Silly_Girl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Trimmer, an EMR requires commitment. No it doesn't mean 'all in or nothing at all'. You can be committed to something you do for one hour a week, like a yoga class, or 60 hours a week like a job. Some people show more commitment to their relationship than others. I suspect you know all this, however... Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 It's over. Arran x I hope you're feeling okay. I'm glad, though, that you aren't going to dangle on his proverbial string year after year like I've seen (and continue to see) many do. SUCH wasted lives! Good for you for NOT wasting yours! Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 It's over. Arran x (((Arran))) I've been following your thread and I'm truly sorry for any pain you feel. But like other said, it really is best to know now and not waste anymore time on someone that doesn't deserve you. I know that you will find the strength you need within you and stick to your guns. Hang in there, it will hurt, but once you make it out you feel so proud of yourself and you will savor your freedom and the fact that you put your self worth first. Best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I hope you're feeling okay. I'm glad, though, that you aren't going to dangle on his proverbial string year after year like I've seen (and continue to see) many do. SUCH wasted lives! Good for you for NOT wasting yours! Hey Donna. I KNOW what you're saying, I do. But those in a relationship with someone who's married aren't wasting their LIVES. Their existence isn't rendered worthless by virtue of their loved one's marital status. There's friendships, children, families, careers... Fulfilling lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Arrangrl, I am sorry about the outcome. You are a brave and strong woman. Please stand your ground and I wish you the best of luck in your new lease on life. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Arran Sorry that you are having to go through this pain... but I think you have been in pain for a while anyway, dealing with this A, am I correct? I know it is difficult to hear, but please don't allow him back in. EVER. This is when the healing begins. It is through mistakes and pain that we learn about ourselves and grow as a human being. You gave him a deadline, please stick to your word and don't let him back when he comes crawling for your attention! You deserve more! (((BIG HUG))) Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Hey Donna. I KNOW what you're saying, I do. But those in a relationship with someone who's married aren't wasting their LIVES. Their existence isn't rendered worthless by virtue of their loved one's marital status. There's friendships, children, families, careers... Fulfilling lives. Well, some have said that here on LS, but said exactly the opposite on another forum, bemoaning the fact that the MP hasn't left their spouse. I guess it all remains to be seen at the end. I'm just glad the OP has enough self worth to make her stand for her life and stick with it. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 And in what way is that contradictory? On one forum one is saying, "I'm perfectly happy with everything just the way it is," while on another one is NOT "perfectly happy." Sorry for folks trying to jack your thread, Arran. I hope you're feeling okay today. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) It seems you are speaking of a specific case, Donna. Two that I have personally seen, actually, and that's only from LS. But I digress. Arran has made it clear that she is NOT happy staying the OW, so she did the right thing - for her. Can we please just be happy that she did what she felt best for her and stop trying to nitpick whether others are doing the right thing for them? Edited June 1, 2011 by donnamaybe Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Changed my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 And in what way is that contradictory? An OW can enjoy her relationship with the MM and still wish that he would leave his wife. Not reaching the end goal does not equal wasting your life while on the journey. Golly, you sure know a lot about being an OW for having denied being one... Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Do you have a link? I'd be interested in reading these OW's stories since I haven't seen any such cases you are talking of despite having read on several OW forum. Nope. Not bitin'. I'm not going to further participate in the thread jack that is currently going on as it has already been very rude to the OP. In addition, I am not going to risk an infraction from linking other threads unrelated to this one. Many of us here on LS know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, and I suspect others who claim ignorance do as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Hey Donna. I KNOW what you're saying, I do. But those in a relationship with someone who's married aren't wasting their LIVES. Their existence isn't rendered worthless by virtue of their loved one's marital status. There's friendships, children, families, careers... Fulfilling lives. There are also people who put all their eggs in one basket. They breath, eat, shyte their MM/MW and forget that they have a life to live as if they have no essence. I have someone like this in my family... what a shame. She has gone from one R to the next (ALL with married men) and has nothing to show. NOTHING. Not even a career, friendships, etc. Heck! the last thing she knows to be is a friend or family. She consumes her life with the dude she is with, I don't hear from her for years and once she gets dumped she starts harrassing me. So yeah, she's wasted her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 True, but it's not healthy for any woman to be that into a relationship, be it with a MM or not. Oh trust me I agree. People are crazy! Like I get it, love and all but come on! I was born a human being to serve many purposes. I feel sorry when I see women bahave this way. Most when they have children and fail to be a mother because they are too busy chasing "love". Anyway- back to the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Oh trust me I agree. People are crazy! Like I get it, love and all but come on! I was born a human being to serve many purposes. I feel sorry when I see women bahave this way. Most when they have children and fail to be a mother because they are too busy chasing "love". Anyway- back to the subject.Or they spend hours upon hours on the Internet reading psychological journals and articles so they can diagnose their MM as split-self. I'm certainly glad the OP is not in that position, and she can start healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 There are also people who put all their eggs in one basket. They breath, eat, shyte their MM/MW and forget that they have a life to live as if they have no essence. I have someone like this in my family... what a shame. She has gone from one R to the next (ALL with married men) and has nothing to show. NOTHING. Not even a career, friendships, etc. Heck! the last thing she knows to be is a friend or family. She consumes her life with the dude she is with, I don't hear from her for years and once she gets dumped she starts harrassing me. So yeah, she's wasted her life. Well she sounds like a right bundle of 'fun'. Glad to say I don't know anyone like that! Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Or they spend hours upon hours on the Internet reading psychological journals and articles so they can diagnose their MM as split-self. I'm certainly glad the OP is not in that position, and she can start healing. ..or whatever other "ism" fits the description of the lying, cheating behavior. Yep, I'm glad the OP has a strong sense of self such that she is taking steps to make her life the way she feels she deserves it to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 It's over. Arran x ((((Arran)))) Hope you're doing ok... Link to post Share on other sites
Tashcw Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 (((Arran))) I really, really hope you're doing okay. I know exactly how you feel, having done the same action previously and my MM deciding to stay with his wife. Actually, that's a wrong statement - he wanted to continue the affair ("couldn't imagine how he was going to cope without me"), there were daily tears, early morning doorstep visits, many, many drunken phone calls etc. If I had the same again I would DEFINITELY have initiated NC from the word go. The first few weeks are the worst, but it will certainly get better. Arran - I BEG please be strong. Don't think he can be 'persuaded' or it's worth trying to get him to 'change his mind'. If he really misses you and can't live without you he will LEAVE his wife and then come to find you. To other posters - I was one of those women who I can wholeheartedly say 'wasted' their lives on an affair. I became besotted - checking my phone constantly for the odd text. Over 18 months I lost friends, alienated my family and become withdrawn and very, very insecure. I stopped going out, just on the off chance he would find 10 minutes free to call me on an evening. I have never been like that in other relationships, but I simply couldn't cope with the regular thoughts of him with his wife, so my insecurity rapidly grew, but truly believed we were both so deeply in love it was worth the pain. I didn't like the person I became and really hope I don't go there ever again. I also really, really hope no one ever has to go through anything like that, but I also know from reading posts on here that it does happen. Many have said affairs are like a drug - you know it's bad for you but every tiny hit leaves you wanting more and you'll sacrifice whatever you can to get it. This was spot on for me and I know has been for some others (note: not all!) Link to post Share on other sites
Breezy Trousers Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 It's over. Arran x You're strong. Hang in there. I hope he loves you enough to respect this. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts