I trust her, but not him...

[nemesite]

I don't know what to say.

do u demand her to accept if ur hanging out with single female frenz?

if yes, then u should be ok with this, but keep your eyes open coz it's a LD and it's not easy.

i just broke up from a serious relationship and it was a big LD (i mean not one hour distance, but 15 hours flight). he felt insecure of me having new male frens. i loved him with all my heart and i didnt want him to feel that way. so i cut off any contact to some (5 of them) he didnt like so much. On the other hand, i wanted it to be fair, and i demanded him the same thing (to cut off any contacts with a girl who was obviously hitting on him n called him at 2am, 1am in the morning to talk at the bar), but he didnt agree and didn't accept it. he wanted only to be free having frenships with anybody. it caused so much troubles coz it's not fair.

 

so, If she's the kinda gf who is OK with you hanging out with single female frenz, then i think nothing will happen between her n him. But if she ever showed u that she doesn't like it, then it means something else.

remember to balance the fairness, so none of you would feel who's the most giver and receiver.

 

You're a bit late to the party, we split up yesterday (see my post above).

 

Anyway, the reality was that she was extremely paranoid about me having any female friends, even if they were people I've known for years. We argued about this all the time.

 

Every time I went out, even to see my male friends at their houses, she would object, thinking I might somehow meet other women there. If I went to the pub after work for a quick pint, she was worried I'd be tempted to chat up other women.

 

Once we argued because I emailed an old female friend who no longer lives in the country. I told her about it, thinking it was no big thing and she kicked off. Also, she used to snoop through my phone and emails looking for "evidence" to suggest I was flirting with other women. She was also preoccupied with my exes and thought that I was still in contact with one of them (which I was not).

 

What I'm trying to say was that she was extremely jealous and insecure in spite of me doing everything I could to prove my loyalty was only to her. She even admitted she was of a jealous disposition but insisted that nothing could be done about it and she wasn't going to change. In principle, I had no problem with her having male friends (she had male friends when I started seeing her), but the very pointed way she asked me about this guy made me suspicious. That and the fact that he basically approached her and said "Hi, I like you, let's be friends, here's my number!" which just isn't on.

 

When I posted this originally, she was meant to come down the following weekend to see me. Well, the weekend before that, she phoned to say she wouldn't be able to, then a few days later, she tells me about this "male friend". Eventually, she changed her mind and decided to come down and we had a nice weekend together - our last weekend together.

 

When she returned home again, within a week, she started talking about being confused about us and being unsure if we were meant for each other. One minute she wanted to "take a break", then she wanted us to stay together. She then started returning my calls and texts less frequently (when she was ALWAYS calling or texting, sometimes too much...) and started doing unusual things like disappearing midweek after work and not coming home until late. The writing was on the wall, she was blowing hot and cold and I suspected that she was, at the very least entertaining the prospect of hooking up with this other guy and that she'd lied when she said she threw away his number. That is why I ended it. In short, she was taking the piss.

 

And this from the girl who CONSTANTLY accused me of cheating and/or being involved with exes all throughout the relationship. (For the record, I've never cheated on any of my ex partners.)

[Only Gal]

hmmmm...

maybe her insecurity brought her to do something as revenge to you that put u where she was before (to feel insecure and suspicious). it's abit too vindictive i know.

Sorry to say this, but some cheaters like to point fingers at others while screaming "you are a cheater!" maybe that's what happened to her.

 

Or maybe her insecurity and jealousy brought her to behave like that: jealousy --> feeling insecure, means that -> having low self esteem/low confidence, then leads to -> experiments as confidence booster (at this point someone might want to flirt around abit to boost their confidence n say to themself "oh, actually i'm still attractive").

 

And the guilt brought her to not contacting u as often as before (no guilt --> will act the same). Did u ever ask about her past? maybe she got experience of being cheated at? if she did got cheated in the past, then her insecurity migh come from that.

But if she really hooked up with that guy, then there's no other good way than split up. Best for both of you.

 

Is she still calling u now? or text u?

[rafallus]

Good riddance, man.

[PegNosePete]

Sounds like her jealousy/insecurity was just a smokescreen for her own inappropriate behaviour.

[nemesite]

hmmmm...

maybe her insecurity brought her to do something as revenge to you that put u where she was before (to feel insecure and suspicious). it's abit too vindictive i know.

Sorry to say this, but some cheaters like to point fingers at others while screaming "you are a cheater!" maybe that's what happened to her.

 

I'm certainly aware that cheaters do like to project that way. That said, I don't think she was the classic cheating type, certainly throughout most of the relationship anyway.

 

In the past, if guys tried to hit on her, she'd brush it off and would tell me about it and we'd just laugh about it. Then she suddenly went from that to supposedly not knowing that a guy was BLATANTLY hitting on her by giving his number. I don't think she did anything there and then, but she clearly liked the attention and like him enough to try to convince me that it was all innocent.

 

That being said, if she wanted to play away, it would've made sense to just not tell me about him at all.

 

Or maybe her insecurity and jealousy brought her to behave like that: jealousy --> feeling insecure, means that -> having low self esteem/low confidence, then leads to -> experiments as confidence booster (at this point someone might want to flirt around abit to boost their confidence n say to themself "oh, actually i'm still attractive").

 

It's a possibility. She was very insecure and seemed to need constant validation and reassurance which, of course made little difference.

 

And the guilt brought her to not contacting u as often as before (no guilt --> will act the same). Did u ever ask about her past? maybe she got experience of being cheated at? if she did got cheated in the past, then her insecurity migh come from that.

 

She told me that she had been cheated on in the past but didn't go into it. I told her I'd also been cheated on, which is not only why I didn't do it to others, but also why I had zero tolerance for having it done to me.

 

As for whether she hooked up with him or not, who knows? I'm more inclined to think that she was considering it, but felt torn between me and him, hence all the bullsh*t.

 

Is she still calling u now? or text u?

 

I haven't heard from her yet, but then again it's only been a day. I'd be very surprised if she didn't try to get in contact somehow though.

 

To be honest, I'd rather not hear from her at all. I have nothing to say to the girl anymore and have no interest in anything she might have to tell me.