To pursue or not to pursue?

[project_a4]

She is still trying to move on with her ex of a year ago.

She became uncomfortable when she found out my feelings for her from mutual friends.

She told me she wants to move on with her life and does not want me to court her.

She said she's ok with me just as a friend.

She now changed course but I still can contact her on facebook, and via celphone.

I still like her because we have almost similar past and lots of similar interests.

We seem to be communicating ok as friends on facebook.

I'm afraid I might lose her to her other guy friends.

 

Should I still try to pursue her or should I consider just being her friend?

 

I don't want to lose her since I think since we have similar interests and similar pasts, I may learn a lot on how to live my life more effectively from her.

 

I'm afraid pursuing her would ruin our friendship because she might think I'm being too persistent.

Edited May 25, 2011 by project_a4

[WTRanger]

To be brutally honest, the friendship was over the day you developed feelings for her. You aren't friends at this point. You are simply in limbo hoping that she'll feel the same way about you as you do her. True opposite sex friends (rare or not depending on your views) DO NOT have those lopsided feelings towards each other.

 

Second, she told you she does not want you to make a move on her and she was uncomfortable about your feelings. What makes you think you have a chance? You'll just blindside her again because she thinks you are just one of her friends.

 

She's already lost, tell her that you can't be friends with the way you feel. Tell her you thought you could make it work, but in the end you can't. It's better for both of you if you just go your separate ways.

 

Do not, I repeat, do not pursue this girl. This will only lead you down a pain of mental and emotional anguish you do not want to experience. Instead, take that energy and find a girl who is actually emotionally available for you.

[crazyd]

WTRanger's response is spot on.

 

You're going to need to let the friendship go, because if you stay friends with her, that will hinder your ability to let those feelings you have for her fade; and your chances to find someone who will be available to you as a result.

 

I was in your friend's shoes in a way. I had a female friend I met at work, and thought we had a great friendship, but she developed feelings for me. She told me one evening a few months after we met. I told her I couldn't reciprocate, but was fine being "just" friends. Our friendship was rocky for the years following, because her desire to be more than friends never went away. I knew, and felt it. I had to walk on eggshells speaking to her, grew distant, and angry at her. One day, we had a huge, ugly argument over it. Needless to say, that was it for our friendship.

 

What I'm trying to get at is the situation you're in is not good for both parties involved. She's probably allowing you to be a friend instead of closing you off to that because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. It's not good for you because you'll be hindering yourself from meeting other people who can provide the connection she does for you, but be available for something more.