YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I am 23 and I am 6 months engaged to a 26 year old...we both have great jobs and live in separate houses(parents wishes until we get married) I love her tremendously! But 3 weeks ago I was hanging out with some buddies and I met a younger girl (18)...still in college I was intrigued (she was mature and interesting) and I stayed up and talked with her for 4 hours (WOW!...the only other time I have ever clicked so much with a women on the first meeting would be my FIANCEE'...Ironic?) Anyway, I cant get this new (gorgegous) girl out of my head...The feeling is stated to be mutual with her...I think I'm falling for her... But then last night, I spent with my fiancee' and I had a great time with her... I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING BUT I DO KNOW I NEED HELP...Ive thought about seeing a Shrink Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted April 13, 2004 Moderators Share Posted April 13, 2004 How did you and this new girl come to meet? Just curious. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Wish I had more informative advice for you, but all I can say is that from the little you've said, it doesn't appear that you're ready to be walking down the aisle just yet. If you're lusting after some other girl, fine, but then don't get married. Take some time and think things over long and hard. Make sure you know what you want for sure before you make any decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted April 13, 2004 Moderators Share Posted April 13, 2004 Here I would Echo Girlie's thoughts. Cool your heels. Talk to your GF about your feeling the need to take things more slowly. You think a great deal of this woman (your GF), and doing so is only fair to all concerned. Hope things sort themselves out. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Thanks....that is good advice... BUT... I have thought about it sooo much that I am driving myself crazy and going around in circles So... That is why I am looking for unbiased advice from people here... And it is ALL greatly appreciated... I will GIVE MORE INFO IF NEEDED Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by Girlie Wish I had more informative advice for you, but all I can say is that from the little you've said, it doesn't appear that you're ready to be walking down the aisle just yet. If you're lusting after some other girl, fine, but then don't get married. Take some time and think things over long and hard. Make sure you know what you want for sure before you make any decisions. I think your post is darn informative, and right on the money. Dude..you need to choose. But it sounds to me like you're not ready to tie the knot yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 You simply aren't ready to make a commitment to one person. You are not ready to get married. You don't need a shrink. You just need a few more years of getting out and being a little wild. Yes, you may regret dropping your current fiance but it's a whole lot better to do that than to live your entire doubts about not having met the right person. When you are finally with the person you really feel you want to spend your life with, it's highly doubtful that you will have such curiosities about other ladies. Let your fiance down very easily. See if you can figure out a way to make cancelling the engagement her idea. Make her see that you are far from ready to take such a big step in life. And don't feel bad about it. You've got many, many years in the future to devote to marriage and one person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 If that is True...which Im not sure about yet What do I do with the NEW GIRL??????????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by YoungSuccesful If that is True...which Im not sure about yet What do I do with the NEW GIRL??????????????????????? does she know you are engaged? does she care? Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Ok, quick... reach down between you legs. Do you feel a couple of egg sized shapes? If so, grab on to them as hard as you can and yank with all your strength. Repeast until you get used to it. This is what will happen when you tell your 26 year old fiancee that you're dumping her for an 18 year old. Ok..bad joke. Seriously bro, you're just going to have to make up your mind and: a) Keep your fiancee and get married, forget about the new chick. b) Break up with your fiancee and date whomever you care to There really isn't any other decent answers. But only you can choose on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I wouldn't do anything with the new girl right now...unless you feel like that's the direction you really want to go in, in which case you need to tell your fiancee that you met someone and THEN explore things with new girl. If you don't know which you want, you better think on it & talk with the gf about cooling it before you do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe does she know you are engaged? does she care? Yes she knows and yes...she does...we kissed...and it was great and then she said out of respect for my fiancee' and her she wouldnt continue until things got cleared up BUT IN NOW WAY DID SHE EVER PRESSURE ME TO BREAK THINGS OFF...mature? I think so... She has gone as far to say the feelings are MUTUAL...but said she is holding back alot of feeling b/c im engaged... Which means I think she has ALOT of GREAT FEELINGS FOR ME... Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 You kissed the other girl? Come clean with the fiancee. That's all I can say at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 I plan on coming clean...but I dont think my fiancee' will end and frankly I dont want to... But I want soooo badly to see this other girl IS THIS JUST LUST THAT I SHOULD SHAKE OFF OR IT IS DEEPER (I think maybe)????? