boyfriend going on a trip...

[hayhay1025]

So my boyfriend is going on a trip to England, Paris, and Amsterdam with his grandparents for a graduation present from them. We have been dating for about a year now lived together at one point at his parents house when I was having a hard time and now we live apart but would like to move in together again. His grandparents don't like that we are together and keep saying how they are bringing him to the redlight district and things like that. He will be gone for 11 days we have never been apart that long and I'm very uncomfortable with him going. It is putting strain on our relationship more and more as the trip date gets closer. He has been very known to be unfaithful in past relationships, but not in ours, tho his past always has me iffy about him. He had to put off saving money for my engagement ring to save money for this trip too. Are my feelings valid to be upset? Should I worry? and what on earth do I do while he is gone?

[EricaH329]

Not many people get the chance to go on a trip like that. This may be his only chance to experience that. I would be happy for him and let him go. If he's going to cheat, then he will do it regardless of whether he is leaving the country or not.

 

As far as what you are going to do when he is gone, live your life? Does your whole world surround him? He won't even be gone for a full two weeks, i'm sure you could occupy your time with friends, family, hobbies, activities, etc. This may be a good opportunity for you as well, to learn what you like to do outside of your relationship with him.

[abimael567]

I'm very uncomfortable with him going

 

You dont trust him...

 

 

 

He has been very known to be unfaithful in past relationships, but not in ours, tho his past always has me iffy about him

 

History precedes people, you know he is a cheater you accepted him and you still dont trust him.. how could you be sure he is not a cheater in this relationship? unless you have a camera on his forehead 24/7 than you will probabbly know...

 

 

He had to put off saving money for my engagement ring to save money for this trip too

 

I thought the trip was a present? why would he need money? unless he wanted to spend on something? or maybe he needed to pinch in on a few bucks? Hotel fees?

 

but why would he stop putting money on the engagement rings fund?

[Pianiste]

I totally get why he would want to save some money for the trip. It's great his grandparents are taking him on such a nice trip for his graduation but I wouldn't want to freeload the whole time either. Maybe he wants to try and fit in in the Netherlands by "going Dutch"! ;-) Anyways, I wouldn't let that worry me. I mean, who wouldn't save up money for a trip?

 

What worries me more is that his grandparents told him they'd take him to the red light district. Not that I actually think that that's going to happen but it does sound bizarre to me! Why do they dislike you so much? Has he tried to do something to change that?

[HeavenOrHell]

If you're not an an LDR I guess 11 days could seem like a long time to you, but the majority of people in LDR's don't see their partners for weeks or months at a time, so 11 days isn't much at all, I'm sure you can have some contact during that time? He deserves this trip after graduating, be pleased for him. Why don't his grandparents like you being together, it's cruel of them to talk about the red light district, totally thoughtless.

What makes you uncomfortable about him going? Is it because he cheated in the past? Do you feel you can trust him now, if not them maybe he's not the right person for you.

You sound too clingy and needy, you need to have a life outside of him, everyone needs this, I have a life outside of my partner, I see him every 7-8 weeks, so I'd be pretty miserable if my life totally revolved around him.

You can get your engagement ring anytime (they don't have to be hugely expensive anyway to mean something, it's not the price which matters).

Being in a r/ship doesn't mean stifling your partner and not letting them live their life (within reason), you each need a life outside of each other as well as the one you share.

Make a list of all the things you can do while he is away, what hobbies do you have, what do you enjoy doing? How about seeing friends or family?

 

 

 

So my boyfriend is going on a trip to England, Paris, and Amsterdam with his grandparents for a graduation present from them. We have been dating for about a year now lived together at one point at his parents house when I was having a hard time and now we live apart but would like to move in together again. His grandparents don't like that we are together and keep saying how they are bringing him to the redlight district and things like that. He will be gone for 11 days we have never been apart that long and I'm very uncomfortable with him going. It is putting strain on our relationship more and more as the trip date gets closer. He has been very known to be unfaithful in past relationships, but not in ours, tho his past always has me iffy about him. He had to put off saving money for my engagement ring to save money for this trip too. Are my feelings valid to be upset? Should I worry? and what on earth do I do while he is gone?

