOD forbid if your educated butt actually makes a grammatical error.....

 

OMG you have got to be kidding me. You write like a teenager & you think we don't like you because you don't have a degree? :lmao: That's just rich!

 

I have a doctorate degree & people in here like me just fine. So get over yourself.

[OldOnTheInside]

I would expect this to be a troll post personally. Although fact has been stranger then fiction in the past.

 

To stay on topic, you are ****ed with whatever choice you make.

 

Seriously.

[crazy love]

just listening in

[Lucky_One]

If I take your post at face value, I see some issues.

 

1) You are expecting that you will impregnate your wife ASAP. It could take 6 months, plus 9 months of pregnancy (15 months). Your wife's job change is scheduled for 16 months from now. It is doubtful that she would be moving or working in September.

 

2) You are expecting that your wife's pregnancy will not keep her in her current work setting or that it will not change her work schedule.

 

3) You are expecting that Child #2 will be born in perfect health (with a safe delivery and no complications for your wife) and that you will have zero issues in taking care of two children by yourself.

 

4) You are expecting that you will gain full custody of a newborn, plus a 4 year old (age at birth of baby).

 

5) You are expecting that your wife will have no issues to moving to another state, and leaving her child, her newborn baby, and her husband behind.

 

6) You are expecting a non-multiple birth.

 

7) You are possibly expecting that your wife will cheerfully pay you alimony and child support, without the expectation that you will have to put your newborn and your child in childcare and you enter the workforce.

 

From a purely practical standpoint, you may want to rethink your plan here.

[Stung]

Wow not a troll at all

 

Maybe my situation is this messed up.

 

Your situation is one of the worst things I have ever heard from anyone ever.

 

You have been cheating on your wife for three years, now you want to impregnate her while witholding the information that you are in love with another woman, while you are actively planning to divorce her and take custody of the baby away from her, along with your toddler? And you expect your OW to do what, exactly--welcome this new baby you conceived deliberately against her will as her own, perhaps support you financially while you stay home to raise it? The whole thing is so selfish and narcissistic that it crosses over into surreal. That you would even entertain the notion suggests you should seriously pursue therapy in order to restore your emotional health, and help you become a more fit moral role model for the child you already have.

 

Wow.

[Stung]

Parents who are whole and healthy generally want the best for their children, even before they are born. Why would you even consider bringing another child into the world if you're planning to rip your family apart?.

 

In an attempt to be more constructive, I will say that I agree with this whole-heartedly.

 

In addition, I was/am an only child, and I'm doing fairly well in life. I don't know by what yardstick you measure, but I am happy, educated, well-traveled, well-read, an artist and an entrepreneur, and I have a healthy marriage and a family of my own. I also have an excellent and close relationship with my father, whom I value greatly as my closest male role model. I would be absolutely devastated to ever find out that my own amazing dad, that smart, thoughtful man who taught me so much, was actually so morally bankrupt as to have ever even considered treating another human being as an incubator.

[carrie999]

[scene opens at cozy romantic Italian restaurant replete with candles and all]

[We find our lovebirds having a romantic and intimate dinner together (paid for by JayjosephMN'ss hard working MD wife because JayjosephMN is himself unemployed)

 

JayjosephMN: Oh my love, my truest love. I can't wait to be with you forever....:love:

MOW: ...Oh my dearest, I can't wait to be with you forever too:love:

JayjosephMN: You cut me off my love...

MOW: <giggles> OH smoochy-pie , I'm so sorry...what were you going to say?

JayjosephMN: I will file for D just as soon as I get her pregnant again...ok?

MOW: What the f_ck did you just say? I thought you weren't having sex with her just like Im totally not having sex with my H

JayjosephMN: I don't want to have sex with her, really I don't...I mean, its not like with you baby...but...

MOW: ...but what you azzhole.

JayjosephMN: I have to because she can pregnant and you can't - I mean, she has all her parts ya know...and your parts are in a jar of formaldehyde somewhere. My daughter deserves to have siblings.

MOW: What the hell do you think my kids will be?

 

JayJosephMN, I gotta hand it to you man, you really know how to make a lady feel special.

 

HAHAHAHA!!! Well put!!! Any of us who has been involved in an affair is guilty of some convoluted thinking and misplaced emotions, but Jay, you seem delusional.

 

First off, your wife worked her a** off for 12+ years for very little compensation to get to a point where she is supporting her supposedly faithful husband and child, and she's still working 100+ hour weeks in hopes of settling into a position where she can really be part of the family she worked hard to create and support. You admitted to being too passive-aggressive to let her in on your divorce plans until just before you announce them. That's bad enough. Now you're seriously entertaining knocking her up, letting her go through a whole pregnancy "for your daughter's needs for a sibling" and leaving her??? AND thinking you deserve custody of both children because you're the primary caregiver?

 

Forgive me, but your head is lodged very firmly up your a**. And like others who are not happy with you have stated, I'm also an OW who cheated on my own fiance before ending it. I'm not speaking from a moral high ground. This is just one of the most screwed up situations I can imagine.

 

Yes, follow the other posters' advice. You need counseling. And your wife deserves to know that you're leaving her, whether or not you choose to once the cards fall. Nobody deserves this crap.