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by YoungSuccesful Yes she knows and yes...she does...we kissed...and it was great and then she said out of respect for my fiancee' and her she wouldnt continue until things got cleared up BUT IN NOW WAY DID SHE EVER PRESSURE ME TO BREAK THINGS OFF...mature? I think so... She has gone as far to say the feelings are MUTUAL...but said she is holding back alot of feeling b/c im engaged... Which means I think she has ALOT of GREAT FEELINGS FOR ME... No, maturity would be to not get involved with an engaged man. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Unfortunately, no one can make that decision for you. You have to decide whether it's something to shake off or not. In my opinion, you're too young to settle down, but that's just my opinion. If you really want to see this other girl, by all means do so after you come clean. But make sure it's what you want first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 All my female co-workers tell me I'm too young to get married... Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 when is the date? to be wed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 we didnt set one until a couple weeks ago... NEXT YEAR... JULY 9 2005 LONG TIME FROM NOW Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 ok, so if you are going to marry this woman, i would hope you could tell her when things like this happen. even if you were to tell her you were not sure about it. that would be a start. and what makes this other chic you just met soo damn special anyways? could you just be friends with her? does it have to be physical? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 You don't sound ready to get married to anyone. You at least need to tell your fiancee that, if you are afraid to tell her about this girl. A year is not a long time. You might forget this 18 year old, and a couple of months before your wedding, meet another girl who blows your mind. Is it really this one girl or is it the excitement of a new person? Sorry, but I don't think she sounds very mature either. Don't string anyone along. If you are not ready to commit to your fiancee, please be honest with her, even if it hurts her. If you want to be with your fiancee in a relationship, stop making out with other girls. Rushing into an engagement/marriage to please someone else won't please either of you in the long run. If you want to make out with other girls, break up with your fiancee. It's not the easy route, but it's the honest one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe ok, so if you are going to marry this woman, i would hope you could tell her when things like this happen. even if you were to tell her you were not sure about it. that would be a start. and what makes this other chic you just met soo damn special anyways? could you just be friends with her? does it have to be physical? I guess we could just be friends...but there is a spark...and I am attracted to her...I look at her and then I cant get her face out of my head until I see my fiancee' and then it just flip flops... AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHGHGHHG I appreciate you talking to me btw...this is helping me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author YoungSuccesful Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by morrigan You don't sound ready to get married to anyone. You at least need to tell your fiancee that, if you are afraid to tell her about this girl. A year is not a long time. You might forget this 18 year old, and a couple of months before your wedding, meet another girl who blows your mind. Is it really this one girl or is it the excitement of a new person? Sorry, but I don't think she sounds very mature either. Don't string anyone along. If you are not ready to commit to your fiancee, please be honest with her, even if it hurts her. If you want to be with your fiancee in a relationship, stop making out with other girls. Rushing into an engagement/marriage to please someone else won't please either of you in the long run. If you want to make out with other girls, break up with your fiancee. It's not the easy route, but it's the honest one. thx...for the honesty...Im not sure if it is the excitement or a HUGH attraction...? Im still trying to figure that out Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinedaydream Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Do you have any idea what marriage means? What does your fiancee think marriage means? Does being engaged mean that you are committed to each other? If so, why are you kissing another girl? You are not ready for marrige. Your fiance may be, or she may not be either. Is it OK for her to be dreaming about another guy, and kissing him? If she was doing that, would you feel as though she was committed to you and the idea of marriage? Would that sort of behavior be OK after the wedding? Or is everything supposed to be by another set of rules until you say "I do"? If you think there's one set of rules about interaction with members of the opposite sex from now until the wedding, and another set for after, you should discuss this with your intended. You both need to be on the same page about boundaries in order to be ready for marriage. Have you discussed this yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 You ought not to be getting married. Sounds to me like you are still shopping the market. Don't marry your fiance to "spare her feelings" or anything, because someone like you is not ready for the committment of marriage. You will spare everyone's feelings at this stage by realizing this. Link to post Share on other sites
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