[zlatnapolja]

So my boyfriend is going on a trip to England, Paris, and Amsterdam with his grandparents for a graduation present from them. We have been dating for about a year now lived together at one point at his parents house when I was having a hard time and now we live apart but would like to move in together again. His grandparents don't like that we are together and keep saying how they are bringing him to the redlight district and things like that. He will be gone for 11 days we have never been apart that long and I'm very uncomfortable with him going. It is putting strain on our relationship more and more as the trip date gets closer. He has been very known to be unfaithful in past relationships, but not in ours, tho his past always has me iffy about him. He had to put off saving money for my engagement ring to save money for this trip too. Are my feelings valid to be upset? Should I worry? and what on earth do I do while he is gone?

 

He's going on a trip with his GRANDPARENTS... do you really think he'll cheat on you while going to these cities.. Listen to me, you dont WANT to cheat in england, in Amsterdam hotelrooms are so expensive that he'll probably sleep in the same room as his grandparents and in France no one speaks english (I know these are very mean things to say, I dont entirely meen them, just trying to comfort you).

 

But honostly, if he's going to cheat on you, the first time probably won't be on a vaca with his grandparents! If the relationships good he wont cheat at all. Don't worry about it, in the meanwhile here are some things for you to do: study for school, work, have a girl day, a girls night, a trip to the hairsalon-tanningsalon etc, go to the beach, HAVE FUN. Let him have his trip and if he's unfaithful, dump him!

[HeavenOrHell]

Cos there's no attractive girls in the UK right?

You're wrong that if the r/ship's good a person won't cheat, some people want more than one person to sleep with. I've no idea if that's the case here as I know nothing about him.

 

He's going on a trip with his GRANDPARENTS... do you really think he'll cheat on you while going to these cities.. Listen to me, you dont WANT to cheat in england, in Amsterdam hotelrooms are so expensive that he'll probably sleep in the same room as his grandparents and in France no one speaks english (I know these are very mean things to say, I dont entirely meen them, just trying to comfort you).

 

But honostly, if he's going to cheat on you, the first time probably won't be on a vaca with his grandparents! If the relationships good he wont cheat at all. Don't worry about it, in the meanwhile here are some things for you to do: study for school, work, have a girl day, a girls night, a trip to the hairsalon-tanningsalon etc, go to the beach, HAVE FUN. Let him have his trip and if he's unfaithful, dump him!

[zlatnapolja]

Cos there's no attractive girls in the UK right?

You're wrong that if the r/ship's good a person won't cheat, some people want more than one person to sleep with. I've no idea if that's the case here as I know nothing about him.

 

Hehe, I already wrote that I didn't entirely meen everything I said! But you know in all honosty, if he cheats on her she's better of without him. I'm just saying that if you spend about 3 days per country with your grandparents, thats not perfect 'cheating circumstances'. Don't worry about Red Light District, really don't. I know the RLD, I've never ever seen a guy with grandparents visiting one of the 'ladies'.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yeah for sure she's better off without him if he is the cheating type, and you're right he's unlikely to cheat with the grandparents in tow, unless he's kinky like that From what I've seen in the RLD in Amsterdam the women would eat him alive anyway

 

 

Hehe, I already wrote that I didn't entirely meen everything I said! But you know in all honosty, if he cheats on her she's better of without him. I'm just saying that if you spend about 3 days per country with your grandparents, thats not perfect 'cheating circumstances'. Don't worry about Red Light District, really don't. I know the RLD, I've never ever seen a guy with grandparents visiting one of the 'ladies'.

[creighton0123]

Two things:

 

1. This is what one would call a trip of a lifetime. Not too many people get to experience something of this magnitude. Don't ruin it for him.

 

2. I hate the idea of the word "cheating". It is safe to say that if an individual has an agreed basis in monogamy in their current relationship, to be able to not only think about, but act on physical attraction to others is a sign that there is something missing and/or wrong in their current relationship.

 

I wouldn't worry about the 11 days though. Until May 1, I went five months without seeing my boyfriend. Since May 1, I will go another 4 until I see him again.

[Lucky_One]

If I were taking my son on a trip to Europe, it is very likely we would see all the sights that we could. If we were in Amsterdam, I am positive that this mommy would take her little boy to see the red light district. It is a huge part of what Amsterdam is about.

