feeling guilty about moving in with GF.

[trum39]

Im 42 with 4 kids two girls I dont really see (long story) and 2 boys aged 8 and 10 that I see every second weekend and every Tuesday night.

 

Ive been with my GF for 9 months now and we are very much in love. We both pay seperate rent, foxtel, Internet, phone, utilities etc and have decided we would be much better off financially to live together. I pay $350 a week rent and Im only at home 4 nights a fortnight.

So weve started looking for a palce to move in to. However I am still not sure if Im doing the right thing as I feel guilty towards my two boys. They love coming to my house as they have friends in the street. Also I have foxtel and they dont have either of that at their mothers house. They can also walk to school form my house so they stay the night and I go off to work in the morning and they leave 30 mins later and walk to school

 

If I move in with my GF I will still be able to have them every second weekend but can no longer have them on Tuesday nights as I just dont have enough time to drop them back home before work. I feel guilty about this and the fact they will no longer be able to play with their friends in my street.

Im torn between wanting to improve my financial situation by moving in with my GF and guilt about the situation with the boys?

Anyone else been in this situation before? Is it selfish of me to think that they are kids and need to adapt to the situation and it could be worse, eg I know dads who have moved interstate and only see their kids at christmas time.

[Sparty97]

Is it possible for her to move in with you?

[trum39]

Good question Sparty. No it isnt possible for her to move in with me because I live to far away from her work and her daughters school.

She would have to drive a fair way every morning to drop he daughter at school and go to work etc.

[Sparty97]

If that's the case I would put it off for the time being until you can realy consider all the moving pieces more. Don't upend your sons lives anymore than they already have been and certainly don't move in with your gf only for financial reasons.

[xxoo]

Would the move mean you don't see your boys at all on Tuesdays, or just not overnight?

 

If it means no Tuesdays, that cuts out 4 days a month....leaving you with only 4 days a month. It essentially cuts your (already inadequate) time with them in half.

 

Yes, they would adjust, and others have it worse....but I can't see moving in the direction of less time with your kids unless it is truly necessary.

[Stung]

Would the move mean you don't see your boys at all on Tuesdays, or just not overnight?

 

If it means no Tuesdays, that cuts out 4 days a month....leaving you with only 4 days a month. It essentially cuts your (already inadequate) time with them in half.

 

Yes, they would adjust, and others have it worse....but I can't see moving in the direction of less time with your kids unless it is truly necessary.

 

 

I would agree with this. But also, I am a little unclear as to why you can't just...wake up earlier, on Wednesdays, if the issue is not having time to drop them off in the mornings. Can't you just suck down an extra cup of coffee that day? Exactly how much further away from your kids would you be moving?

 

I don't think it's a good idea to comfort yourself with thinking that other dads are worse, and move even further away. I obviously don't know the story behind what happened with your daughters, but you already have two children you don't see, which is very unfortunate.

 

Also to be honest if I was your girlfriend I'd be concerned that the only reasons you stated for wanting to move in together were financial.

 

In any case, I would only consider this as a last resort.

[trum39]

Were not living together just because of the money that is just one of the factors. We do love each other and I already spend 10 nights a fortnight at her house and she spends the other four at mine.

I could probably have the boys on Tuesday nights and leave earlier every now and again (Im only moving 20 mins away on the freeway and have to go that way to work) but most days I start work very early and I would have to leave home at 5.30am to have them home and me at work by 6.30am. At my current house they just walk to school when its time and I leave earlier for work.

 

There mother is moving to the Northern suburbs (1 hr away) when her lease expires in July so Im only going to see them every second fortnight then anyway.

So if I dont move in with my GF now Im really just postponing the inevitable. And at the same time struggling financially with the extra bills etc were both paying.