Pookette Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 How many out there have been in a relationship that ended and heard the phrase "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."? I have and it sucks. I'm thinking that is the phrase that is used most on breaking up...? Correct me if I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 That's common, but I like: "It's not you. I'm just not ready for a relationship." That NEVER works with women. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I believe it means you are still valued as a person to a high degree...however, you no longer float their boat. Yeah...it sucks....but we've all heard it in one form or another....and possibly said it. Link to post Share on other sites
Durden Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 "I really love you, but i just want to be friends" Link to post Share on other sites
reggio Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Too many people play too many games and are easily influenced to go with the flow. More and more people tend to forget the importance about being "truthful and honest" as opposed to being selfish and decietfull. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 lets just sum it up this way....you love your parents...but your not IN love with them are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by reggio More and more people tend to forget the importance about being "truthful and honest" as opposed to being selfish and decietfull. What other way could a person possibly put it though??? They aren't lying....they are simply trying to describe their feelings. Or am I wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pookette Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 lets just sum it up this way....you love your parents...but your not IN love with them are you? I don't quite get where this comes in. Yes you aren't IN love with your parents, but you don't...well, nevermind. They aren't lying....they are simply trying to describe their feelings. Exactly. It's a statement of truth that doesn't get any more basic. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Originally posted by Pookette How many out there have been in a relationship that ended and heard the phrase "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."? I have and it sucks. I'm thinking that is the phrase that is used most on breaking up...? Correct me if I'm wrong. I used to be fooled by this phrase — it's so confusing! People think that they can "let you down nicely", or "spare your feelings", but this always ends up causing much more trouble. Over time, I learned and wised up. My response to the whole "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" phrase is usually: Don't try to confuse me. You could just say, "There is no chance of us getting back together, or continuing this relationship, and I do not actually want to be your friend. Let us not talk anymore." Be honest or you'll make things worse. Exactly. It's a statement of truth that doesn't get any more basic. It really is not telling the truth. This type of phrase, along with "I want to still be friends", or variants thereof, only end up hurting and causing confusion among people. I believe one should say what one means. If someone feels the need to say that she values me as a person, respects me and admires me, I also want to hear that she does not want a relationship with me. Additionally, if she does not want to seriously attempt to be friends, I want to know that as well. Then again, I do not even try to be friends with an ex, or someone I just dated, until a few months later. Time needs to pass. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I think (perhaps naively) that it's entirely possible to really like a person, but not be ready for a relationship, hence leave. I think it's also possible to love a person with your whole heart (as in, care abt them, admire them, respect them, see them as special, etc), but not want to be in a relationship with them. Yes, these lines get abused by guilt-ridden break-uppers, but it doesn't mean they're never true, does it? my 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Originally posted by yes ...Yes, these lines get abused by guilt-ridden break-uppers, but it doesn't mean they're never true, does it? I do agree that these things are usually true when said. I think that a lot of other truths, however, are left out. I do not know of any circumstances under which someone would not be confused, or "lead on", holding on to hope when there is nothing left, because of these things being said. Deliver the good with the bad. If you admire someone as a person, by all means say so. Stay away from confusing words such as "love", however, and be clear about your intentions. Specificity is a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 True, Faux, it's important to be fully honest. The person who told one of the above WAS - he said enough to eliminate the possibility of leading me on for sure. When I've said things similar to the above, I've also been very clear that as much as blah blah blah, don't waste your time, 'us' won't happen. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
ace6061 Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Yes i think that is the point faux is pointing out. It's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I think most of these people are telling the truth just not all of it. "More and more people tend to forget the importance about being "truthful and honest" as opposed to being selfish and decietfull." I think some people tend to forget what the other person is going through. "Lets stay friends". Is this another way of saying I don't want you any more but I still need to use you to get though some rough times? Link to post Share on other sites
JustHot Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 How about "I love you sometimes." haha... that really shows the selfishness of a person. In other words, "I only love you when things are going my way and I'm not accepting you for who you are." I put this in the same category as "I love you, but I am not IN love with you." Then half the people who use these statements are immature, selfish, egotistical, confused, narcissistic and boring. I agree with being specific. If a person was worth spending quality time with, tell them how you feel about them. Say you care about him or her, but you are not in love anymore because there are certain things which don't work and never will. Then pay the price for being wrong, if that's the case. Using the word "love" leaves the door open for the person to come back when they can't find someone better or when they want to use the parts that they enjoyed, especially the doting attention. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Or how about "It's not you it's me." "I don't know what I want. I just want to be single right now." Link to post Share on other sites
reggio Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 It's obvious that the "Love" word can be interpreted in many ways. I mean, we all love something or somebody. However, when it concerns "relationships", it is important to be on the same page, that is "truthful and honest" with each other. It's less likely that you will second guess yourself, unless of course, you are not being truthful and honest with yourself, that is "selfish and deceitful". Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I think it's definitely possible for you to love someone but not be in love. Parents, friends, etc. So it COULD be true...but it is more than likely a way of slapping you in the face without actually doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
ace6061 Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I think that the phrase “I love you but I am not in love with you” is probably true most of the time. Sometimes it may be used to keep a person holding on. It is just that the person saying it may not be completely considering the other persons feelings when they say it. Even if it is true a simple “ I still care about you but I realize this is not healthy” would be much less hurtful in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
padparadscha Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 In my case every man who told me he loves me but does not want to be in a relationship meant it. They all wanted to be loners. I think I may even have develped a slight complex knowing that after me, they eached stopped dating and just had "Friends". I never seen one of my ex with another woman and that alone never made it easier to accept that things were going to be different between us. The friendship was changing. It would be less hurtful to say, "I can't take you anymore, I can't handle you as a girlfriend, but I would love to be your friend." That would save so much heartache and confusion and false hope. Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I think the most hurtful of all is "I think we should see other people" Because it translates to I've already replaced you so get going already. No one ever wants to see other people without another person already in mind. I don't know if "I love you but i'm not in love with you" is a cop out or not, it's kind of a nicer way of saying "Let's just be friends" isn't it? But in case anyone wants a lighter view of this subject... break up lines Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I have no problem with break-up lines as long as they're basically honest. Of course I'd like to know why it's over, but I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm not so concerned with it anymore. Besides, except in a few cases, the break up is rarely a real surprise. The bottom line is, when I hear the line, I know it's my cue to take a hike. No amount of pleading my case is going to change anything. I'll just react accordingly, keep the line of communication open for a while and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 How about these --- I've gotten these a couple of times from very screwed up people: "I don't know if I really know what Love is." or "I don't know if I know HOW to love someone." Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 "I don't know if I really know what Love is." or "I don't know if I know HOW to love someone." Ouch! Yeah, those hurt pretty bad too.. Link to post Share on other sites
Rightlymia Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 My best friend got "I love you like a sister" when they were breaking up one time, they ended up getting married ,having 3 kids, and are now divorced..I thought the sister thing should have been a BIG ASS SIGN.. Link to post Share on other sites
wecancope Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 I've just had to send my girlfriend away to think what she really wants! I won't go into detail, but she was very angry with me, told me that maybe this relationship isn't going anywhere and that we should split up. "I still love you, but my feelings have changed" she said, so I told her that if she is 100% sure she wants to split up, then to do it now, and that she will never hear from me again.....She couldn't even tell me on the spot, even though she had a great opertunity to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
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