 

Does that mean that I expect my son to sneak off and get a BJ from a hooker while I am buying a cherry sno-cone? No. Does it mean that I am going to pay for him to get laid, and stand in the corner and take pictures for my scrapbook of "Son Busting a Nut"? No.

 

It means we are going to gawk at the red light district.

 

We already took him to NOLA, and we all wandered Bourbon Street and gawked at the women, the trannies, and the drunks.

 

Hayhay, you need to wish him bon voyage, you need to tell him that you will be home waiting for him to come home, and then you need to chill out. There are going to be times when you don't hear from him, and I am already foreseeing that you are going to FREAK. His grandparents grew up in a time when couples were separated by BIG things like wars, and there was no internet, no cells, no wifi for your iPod touch to email from. And they are going to think that both of you are whacked if he has to find an internet connection at every 3 hour interval, or if his cell doesn't work there for texting, or if you are calling him in desperate tears of neediness and he needs to creep to a corner to talk to you.

 

If you are this young that you can't handle a simple trip of 11 days, then I suggest that you postpone your desire for an engagement ring, until you can feel confident and secure in both your own skin and in your relationship.

[HeavenOrHell]

Agree totally!

 

 

 

If I were taking my son on a trip to Europe, it is very likely we would see all the sights that we could. If we were in Amsterdam, I am positive that this mommy would take her little boy to see the red light district. It is a huge part of what Amsterdam is about.

 

Does that mean that I expect my son to sneak off and get a BJ from a hooker while I am buying a cherry sno-cone? No. Does it mean that I am going to pay for him to get laid, and stand in the corner and take pictures for my scrapbook of "Son Busting a Nut"? No.

 

It means we are going to gawk at the red light district.

 

We already took him to NOLA, and we all wandered Bourbon Street and gawked at the women, the trannies, and the drunks.

 

Hayhay, you need to wish him bon voyage, you need to tell him that you will be home waiting for him to come home, and then you need to chill out. There are going to be times when you don't hear from him, and I am already foreseeing that you are going to FREAK. His grandparents grew up in a time when couples were separated by BIG things like wars, and there was no internet, no cells, no wifi for your iPod touch to email from. And they are going to think that both of you are whacked if he has to find an internet connection at every 3 hour interval, or if his cell doesn't work there for texting, or if you are calling him in desperate tears of neediness and he needs to creep to a corner to talk to you.

 

If you are this young that you can't handle a simple trip of 11 days, then I suggest that you postpone your desire for an engagement ring, until you can feel confident and secure in both your own skin and in your relationship.

[reservoirdog1]

His grandparents don't like that we are together and keep saying how they are bringing him to the redlight district and things like that.

This part is a little bit creepy. What grandparents would take their teenaged grandson to the red light district? And repeatedly say they're going to do so? Weird.

[EricaH329]

This part is a little bit creepy. What grandparents would take their teenaged grandson to the red light district? And repeatedly say they're going to do so? Weird.

 

If I were her, I wouldn't be worried about why they didn't like me. Apparently, they aren't all 'there'.

 

If his grandparents do happen to follow through with what they say, it'd tell a lot about his character to actually go through with something like that.

[HeavenOrHell]

That is weird yes, I don't really get why they'd want to do that

 

 

 

This part is a little bit creepy. What grandparents would take their teenaged grandson to the red light district? And repeatedly say they're going to do so? Weird.

[hayhay1025]

1. We have never had to spend time apart we live .5 miles apart and have lived together.

2. His grandparents aren't all that old his grandmother is in her mid 50s and his grandpa tries to get him to have sex with girls all the time. His grandma was going to get him his own room but it cost to much. They openly say at his age he should be going out and sleeping with as many people as he can( his parents to)

3. We do send pretty much all of our time together we are from a place that is normal. Also we were best friends before we dated so it wasn't all that odd for us to spend time together.

4. He is originally from the west bank, if you don't know what that means its a few minutes from the French Quarter and Bourbon st

5. last night we talked about cheating and he said he did with other people because either he wasn't happy or felt like he wasn't getting out of the relationship things he wanted.

[hayhay1025]

also I know this is an amazing experience and I should be happy for him. and his grandparents are only paying for the trip itself. He has to pay for his food and anything he buys.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

i would be more disturbed by the fact that his grandparents are trying to get him to have sex with girls all the time. that is just weird.

