SJC2008 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 This question is mostly geared toward the ladies. I'm a 29 year old man and want to get married and start having kids no later than my mid 30's, but it's not something that I want to force or rush into just for the sake of "getting married". I am single and trying to date more, that being said, I obviously don't want to scare any dates off but I do want to know If I'm dating someone who is looking for the same thing as well. How/when would I bring this up , I've never discussed this with a woman before. I don't want to scare the ladies off and think I'm "wife hunting" but I dont want to waste my time either with someone who does not have the same goals I do. I guess I feel like this because the big three-oh is knocking on my door lol! Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I think it's great that you know that you aren't willing to rush into things just for the sake of getting married as you say. I think most mature women would not mind discussing core values and things they are interested in having for their future within a month or two of initial date. First 3 dates should be casual with casual inquiries and maybe after dates 4 or 5 if you really start feeling a connection with the woman....bring it up and ask the woman if she's ever thought about what she would like as far as a future - not with you but in general. Of course if you want a woman to view you as marriage material know the basics: Keep consistent communication Don't play games or tolerate games from her Try not to sleep with them on the first date. It doesn't mean it won't work out but....it can make things complicated for the girl. Don't chase after a girl that is "scared" by your admitting to want to get married to someone in the future. If it scares her and she gives you lots of drama - leave it be. GOOD LUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Act like you want want marriage and to settle down. The less you want it the more they do and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 as long as you stay in the same general age bracket as you then there is a great chance that she will want the same thing. Just be yourself and enjoy the time together with her and as the time passes you will be able to see if you have a future with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 There's nothing wrong with wife-hunting, i.e. looking for a lasting relationship which will hopefully lead to marriage. Many women are husband-hunting, and would be overjoyed to find out that you're looking for a serious relationship and wouldn't be reluctant to get married if the relationship was a good one. It's perfectly reasonable to ask someone how they see their life in five years, if they ever want to get married to anyone and/or have children, etc. There's no point wasting time and getting attached to someone who isn't on the same page. If a girl is scared off by the mere suggestion of marriage then she wasn't ready for a serious relationship anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Alfie Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Well it sounds like you are serious about dating so I am assuming that before you even go on these dates you have a particular type of woman that you want to date i.e. someone around your same age, financially stable, family-oriented etc. Maybe the first few dates get to know a lot about her, ask her about her family and if she is close to them, bc that is usually a good indication of a girl would long for in her own future. Ask what her long term goals are and there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking a girl if she would like to have a family one day, or if she is looking for something serious. I mean these days there are people going home together after the first date, so i don't think asking her about her goals in life is crossing the line. Link to post Share on other sites
WhisperinnWinds Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 At your age and most of the women you'll be hunting, I doubt most would react negatively. I still think women in general prefer marriage more than men do - so hearing "I want to be a husband!" probably comes off as music to their ears. I still think this needs to be discussed EARLY ON. I made the mistake of trying to get a peep out of my significant other for just over a year before he finally said that he was interested in, and not opposed to marriage. We were at the edge of breaking up over it. No one deserves to go years-on-end waiting for an answer, and no one should be afraid of bringing it up. Someone else advised somewhere between dates 3 and 6. Yeah, ask about what she sees in her future. After she's finished, share what you see in yours. Be honest and don't be afraid of it. Speaking in general terms, "I.e., I would like to settle down and marry someday" works best. Really, as a man, I think you have an advantage here. Link to post Share on other sites
Mauschen Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 My husband asked me on the 2nd date if I was interested in getting married (he didn't mean right away). I was interested, and I liked him, so it didn't scare me. But I would only bring it up once in the beginning because talking about it often might scare the woman away. Link to post Share on other sites
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