[TMichaels]

Originally Posted by reservoirdog1:

"This part is a little bit creepy. What grandparents would take their teenaged grandson to the red light district? And repeatedly say they're going to do so? Weird."

That is weird yes, I don't really get why they'd want to do that

 

Instead of everyone getting their knickers in a twist about Amsterdam's Red Light District you might want to spend a little time learning more about it before you jump to (erroneous) conclusions.

 

As another poster already remarked, it's as much of an Amsterdam tourist attraction as the Anne Frank Huis, the Rijksmuseum, and The Greenhouse Coffee Shop. It's one of the things that makes Amsterdam, Amsterdam.

 

Don't take my word for it. Here's just one of dozens of examples/explanations that are readily available on the web.

 

OP, knowledge is power. Total waste of time tying yourself in knots about stuff that isn't even an issue all because you're too busy thinking the worst instead of lifting a finger to do a bit of research.

 

You really need to work on your trust and insecurity issues because if you don't *you are* going to lose your boyfriend. Not because he did anything wrong but because he's tired of having to constantly prove his devotion and innocence to you.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[HeavenOrHell]

I've seen the RLD there so I know what it's all about, fair enough if they want to visit it as part of the whole scenery, it's more the way they kept going on about it according to the OP, and it still seems a bit odd that grandparents or parents would want to take their teenage kid there. It is a little different to visiting the Anne Frank House

 

 

Originally Posted by reservoirdog1:

"This part is a little bit creepy. What grandparents would take their teenaged grandson to the red light district? And repeatedly say they're going to do so? Weird."

 

 

Instead of everyone getting their knickers in a twist about Amsterdam's Red Light District you might want to spend a little time learning more about it before you jump to (erroneous) conclusions.

 

As another poster already remarked, it's as much of an Amsterdam tourist attraction as the Anne Frank Huis, the Rijksmuseum, and The Greenhouse Coffee Shop. It's one of the things that makes Amsterdam, Amsterdam.

 

Don't take my word for it. Here's just one of dozens of examples/explanations that are readily available on the web.

 

OP, knowledge is power. Total waste of time tying yourself in knots about stuff that isn't even an issue all because you're too busy thinking the worst instead of lifting a finger to do a bit of research.

 

You really need to work on your trust and insecurity issues because if you don't *you are* going to lose your boyfriend. Not because he did anything wrong but because he's tired of having to constantly prove his devotion and innocence to you.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[HeavenOrHell]

That's pretty weird and creepy they're encouraging him to sleep with lots of people, ugh, I don't like the sound of his family at all. Maybe they're into open r/ships or something but they shouldn't be pushing it on him, plus it shows NO respect for you.

No it's not odd to spend lots of time together, I lived with my ex for 18 years, we were best friends, but we still did our own thing as well, we didn't panic about how to fill the time if they weren't there, like you're doing, that's not a healthy r/ship. I miss my partner now as he lives in another country, but not to the extent it makes me anxious about missing him or how to fill my time, I have a full life anyway.

I hope your bf is fulfilled in your r/ship. He's a coward if he cheated with other partners instead of telling them he wasn't happy, it's a cop out, I'd be wary.

Not sure why you're posting in the LDR forum as you're not in one, your bf is going on holiday for 11 days, that's not an LDR.

 

1. We have never had to spend time apart we live .5 miles apart and have lived together.

2. His grandparents aren't all that old his grandmother is in her mid 50s and his grandpa tries to get him to have sex with girls all the time. His grandma was going to get him his own room but it cost to much. They openly say at his age he should be going out and sleeping with as many people as he can( his parents to)

3. We do send pretty much all of our time together we are from a place that is normal. Also we were best friends before we dated so it wasn't all that odd for us to spend time together.

4. He is originally from the west bank, if you don't know what that means its a few minutes from the French Quarter and Bourbon st

5. last night we talked about cheating and he said he did with other people because either he wasn't happy or felt like he wasn't getting out of the relationship things he wanted.

[Lucky_One]

I doubt his grandparents are saying "Kid, you need to go screw as many people as you can!" I suspect that they are saying something along the lines of "Kid, at your age, you should be seeing lots of other people instead of tying yourself down to one girl."

 

I don't disagree with them at all. If grandma is 55, and had her child at 20, and her child had her son at 20, then the boyfriend would only be 15. So you are basically dealing with a set of parents (grandparents) who ended up pregnant at a very young age, and they see the difficulties that current young R's go through in marriage/committed relationships, and they want to avoid seeing the people they love make the same mistakes they did.

 

They also might not be wild about the GF/OP from the standpoint that she lived in BF's house while she was fighting with her own parents (or whatever reason it was that required a teen to move out of her parent's house for a year). They may prefer a more stable, grounded girl for their grandson.

[HeavenOrHell]

There's nothing wrong with staying with one person from a young age if it feels right, it's not right for everyone to sleep with many partners over a life time, they should leave him alone and let him do what is right for him. He clearly hasn't stayed 'tied' to one person if he's cheated in the past anyway.

This doesn't mean I agree with marriage or pregnancy at a young age, I don't, but that's not on topic (marriage seems unrealistic to me at any age, no-one can know how they'll feel about their partner in the future).

You're jumping to conclusions about why the OP lived with him for a year, we've no idea why she had to do that.

 

OP, I'm sorry if I sounded harsh with regard to being needy/clingy, it's just seriously in your best interests to make sure you have plenty of interests and friends in your life as well as your partner, it's never a good idea to make a partner the be all and end all, also your partner might not always be there, but your closest friends and your work, or whatever fulfils you, will be

 

Good luck!

 

I doubt his grandparents are saying "Kid, you need to go screw as many people as you can!" I suspect that they are saying something along the lines of "Kid, at your age, you should be seeing lots of other people instead of tying yourself down to one girl."

 

I don't disagree with them at all. If grandma is 55, and had her child at 20, and her child had her son at 20, then the boyfriend would only be 15. So you are basically dealing with a set of parents (grandparents) who ended up pregnant at a very young age, and they see the difficulties that current young R's go through in marriage/committed relationships, and they want to avoid seeing the people they love make the same mistakes they did.

 

They also might not be wild about the GF/OP from the standpoint that she lived in BF's house while she was fighting with her own parents (or whatever reason it was that required a teen to move out of her parent's house for a year). They may prefer a more stable, grounded girl for their grandson.

[reservoirdog1]

Originally Posted by reservoirdog1:

"This part is a little bit creepy. What grandparents would take their teenaged grandson to the red light district? And repeatedly say they're going to do so? Weird."

 

 

Instead of everyone getting their knickers in a twist about Amsterdam's Red Light District you might want to spend a little time learning more about it before you jump to (erroneous) conclusions.

 

As another poster already remarked, it's as much of an Amsterdam tourist attraction as the Anne Frank Huis, the Rijksmuseum, and The Greenhouse Coffee Shop. It's one of the things that makes Amsterdam, Amsterdam.

 

Don't take my word for it. Here's just one of dozens of examples/explanations that are readily available on the web.

 

OP, knowledge is power. Total waste of time tying yourself in knots about stuff that isn't even an issue all because you're too busy thinking the worst instead of lifting a finger to do a bit of research.

 

You really need to work on your trust and insecurity issues because if you don't *you are* going to lose your boyfriend. Not because he did anything wrong but because he's tired of having to constantly prove his devotion and innocence to you.

 

Best,

TMichaels

I've been to Amsterdam's RLD. Yes, it's a tourist attraction. Yes, a facet of that is prostitution. But combine that with the additional info about his grandparents encouraging him to sleep with a bunch of other girls? The issue isn't just going to the RLD, and it never was. It was that, coupled with his grandparents' rather weird agenda.

[Eddie Edirol]

You need to have your own life really. You shouldnt be so dependent on his company. While hes away, go hang with your friends, do things you have more time to do, have some fun and leave him to miss you, so he will look forward to seeing you when he comes back. If he knows how to cheat under your nose, youre not going to know it until hes done with you, so enjoy the ride. Unless hes a total schmuck, hes not going to talk about engagement with a woman who hes cheating on. You shouldnt be in a relationship where you think you have to watch over him for your own security. You either trust him or you dont. If he acts differently towards you when he comes back, then you might have a clue. Unless you enjoy being on eggshells wondering if he will cheat, then you need to break it off.